LIES.........

[esboogie143]

Just wanted to fill u all in and tell u whats going on me. Well...Saturday was his b-day and i called him in the morning and he called me twice after that. Ummm...then came last night!!!I called him at 4 pm left a message no call back. Mind u i have his pasword to his cell phone. I called again at 7 and no answer. Then I checked his messages and his mom was on one asking him to call her (so obviously he wasn't home) and my prior message was still there... Then i rang him at 10 and all the messages were already hear and erased. Soooo He didnt call me back and obviously he was out all night saturday and didnt come home. I called him today at wrok and he apologized for not calling me back...blah blah...he said that he slep all day at his friends house cuz they got hom at 10am. He said that he had a thousand messages cuz everyone was worried about him...WHAT A LIE!!!! HE had heard all the messages earlier...anyway...of course i played it off and acted like nothing...what should i do now? Any advice?

[chai714]

What should you do? First, quit checking his phone messages. I'm not going to lecture you about it though . . .you know it's not right. In the big picture, you're gonna look back and realize that it does not benefit you to do nor does it improve your chances of gettin him back.

 

One thing I see you could improve, is gaining a sense of independence as well as letting him be independent. He is your ex afterall, and has that right. Although it hurts your heart, it's something you have to do. When anyone is emotional about their ex, I tell them all the same thing: NC until you are able to better control them. With that being said, you know what my advice is for now.

[ang3l2004]

I am here for ya girl be strong,Try not thinking to much about it or you will go nuts,Just try to not think about what he is doing and only go by actions

[sayer7]

If he's your ex... why do you care when he checks his messages? Why are you hacking into his phone? Why are you checking up on him? Why should his lying mean anything to you? Wasn't he a jerk and that's why y'all broke up? Why do you need to re-iterate to yourself that he is a jerk when you already know he is?

 

Most importantly:

 

Why are you so willing to play the victim in this relationship? Why are you giving him so much emotional power over you? Aren't you tired of feeling like a victim?

 

My Suggestions:

 

If he's constantly lying and he's your ex- commence No Contact (NC) immediately because you are being hurt more by maintaining any sort of relationship with him.

 

If he left you because he wanted to "live his own life"--- then you need to start finding and living your OWN LIFE as well.

 

Stop living your life through him and all the mean things he's done to you. HE shouldn't be what you define yourself as or was. HE shouldn't have that much emotional power over you and only YOU have control over how much power he has over you. You are more than just him. You are your own person. And if you don't know who YOU are then it's high time to figure out who you are and start living your own authentic, independent life apart from him.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh of course. I've been in your shoes before and I know it hurts. Please be patient with yourself as you heal, but don't keep the wound open and allow him to put lemon juice on it by staying in contact with him.

 

In the end it's your choice and you have to make it. He won't change and YOU can't change him- no matter how much you try and no matter how much you know it would be good for him to change. He can only be who he is... and YOU can only be who YOU are.

 

Hope you don't take this wrong... I truly mean the best and wish you happiness.

[esboogie143]

Thank you all for your replies...and none of the comments are taken to heart but only to the brain where it needs to go sooo i dont get played by him anymore whether by contact or nc. I appreciate u all!!!

[ang3l2004]

Love ya girl!

[iceesnowbubble]

maybe they were heard because you checked them..that happened to me once when i checked my ex messages.. did you think of that..or is it not a possibility?