seeking attention after break up

[Lotusavx]

been broken up for over 2 months now. im going through some really weird coping mechanisms.. lately i have been on a online dating website. havent met anyone yet, but i feel like i am desperately seeking attention from anyone. i am hooking up with guys i just meet and expecting them to want more from me besides a hook up i am so hurt still and just wanting attention from anyone. i know this sounds very immature on my part, but i can tell i am still very hurt from my ex leaving me and just want to distract myself. the guys i talk to from the online dating site text me for a few days, we have plans to meet up, then they just stop texting all together, obviously because they found someone else - i know not to take this to heart, but its still upsetting. i guess i am just rushing getting back into a relationship, and i know this is the worst thing you can do. i don't really want a relationship, just a guy who i like and who likes me to have fun with and go do things with. should i just stop looking? why am i coping so negatively? i feel like i am over the break up, but when im alone i realize how hurt i really am.

[Ms Darcy]

Were you sexually abused in the past? It seems like there are some deeper issues here for you to keep letting your body be used.

[Wiseman2]

This is par for the course in online dating. Just take control and have a system such as message guys you like and respond only to ones you like. Also meet asap, rule out text buddies and time wasters to prevent burn out.

 

Hooking-up is not 'coping negatively' in itself. You're getting some physical needs filled. As long as you know it's no replacement to dating or building a relationship, which takes more emotional energy.

should i just stop looking?

[Gardeningfool]

I'm sorry your going through this. I did the same thing. Jumped right on to a dating site, hooked up with people and like you it hurt me. Stop doing it. I know how hard it is when someone you care about walks away but you deserve more. You deserve for someone to care about you as much as you care about him. It has taken me almost a year to start feeling better. I didn't want to hear anyone's advice at first so I was destructive. Take this time, cry, it's ok to be sad about it but then get up and use the time wisely. Meet new friends, discover an interest you didn't know you had, explore new places. I promise you will learn so much about yourself and you will learn what your worth. It will get better everyday. The online dating scene is hard!! Spend time on you

[lostlove76]

Hi. I'm sorry you're hurting. I've done the same thing you're doing before - either jumped right into online dating, or "desperately" searched for another guy offline (I use that word because I truly did feel desperate to find someone). I was trying to fill the empty void, and distract myself from the pain of losing someone. The problem with doing this is 1) you aren't really in a good place mentally or emotionally to connect with someone on a real level, 2) you're in a position of being taken advantage of, and 3) feeling the inevitable rejection as you sift through men, and/or not finding someone you really like, can push you even further into the empty hole that you're feeling. In addition, in my experience it always made me miss my ex more, as I realized that no one compared to him. And I felt discouraged at the thought of going through the whole getting-to-know-each-other process when my heart wasn't in it.

 

I definitely feel your pain. I've been officially broken up with mine for a little over a month now, and it's still a daily struggle of sadness and depression. I've thought about looking for someone else, but knowing from experience the things I listed above, I think it's best that I heal first. I know I'm in no position whatsoever to be emotionally available to anyone right now.

 

Soooo, I agree with Gardeningfool to take this time and spend it on yourself until you heal a little more. Hugs.