Why do exes who do the breaking up try to rekindle

[acts12]

Will somebody please tell me why, after breaking up with you, and not talking for like 9 months, an ex-girlfriend will try and "rekindle" things between the two of you. Do they really think they have a shot at getting back with you?

[DN]

Depends on the circumstances but sometimes, yes. They realise that life was better with you than without you. But guard your heart if you do.

[heloladies21]

The only thing that matters is what you want, not what she thinks. If you want to get back together with her then you need to go real slow and be ready for her to flake out on you at any moment. She will let you know if she's serious about getting you back over time. If you're not interested in her anymore, then it doesn't matter why she's contacting you.

[desperatlyconfused17]

Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes when they realize that they made a mistake by breaking it off they want to come back and see if it is different... sometimes it just happens!

Right now im trying to get back with my ex because i realized that we didn't even atempt to make it work before and i just want to actually try!!

And sometimes people feel that is the best person that they can find and don't realize that sometimes it just doesn't work out!!

Sometimes it takes more than tears to get over someone!!!!!

[acts12]

I would never get back with for two reasons.

 

1. It is solely setting the stage for the repitition. If she broke up with you once and got you back, she can do it again. And I think she most likely would. Kinda like a dog returns to its vomit.

 

2. After you get over someone, and you are not connected, I actually look at it as kinda funny when they try and get you back. Its kinda like, why would I want to get back with someone who thought they could go find something better. Whats the matter? You cant find someone better. "Your LOSS!" Its more fun just to watch them try and find someone better rather than giving them the satisfaction of letting them have what they want ( me back). It is the revenge that you subconciensly wanted when you first broke up, but you were patient and are now living the high road, and she has no chance at bringing you down again. HER LOSS

[vhshowdown]

I agree about when exes want you back, sometimes they think its greener on the other side. Other times we gave them the reason to leave. But it all DOES matter what the circumstances are. But when people say, its his/her loss, actually I feel nobody is the winner, both parties most of the time lose out.

 

Alot of times we get motivated by the breakup and do stuff we wouldnt have done if the break up never occurred. So we eventually may become better off without them.

 

But, I have said it before, food for thought, second chances are hard to come by. It all depends on the individuals, the reasons, and and the emotions at the time. Some exes are like a tattoo, wont ever go away!!

[jeru1173]

People always want what they can't have. She had you and didn't want you, now that she doesn't have you and your not begging her to take you back, the more she wants you back. Women love challenges. Anything too easy isn't appealing to them. If you got back with her, she'd probably drop you again once she got bored. I might be compelety wrong and she realized she made a mistake, but I call it like I see it and I really doubt it.

I'd keep making her sweat. Be careful.

[clodhopper]

I'd really be careful in this situation. As easy as it is to get back with an ex who you still may have feelings for... it's not always right.

 

I was thinking about this last night when my roommate asked me what I would do if my ex came back and said he wanted me back. A couple months ago I would have just welcomed him automatically no questions asked because I missed him so much. NOW my response to my roommate was just "why?"... I would really wonder why my ex was coming back to me... it doesn't make sense after what's happened. He left me because he didn't want me and he obviously wanted someone better or someone different. So if he wasn't content with who I was then, why would he be content with who I am now????

 

Of course I fantasize about my ex coming back and saying he realized he made a mistake... but that won't happen. And if it ever did, it wouldn't make sense for him to just suddenly want me again...

[DN]

I have posted in another thread about how my then girlfriend left me to return to Canada (I then lived in the UK). A few months later she came back and we were later married and have been now for thirty years.

 

A friend recently met up with his high-school sweetheart of twenty years ago - they are now living together.

 

Abraham Lincoln jilted Mary Todd at the altar but they were later married (the happiness of the marriage is in debate).

 

So it does happen - there is no hard and fast rule. Sometimes people are unsure of what they want, and the time apart gives clarity and they realise that they are better off with the other person than without.

 

It is the reverse process to that feeling when you really want something and then when you get it you realise it wasn't that exciting after all. But sometimes it works the other way.

 

It is a mistake IMO to always assume that the other person in a relationship is on the same page as you are. Sometimes it takes a while for the other person to catch up.

[BillyJean714]

I think that breakups happen for a reason. If she's coming back to you and trying to 'rekindle' things, then be careful. She may just be confused of what she wants in her life. Try to move on for now. If it works out, then great. But for now, focus on you. After all, sounds like it's your heart that was breaking.

 

Imagine going through another episode of the same thing. And, if you guys do decide to work things out, sit down and discuss what went wrong in the relationship, and ask yourselves if you guys can truly ever work on those issues. Keep in mind, although you have matured and changed in different ways, make sure that your values, goals, etc. still match. Anyway, this is the best advice that I could give you for now. Best of luck with everything!

[clodhopper]

I have posted in another thread about how my then girlfriend left me to return to Canada (I then lived in the UK). A few months later she came back and we were later married and have been now for thirty years.

 

A friend recently met up with his high-school sweetheart of twenty years ago - they are now living together.

 

Abraham Lincoln jilted Mary Todd at the altar but they were later married (the happiness of the marriage is in debate).

 

So it does happen - there is no hard and fast rule. Sometimes people are unsure of what they want, and the time apart gives clarity and they realise that they are better off with the other person than without.

 

Awwww it's nice to know that it does happen when it's right... thanks for sharing DN! Maybe it does just take some people a while to catch up and then you're on the same page and it can work out. Anyway just wanted to say thanks for sharing... I wasn't trying to say in my post that you should automatically not get back with your ex if they want to come back to you (because I know I would be very tempted to go back to my ex if he wanted)... I just wanted the original poster to be careful.