let him know

[kiwifox42]

ok, ive been cutting since late october and just told my boyfriend yesterday. i was really hesitant about letting someone know- i was afraid i would be sent to guidence or somehting. thing is, he didnt take it as i expected- he acted really ok with it. i want to know is if he was just acting, if he was really disapointed inside, and im worried that he might try to 'seek help' for me. dont turn this around and tell me i should find help myself- the reason im posting is b/c i want to know if there are ways of seeing if a person is sneaking around- im talking about planning an intervention or something- that is the ~last~ thing i need. im having plently of second thoughts on lettign him know.

this is- was- my biggest secret, and it belonged to me only, now that ive told someone, i feel empty, i know it's weird, but its like i let a bigger part of me go than i had hoped- as if just knowing belonged to only me.

anyway, is it bad that i feel this way? yeah, there are a million other things im worrying about, but i'll concentrate on the smaller things first.

[DragonGirl724]

well, cant help you here, your Bf is doing the right thing. if he is seeking help for you its b/c he cares & if you get angry at him for it then i dont know what kind of GF you are. if he schedules an appointment for you, or is speaking to a counselor himself on how to deal with you & your "cutting" issues then it is usually confidential & there is no way of you finding out...so quit trying.

 

-DG724

[brando]

I dont get it... why did you tell him then??

[DragonGirl724]

sometimes people feel the need to release that kind of information just for venting purposes & to share it with someone who cares about them...but duh* if someone cares about you...theyre gong to seek help for you....as a good friend should.

 

in highschool i had a friend who was gettin abused & her parents were all kindsa effed up...drugs, jail etc. & she made me swear not to say anything...me & another girl told our teachers & they contacted childrens health services or whatever & we had a conference...she then got takin out of her abusive household...i thought shed hate me for sure...but i saw her about 2 years or so down the line & she ran up to me hugged me & thanked me endlessly for making the move she was so afraid to make. and how she was in college, very successful, actually graduating in only 3 yrs, & her, her parents & her other sisters are all getting the help they so longly needed...

 

a tragedy ending in happiness...which could have one day been fatal if i didnt speak up.

 

-DG724

[arwen]

Hey kiwi,

 

It's not weird that you feel this way. Fessing up something like this is really hard. Cutting is the way you have created a world for yourself, a place where no one can touch you and you have control over.

 

I think it took a lot of courage and strength to tell your boyfriend. It shows you trusted him. A true friend who is worried will however turn for help when he thinks it's better for you. I don't think you have to worry about an intervention, as long as you keep the communication open between you and your boyfriend. If he does want to seek for help, it is because he loves you and doesn't want you to hurt yourself.

 

You admitted yourself you need help. It's a big step, because really wanting help eventually means giving up of that private world.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[tanned_production]

I think its a huge step that you told your boyfriend. If he does end up seeking help for you.... or help for himself, on how to deal with you and your cutting issues... then its because he cares. You cant get mad at him for caring like that. but most of the counselling and such is confidention, so you cant plan an intervention even if you wanted too. good luck with everything.

[Finchabald]

you did a good thing by telling someone. its the firsty stage and a big step. By the fact that you did actually want to tell someone im guessing that actually you do want help. I expect that you bf is a bit concerned for you and im sure he wont do anything you dont want him to. make sure he knows you dont want him to tell anyone. The fact you feel that ur missing something is probably possitive. There is less emotional strain. it is not healthy to keep emotions locked up and that is waht u were doing. good luck. im here if you need to talk.

[kiwifox42]

thing is- i do want to stop- it will be terribly inconvinient to hide over the summer- i want to quit w/o involving parents/school/therapists- w/e......which brings me to another topic- do you have any suggestions on how to stop on ur own?

[arwen]

Hey kiwi,

 

I know no one who has been able to stop this on their own. You don't cut just for the sake of cutting, there are underlying reasons why you see this as your resort.

 

Meanwhile, there are ways to fight the urge to cut when it comes up. This is merely based on the stories as I know them from friends. They are now both regular runners. It's a very good way to fight the emotions (even if your emotion would be a complete emptiness).

 

You can think of it like this. Cutting is sort of a coping thing. It's a reaction to something that's going on inside of you, that you can't handle. Maybe it doesn't feel that way to you. It might even be you don't know why you do it. Anyway, when you don't know how to handle a situation, and it scares you, there are two ways, fight or flee. Both cutting and running are a way of 'flee'. The last even literally.

 

I think that's the reason my friends chose to run. They are really doing well, but they have had therapy for a long time.

 

You are still a young girl. You don't have to do this on your own. There's nothing wrong in seeking help.

 

take care,

 

Ilse.