Something I can't figure out regarding Online Dating

[dio9366]

Hey Guys

 

So I recently started using online dating site for about a year after breaking up with my ex, here's my little bit of my thoughts

 

I successfully met face to face for about 10 girls, but almost none of them are my liking, so I never ask them a second date.

 

The girls that I am into on online dating are all about her-selves, I mean ALL OF THEM! 99% of them!!

 

They are all about herself and ask no questions or inquisitiveness about me,

 

Of course some of them seems to be very exciting to get to know me at the beginning and even ask me my Facebook page

 

one of them even said something like " I am so grateful to know someone cool like you!" but after I added her, she just only up her own ass and talk about herself only.

 

I mean YES they are consider cute and better looking, but I mean how can a person changed so fast? And YES there might be hundreds of guys chasing her,

 

but since she is on online dating site, don't they want a relationship? don't they feel empty inside that need a relationship?

 

I am not bragging myself, but I am consider OK looking better than average, working in fashion industry, have great sense of style, wear good cloths, often join local fashion events. It can all be seen on my Facebook page.

 

The photos that I put on my profile are all professional fashion campaign style photos taken by professional photographer. Of course I got complements from the girls occasionally but that is ALL!!

 

I just cant figure out I treat them all the same no matter how they look, the ones I am not so attracted to are easier to ask out, other ones that I am attracted to are even hard to kept the conversation going.

 

I have had this experience for almost 99% of the girls that I met online, with only one exception: my EX girlfriend. We met online and we both attracted to each other and she would always ask me a question after answering mine.

 

I have talked to almost 500 girls online with she was the only exception, I mean how rare is that?

 

Sorry, it's kinda long but I just need you guys opinions on this:

 

What is the real life of a pretty girl who is on online dating site?

 

What is the purpose for them to register a profile?

 

Is is possible to attracted them?

 

Thanks to you all

[Clinton]

Don't take it so personally that they aren't attracted to you. It's just the way it works.

 

My fiance is very attractive and when she went online she was swamped with men wanting to talk. Hard to keep track of it all.

 

It could be a lot of things. No offense but maybe you aren't as great a catch as you think and these girls are out of your league.

 

Or maybe it's your communication style that doesn't work.

 

Yes, those girls are looking for relationships but chemistry is a tricky thing. For whatever reason, you aren't ticking off their boxes.

 

The one common denominator is you. So take a long hard look at your approach and ask yourself if you might be trying for girls you really can't get.

[dio9366]

Don't take it so personally that they aren't attracted to you. It's just the way it works.

 

My fiance is very attractive and when she went online she was swamped with men wanting to talk. Hard to keep track of it all.

 

It could be a lot of things. No offense but maybe you aren't as great a catch as you think and these girls are out of your league.

 

Or maybe it's your communication style that doesn't work.

 

Yes, those girls are looking for relationships but chemistry is a tricky thing. For whatever reason, you aren't ticking off their boxes.

 

The one common denominator is you. So take a long hard look at your approach and ask yourself if you might be trying for girls you really can't get.

 

Of course I think myself as a great catch, if I have problem approaching to women then I probably won't even get a date.

 

The truth is: I have met total 10 women already.

 

But I kinda understand what you mean though. You can't really depend on online dating, its hard to turn them on from texting.

[Clinton]

Approaching women isn't usually a problem. Most guys can do that. The problem is guys who are in reality average who think they can get with super hot girls.

 

Or conversely guys who are good looking whose personality sucks.

 

Online dating is a good way to meet people. But like everything, it's not for everyone.

[dio9366]

Approaching women isn't usually a problem. Most guys can do that. The problem is guys who are in reality average who think they can get with super hot girls.

 

Or conversely guys who are good looking whose personality sucks.

 

Online dating is a good way to meet people. But like everything, it's not for everyone.

 

then are you successful in online dating field? could you tell me how to talk to them online?

 

what is the general principle?

[Clinton]

What worked for me may or may not work for you. When I did it, I put up my profile and picture on eharmony. I contacted a few that piqued my interest and texted a bit before moving it to a phone call. If after talking on rhe phone, they didn't want to meet in person, I moved on.

 

In one of my many careers, I was a lobbyist so carrying on a conversation isn't really a problem for me.

 

I was just myself. And when I met them, it's easy to decide if there was real chemistry or not. If not, on to the next.

 

Finding someone who is a real match is tough. It takes time and some luck. And you have to be honest about if you see potential there for a relationship. Otherwise you're wasting your time.

 

So I'd say be yourself. Show real interest in what the person is saying and don't take rejection personally.

 

And be honest with yourself about who you can attract. If you're a couch potato, don't try and date a fitness model.

[Sportster2005]

If you're not having success, don't blame the women or online dating. Improve your game.

[lostandhurt]

So these are very attractive women right? There is a thing about SOME extremely attractive PEOPLE is that they are used to being the center of attention and have people of the opposite sex fawn all over them and so they do not always have the same social skills during dating. It happens all the time to all kinds of people or all kinds of attractiveness but like you I have experienced it more with the ultra attractive.

 

This is what I have done in the past.

 

If you are messaging back and forth and they don't ask questions about you or show some kind of genuine interest in you then either call them out on it or stop talking to them. If you do end up on a date with them and they pull the same thing then ask them "Don't you want to know anything about me?" If they say "like what?" ask for the check.

 

I like to know about a woman's life. Are they close to their family, do they have good friends, are they a good mother, how genuine they are, how many brothers and sisters do they have and on and on.

 

Also don't add them on FB, that is to much info before they even know you.

 

In the end if you don't like the way the date or conversation is going bring it up. "We have been talking for 30 minutes and you haven't asked one thing about me or my life" see what they say. You have zero to loose and everything to gain. Who knows you may be the only guy with guts enough to call them on their stuff and it may just peak their interest.

 

Online takes thick skin and patience...

 

Lost

[SoulTaker]

What is the real life of a pretty girl who is on online dating site?

 

Most men will tell you that they don't know, since they don't get that many attractive women responding to their emails. So, you're ahead of the game. Do you just focus on looks, or do you do the extra work in thoroughly reading their profiles, talking to them before the 1st date in order to get a feel of what they're about,...

 

Going the extra mile has allowed me to weed out some that I knew were not a good match for me (personality-wise). After that, it's a matter of going on the date, and seeing how it turns out.

[Sportster2005]

 

If you are messaging back and forth and they don't ask questions about you or show some kind of genuine interest in you then either call them out on it or stop talking to them. If you do end up on a date with them and they pull the same thing then ask them "Don't you want to know anything about me?" If they say "like what?" ask for the check.

 

Lost

 

I'm not sure calling them out on it is helpful. They may respond temporarily, but the behavior is ingrained and isn't going to be changed by calling them out on it. When I'm given a short answer, or come across someone who only wants to talk about themselves I quickly move on.

 

A woman approached me a few years ago. Added me as a favorite. I would ask questions, only get very short answers. On a lark I decided just to ask her out. She agreed. We had a fantastic time. Totally different person in real life. This only happened once. So even something we take almost as a rule can be wrong. ???

 

I am intrigued however. When you called them out, has it ever produced good results?

[Sportster2005]

Most men will tell you that they don't know, since they don't get that many attractive women responding to their emails. So, you're ahead of the game. Do you just focus on looks, or do you do the extra work in thoroughly reading their profiles, talking to them before the 1st date in order to get a feel of what they're about,...

 

Going the extra mile has allowed me to weed out some that I knew were not a good match for me (personality-wise). After that, it's a matter of going on the date, and seeing how it turns out.

 

I think this is an important point. Many of the attractive women I see online don't even bother writing anything in their profile. I'm sure they still get lots of attention. Which really is kind of sad, and shows what many men prioritize. I would even go as far to say an attractive woman with a good profile is probably more approachable, and more likely to respond.

 

I also have emailed and responded to women based on the strength of their profile, even though I didn't initially find them very attractive. I just roll my eyes at the beautiful looking women with short and incomplete profiles. And I'm also rolling my eyes at the dolts that pursue them.

[lostandhurt]

I'm not sure calling them out on it is helpful. They may respond temporarily, but the behavior is ingrained and isn't going to be changed by calling them out on it. When I'm given a short answer, or come across someone who only wants to talk about themselves I quickly move on.

 

A woman approached me a few years ago. Added me as a favorite. I would ask questions, only get very short answers. On a lark I decided just to ask her out. She agreed. We had a fantastic time. Totally different person in real life. This only happened once. So even something we take almost as a rule can be wrong. ???

 

I am intrigued however. When you called them out, has it ever produced good results?

 

Sportster,

About 50% of the time yes I did get good results. Of the 50% the women were nervous and just talked about themselves and didn't take a breath. I heard "I am sorry, I have been rambling on about myself this whole time" or something similar. Other times it wasn't the response you might want to hear like "Well we are on a date so you could learn more about me aren't we?" Others would ask one or two shallow questions like what gym I go to ( I have a machine at home so they were disappointed) or where do I like to vacation.

 

If a date or convo is going nowhere fast I figure why not throw something out there to mix things up a little. The first meet can be awkward for some and they simply don't do well or they are really just self centered but why walk away without knowing for sure.

 

Nothing ventured nothing gained. I do agree with some people you know in the first 10 minutes or so...

 

Lost

[dio9366]

I'm not sure calling them out on it is helpful. They may respond temporarily, but the behavior is ingrained and isn't going to be changed by calling them out on it. When I'm given a short answer, or come across someone who only wants to talk about themselves I quickly move on.

 

A woman approached me a few years ago. Added me as a favorite. I would ask questions, only get very short answers. On a lark I decided just to ask her out. She agreed. We had a fantastic time. Totally different person in real life. This only happened once. So even something we take almost as a rule can be wrong. ???

 

I am intrigued however. When you called them out, has it ever produced good results?

 

 

Only one of them had agree to go out with me, so I know some women are different when they are out than when they are online.

 

We talk for like a hour but Still, that girl was holding back her feeling, so it didn't go anywhere.

 

almost 99% of women online are like this, so I am really getting bored and I do agree with you that it is their personality or behavior patterns

 

I actually tell them to ask me a question, and they just act dumb, so i moved on.

[dio9366]

Most men will tell you that they don't know, since they don't get that many attractive women responding to their emails. So, you're ahead of the game. Do you just focus on looks, or do you do the extra work in thoroughly reading their profiles, talking to them before the 1st date in order to get a feel of what they're about,...

 

Going the extra mile has allowed me to weed out some that I knew were not a good match for me (personality-wise). After that, it's a matter of going on the date, and seeing how it turns out.

 

of course I thoroughly read their profile and try to find something interesting to talk to them, the point is 99% of women are like this, which mean I found 99% of women online are boring as hell and not a good match.

 

I'd like to ask you though, seems you have went the extra mile, how long have those girls been single? do they ever pick those suckers who's trying to be her emotional tampon their boyfriend?

[SoulTaker]

of course I thoroughly read their profile and try to find something interesting to talk to them, the point is 99% of women are like this, which mean I found 99% of women online are boring as hell and not a good match.

 

I'd like to ask you though, seems you have went the extra mile, how long have those girls been single? do they ever pick those suckers who's trying to be her emotional tampon their boyfriend?

 

I don't think it's just a matter of how long they were single, but more of if they are any red flags present before the 1st date. That's the purpose of the calls. If the calls go okay, then dating takes over, and it's a matter of whether we click.

 

The women that I've dated have told me their own horror stories of men they've went out with, so it's not as one sided as you're stating. It could also be the type of dating site you're on. To me, some offer more mature people then others (especially the ones you have to pay for).

[SoulTaker]

I think this is an important point. Many of the attractive women I see online don't even bother writing anything in their profile. I'm sure they still get lots of attention. Which really is kind of sad, and shows what many men prioritize. I would even go as far to say an attractive woman with a good profile is probably more approachable, and more likely to respond.

 

I also have emailed and responded to women based on the strength of their profile, even though I didn't initially find them very attractive. I just roll my eyes at the beautiful looking women with short and incomplete profiles. And I'm also rolling my eyes at the dolts that pursue them.

 

Sportster, that is why I keep them in the loop, and call them. Dating sites are very public, where anyone can view their profile (co-workers, neighbors, relatives,...). Many people (including myself) prefer to try to maintain some level of privacy, and provide more details of themselves only when talking to someone they're interested in going out with. I'm okay with that.

[shiner501]

It can be frustrating, yes. I went on eight dates before I started to see the lady who I am four dates along the road with and getting on great - early days for sure but we like each other. Six of the dates I never had another date with (I didn't like them) and one of them I went on two dates before I thought she was not over her ex.

 

It is impossible for us to offer you advice on this because dating is so personal. There could be a million reasons. First dates are always tricky. They could be nervous and hence talking about themselves - i.e. staying on familiar territory.

 

For sure, you need a very thick skin to do online dating as a man. Most of your messages you send get ignored. I get gazillions of views but me being a single, widower dad puts many off I think.