Am I wrong and controlling?

[FlashEng1]

Where are you getting he had a fling. There was a girl he flirted with before they meet that tried to flirt with him. He don't responded to her and told she gf friend all about it right there and then. She asked him to never to talk to her and he agreed with her. How do you get off assuming the point of view you want to argue. Yes you only have OPs info of what happened. If his gf wants to post she side great. Until then maybe you can stick with what OP has told us about.

 

"flirt, fling, date, it's all the same at the moment." My point still remains.

 

To further edify my point. With a relationship like Ops rules of flirting =cheating. Whether he flirted or had a fling It is the same thing to his girlfriend. Hence the ban. Please reread and understand my post.

[Usa1ah]

You have no point. OP knew that other girl before he meet his girlfriend . Had not seen or talked to her sense he started dating his gf until that night out with her. He never talked or responded out of respect for his gf and told her who she was and how he knew her. Then agreed to stay away from her when his gf asked him to. He never flirted with another girl while dating his gf. This is what his gf wants from him, he should get the same in return.

[FlashEng1]

You have no point. OP knew that other girl before he meet his girlfriend . Had not seen or talked to her sense he started dating his gf until that night out with her. He never talked or responded out of respect for his gf and told her who she was and how he knew her. Then agreed to stay away from her when his gf asked him to. He never flirted with another girl while dating his gf. This is what his gf wants from him, he should get the same in return.

 

Jesus Bro, I swear I spelled it out in my other post:

 

OPs girlfriend noticed someone flirting with him at the bar, she asked him what's up. He says "I knew of her before." She asks that he not talk to her again. Agreed. Moved on.

 

FF to next situation, OP walks out of the bathroom to watch his girlfriend at the bar talking to someone. Turns out she was asking a stranger a simple question about ashing her cigarette, yet he blew up. My point was that a past FLIRT (semantics) who was clearly flirting with you, was rude and a no go. Versus someone you asked a simple question at the bar at, are entirely different. I'm fairly sure you're just as dense and controlling if you continue to stand there and defend OP the way you have. In which case we can then both choose to agree to disagree and move on. Because my post(s) were directed to OP and not you, but thank you for jumping in and misinterpreting everything I've said. I did have a point, you just don't understand or get it.

[Tanzi]

Because like I stated in the reply you quoted, I'm not going to leave a girl I care about because of a couple fights. Everyone responding seems to believe that me and her have some terrible relationship. No!! we have a very happy one other than a few arguments here and there that we always resolve and move on from. I came here just to get an outside perspective other than my friends. And for the record she apologized to me the next day and said she was wrong for what she did. I apologized to her for fighting about it. We are perfectly fine now. The only reason I posted on here was to vent about being called controlling and to see if anyone had similar expiriences. I didn't come on here to be attacked by people that don't have the same relationship views as me and my girlfriend..

 

No-one is attacking you Idk. Merely giving you their opinions on your situation in the hope that you can have a smoother future.

 

My point was .... clearly she wasn't cheating on you .... and clearly you know that too, otherwise you wouldn't still be with her.

 

And for the record, no-one has suggested that flirting is OK, depending on its context of course. Some people are just naturally flirtatious without any intent or harm intended. If, however, you are with someone who flirts outrageously in front of you on a regular basis to either make you jealous or because they are an attention ho then that is a whole different ball game and I personally wouldn't trust someone like that, much less want to be with them. Again, there is no indication that your gf is like that.

 

Above all else, you need to remember that just as flirting doesn't constitute as cheating, neither does talking to the opposite sex constitute as flirting. With that mindset you are going to run into a lot of problems. If things don't change then you are going to be falling out and apologising to each over nothing on a regular basis .... and there might come a time when you don't make up.

 

You need to keep things in perspective. If you have no reason to believe that your gf will cheat on you and she knows you won't cheat on her then you BOTH need to cut EACH OTHER some slack because the likelihood is both of you will get approached again when you are out. You simply can't control what other people do.

[Tanzi]

Sorry for that. I deserve that one.

 

Ok, if the advance was in wanted by her then she could have turned her back on him. Plain and simple conversation with you is unwanted.

 

She was the one that insisted and agreed with no flirting with the opposite sex. OP was there and saw her flirting with the only stranger around her. Several other friends she could have been joking around with and she picked the stranger.

 

This is the problem she broke the rule that her and OP agreed to. He follows them and she claims his controlling when she caught breaking them.

 

If she wants to flirt then leave the relation ship and get with someone that does not mind watching there gf flirt with a complete stranger in front of them.

 

Sorry but, if a guy came over my shoulder like that, he made first contact. I would have told him he needs to back off with my hand on his chest persuading him to take a different direction.

 

You see my wife doesn't flirt and has turned her back on guys. So yes, I would keep someone like that way from her. Not because I am controlling but because I know her, I should we have been married for 27 years this June. Does she laugh and joke around with friends yes, strangers never.

 

Again sorry for being rude.

 

Apology accepted Usa1ah.

 

But I think you misunderstood me. I don't think that it is okay for the OP's girlfriend to do something that he isn't allowed to do. As I said above, I don't think the OP had any reason to apologise any more than his gf did. There is a lot of emphasis here on the gf flirting when there is no evidence of that. She approached this guy with a legit question. The fact that she was laughing at something he said doesn't constitutes as flirting and I don't see that she had any reason to turn her back on him, especially when it was she that approached him. If someone started speaking to me (as they have ... in bars, in a checkout queue, in the waiting room of a doctors surgery, whereve) ... I see no reason to turn my back on them. If they start to behave inappropriately then fine but until that happens there is no reason to be rude to another adult who is interacting with you. If she had approached a girl with the same question there would be no issue here at all. It really is because his gf was talking to another guy and laughing but that doesn't have to mean anything .... and that is where the whole maturity things comes into it.

 

If they have created boundaries in which they have to live by then, yes, they should both live by them. However, I think they are making life difficult for themselves if they are going to live by a rule that means they can't interact with someone of the opposite sex.

[Usa1ah]

***She notices a girl staring at me and asks who she is. I turn and look and the girl is looking at me smiling. It was a girl that I have been very flirty with in the past. I tell her it's a girl that I used to talk to before I met her. Which was true. I haven't seen or talked to her since I met my girlfriend. My girlfriend instantly says she dislikes her and I understand and don't see anything wrong with her saying it as I would feel the same way. Later on in the night the girl walks y behind me a grazes her hand across my back and smiles at me. I pay no attention to it and immediately apopologize to my girlfriend and tell her we should leave.***

 

He never talked to her or flirted. Has not seen or talked her sense he has been with his gf. You have no point. He never flirted in front of his girlfriend. He did everything to avoid it including leaving the bar......

[Usa1ah]

Hey Blue68, can look at two people and tell if they are flirting with one another. I can as well. He waited a minute when he came back out to see what was going on. If he saw her flirting with this guy then she was flirting. He is asking if anyone else has been in this situation and how they dealt with it. I don't believe he is calling it cheating just breaking the boundaries they have set up for their relationship.

[FlashEng1]

***She notices a girl staring at me and asks who she is. I turn and look and the girl is looking at me smiling. It was a girl that I have been very flirty with in the past. I tell her it's a girl that I used to talk to before I met her. Which was true. I haven't seen or talked to her since I met my girlfriend. My girlfriend instantly says she dislikes her and I understand and don't see anything wrong with her saying it as I would feel the same way. Later on in the night the girl walks y behind me a grazes her hand across my back and smiles at me. I pay no attention to it and immediately apopologize to my girlfriend and tell her we should leave.***

 

He never talked to her or flirted. Has not seen or talked her sense he has been with his gf. You have no point. He never flirted in front of his girlfriend. He did everything to avoid it including leaving the bar......

 

This is almost comical that you still say all of this. You don't get it. Move on bro, I'm sure the entire forum understood my point except you.

[Usa1ah]

Actually I think boundaries are easy to live with if the person you are with means something to you. I think OP has a better view to have seen if his gf was flirting. He did wait to see what was going on before he approached them. He believes she was flirting, if she flirts with him then he should know. She is the one that started the conversation with the stranger when several of her and OP's friends were right there. She could have asked any of her friends that question but she didn't. She starts a conversation with a question, great way to break the ice with any strange, then with in two to four minutes he knows her name. Then from what op relates she then apologized the next morning for what she did.

[Usa1ah]

Ok my miss. I did misread part of what you said.

 

The thing is were you at the bar, no. OP was and watched what was going on before he approached them. He saw her flirting with him. If you don't believe it then find a someone that was at the bar and dispute what the OP has said. Other then this all we have on anything posted in these forums is what the OP's tell us. To come out and basically call them a liar by saying he has no proof she was cheating is wrong. He is the one that was watching her, he should know when she is flirting.

[Tanzi]

***She notices a girl staring at me and asks who she is. I turn and look and the girl is looking at me smiling. It was a girl that I have been very flirty with in the past. I tell her it's a girl that I used to talk to before I met her. Which was true. I haven't seen or talked to her since I met my girlfriend. My girlfriend instantly says she dislikes her and I understand and don't see anything wrong with her saying it as I would feel the same way. Later on in the night the girl walks y behind me a grazes her hand across my back and smiles at me. I pay no attention to it and immediately apopologize to my girlfriend and tell her we should leave.***

 

He never talked to her or flirted. Has not seen or talked her sense he has been with his gf. You have no point. He never flirted in front of his girlfriend. He did everything to avoid it including leaving the bar......

 

As I have said before, BOTH the OP and his gf clearly have jealousy issues. I don't see this as being about what he can't do but what she can do. It is about them both having to live within boundaries that are going to be impossible to live by because neither of them can handle their other half having anything to do with someone of the opposite sex whether it someone from their past or someone they happen to interact with in the present. He had no need to apologised. He did nothing wrong. As far as we know neither did his gf. The OP admits to having jealousy issues and I believe that this is what allowed him to interpret her interacting with another guy as flirting. If, however, she was couldn't wait to find an excuse to get talking to this guy the moment his back was turned then he has bigger fish to fry as she clearly can't be trusted! I think the both need to learn to put things into perspective or split up until they both grow up or address their jealous issues. I think the OP knows that this could have blown up due to his jealousy issues which is why he started the thread. Bottom line is, seeing as neither of them had any intention of going off with this other girl and guy there really didn't need to be ANY issue .... for either of them.

[Tanzi]

Ok my miss. I did misread part of what you said.

 

The thing is were you at the bar, no. OP was and watched what was going on before he approached them. He saw her flirting with him. If you don't believe it then find a someone that was at the bar and dispute what the OP has said. Other then this all we have on anything posted in these forums is what the OP's tell us. To come out and basically call them a liar by saying he has no proof she was cheating is wrong. He is the one that was watching her, he should know when she is flirting.

 

Ahhhh but neither were you there. My point above still stands. I never said anywhere that he was lying ... rather he saw what his jealousy lead him to see. If you stand there long enough, eventually you are going to see what you are looking for .... even if that just be a laugh or giggle!

 

And I'm not sure where cheating has come into this. If he has proof she cheated THEN WHY IS HE STILL WITH HER? Unless you are equating flirting to cheating of course .... which brings us around in a full circle again.