Sudden, inexplicable avoidance from her

[MrBrightside15]

So for the entire month of July I was away at a summer teaching institute. During that time I formed lots of new friendships with the people in my class, many of them deeper than the friendships I have back home. That's what happens when you spend 24/7 with a group of people, I suppose. One girl in particular I hit it off with incredibly. We started out as great friends who get along very well (we're both in our 20s), then eventually things got much flirtier. We spent lots of time together, and were enjoying every minute. Apparently we both were super into each other, but were too scared of screwing up our friendship to take the next step. It wasn't until one of our classmates came to both of us separately and told us to go for it, because clearly there's chemistry there. So on the last night of our summer institute we ended up finally hooking up, spending the night together.

 

The next day was when everyone left to fly back home, and since we all lived in different parts of the country it meant saying goodbye. She and I said lots of nice things to each other, talked about how sad it was that we're leaving, and promised to see each other soon. For two weeks we texted back and forth, not a ton but still enough that I was satisfied. Mostly we Snapchatted each other. We often talked about how much we missed each other, and were beginning to talk about making plans to meet up somewhere. We weren't "dating" or anything, it was still too new to label it as anything. And as hesitant as I was about getting into a LD relationship, she made me happy so I was willing to give it a chance.

 

Then this last weekend I took a road trip to visit some family. The plan was to go camping for the weekend, which meant we would be completely out of cell service range - no internet, no contact with the outside world. On Friday, I texted her saying that I was about to lose service, that I was sorry I wouldn't be able to talk to her all weekend, but that I will call her on Sunday when I'm home. (We hadn't talked on the phone before, so I figured this was a nice step forward for us.) She responded by saying "I met such an incredible guy last month! I will talk to you on Sunday [heart emoji]" So I shut off my phone for the weekend and went camping.

 

When Sunday came, I didn't get home until much later than expected due to bad weather, so I texted her saying "I'm sorry I didn't call you today but we JUST got home. Can I call you tomorrow night instead?" No response.... So Monday night I tried calling her and she didn't answer. I left a nice message saying I can't wait to talk to her and that she should call me back... No response. On top of that, I had sent her a couple of Snapchats on Sunday during my drive home, and she never even opened them, which is very strange. After those three failed attempts, it became obvious that she's ignoring me. But I have no idea why! What could have possibly happened last weekend to make her go from being the girl that clearly has feelings for me to giving me the complete cold shoulder?? I'm at a loss, because it couldn't have been anything I did. It's really bumming me out, and I don't know what to do. Last night I saw she was active on FB, so since it had been a few days since I last tried to talk to her I decided to send her a dm on FB. Just saying 'hey, haven't heard from you in awhile, hope everything's okay!' That too remains unopened.

 

What could possibly be going on to make her behave in such a way? And what should I do at this point, if anything? I guess one way or another I would just like to know what she's thinking, so that I can move on from this if I have to. But as it is now, the silence is frustrating and unbearable.

[Bunney]

"Best" case scenario she is playing hard to get, worst (and more realistic) case scenario she wasn't all that interested from the get go (some girls are REALLY good at pretending) or for whatever reason, she just doesn't like you anymore.

 

Could be an Ex or another guy that's been in her life the whole time - whatever it is, I would back off (you've done enough contacting already) and just assume that you were nothing to her but a nice summer romance, and now she's back to "reality". DONT take it personal, because it isn't.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like she's back to her life back home, maybe she has a bf back home? Let it rest for now, see if she contacts you.

One girl in particular I hit it off with incredibly. Can I call you tomorrow night instead?" No response.... So Monday night I tried calling her and she didn't answer. I left a nice message saying I can't wait to talk to her and that she should call me back... No response.

Same girl?

[MrBrightside15]

It sounds like she's back to her life back home, maybe she has a bf back home? Let it rest for now, see if she contacts you.Same girl?

 

No, completely different girl!

[MrBrightside15]

The idea of it being a summer fling - that she's back home and in her normal routine again and that I'm fading further and further into the background as the days go by - definitely seems plausible. The suggestion of a bf is also possible - I know she works with her ex, and even though she never seemed very impressed with him when talking about him, I suppose it's entirely possible that something sparked back up after getting back to work.

 

I guess the silence is what I'm struggling with the most. It's not a treatment I've experienced before. Even when a girl hasn't been interested, they at least will respond somehow, and you can gauge their interest based on those responses. It's especially confusing considering there were no warning signs before, and in the course of 1 or 2 days she does a complete 180. What sucks the most is that it not only ruins the potential relationship I foresaw, but also ruins our friendship. The close bond that was formed with this group of people is tainted because of the awkwardness now arising from this situation. I would be fine if she said "I just want to be friends" because at least then I knew what was going on and would be content, and my whole experience wouldn't be ruined.

[Bunney]

Dont create/foresee problems where there dont have to be any. When you meet her at your social gatherings, treat her normal, like you treat anyone else. Dont talk to her more or less than you do with the others. It doesn't have to be awkward at all.

 

My guess is she is that she's the type that totally hates confrontation, thus the silence. In her mind, even if she answered you in a very aloof manner, it'd make you question why and confront her. She's just not up for that.

 

But you know what? Dont give a f#ck about it! Just stop caring and move on.

 

Here's a great article for you that I came across when "Blue Ridge" posted a link to an article on another thread.

[ManyDates]

She was rebounding. Those ones always move really fast in the beginning and then vanish without a trace soon after when they realize they aren't over their ex and picking a random new replacement doesn't exactly work.

[MrBrightside15]

So although she has gone out of her way to ignore every attempt I made to communicate with her, and seemingly no longer has any interest in talking to me, she hasn't unfriended me on any social media platforms. Today, she posted a series of videos on her Snapchat story talking about how people who are looking for a relationship need to love themselves first, and that she is "in no way, shape or form able to be in a relationship right now." She was speaking generally, but I suppose there's somewhat of an answer as to why she suddenly is behaving the way she is towards me. There's clearly something going on in her life that's causing her some kind of mixed, confusing feelings that she needs to deal with.

 

So there's as good of an answer as I think I'm going to get: she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now, and I'm sure that especially means someone like me who lives nowhere near her. I just really hate the way she has decided to handle it. She easily could have just told me that rather than childishly giving me the cold shoulder for no reason. I thought she was more mature than that. I guess now I'll just move on and hope one day we can be friends again, and I don't have to look back on my July experience with bitter feelings anymore. At least it's a good sign that she hasn't unfollowed/blocked me so far, possibly leaving the door open for communication in the future, and for that friendship to one day resume.