Not sure if I should leave...

[Stay_home]

You have become her caretaker and caterer in this marriage by default due to her inability to properly balance her life. It's unfair because that means that you always have to carry your load plus hers because you don't have a strong enough partner who can stand on her own. That puts tremendous strain on one person having to do everything and having to be relied upon for so much; you never catch a break because there's always working and fixing that has to take place. Meanwhile, she's on autopilot and has become comfortable with you behind the wheel. It's not uncommon for couples to take advantage of each other. It happens. Sometimes when you really have it good, you forget where your blessings come from and you have to be reminded.

 

Part of sustaining a healthy non-toxic and non-flammable marriage is also recognizing things within or nearby that are problematic to your relationship and eliminating those things. Some may not agree, but this is the level of commitment that you have to have in order to keep your marriage prosperous. Bad friends, sucky jobs, crappy habits and contagious negative behaviors have to be taken out to the garbage. She hasn't been doing a great job of that, yet, she's expecting you to shoulder the majority of the problems. What are you getting out of all this, not very much but a freaking headache.

 

If your wife is not willing to go to marital counseling or acknowledge that there are problems between you that need fixing, I would hate to tell you this but I think your marriage could be shot. Maybe there's still hope and that if you separate for a little while perhaps she'll realize that she hasn't been a good wife and can make it up to you. I do believe in second chances. Some don't, but I do. Because we're not perfect, we all mistakes. But you can only help someone that wants to be helped and if she doesn't want help and expects you to continue to carry her across the sand when she's able to walk, that's not a good thing. Good luck.

[catfeeder]

About a year ago I asked her if she would be open to going to marital counseling and she didn't think there was any reason why we would need to.

 

I'd revisit this with her, and I'd ask her to consider that she's not speaking for 'we' if she still feels no need for counseling. Negotiate by asking her to come up with something you can use to bribe her in order for to do her part and participate in counseling with you.

 

If she won't cooperate to invest in your marriage, then you don't really have a decision left to make.