He fell out of love after almost 7 years together </3

[snowpeachdoll]

I might not sound clear because I'm so crushed right now so forgive me for the grammar and typo errors.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and 9 months and we recently just broke up. He has been having a lot of issues lately with where he is in life, his career and financial status and then he tried to talk to me about plans of getting married. You see, we have different religion. He belongs to a religious group named "Iglesia ni Cristo" and we are both aware about this since the beginning of our relationship. In fact, we talk about this from time to time and all he says is that he is already sure about me. I raise questions like what if your church wants us to stop seeing eachother, and he always reassures me that he will not let it happen or he is willing to take the consequences because his love is pure and I always believe him. He asked me to move out with him and we have been living together for 3months.

 

we went out to dinner one night and he said that he wanted me to "enter his world" (after 6 years he talks to me like this) and that it would be better if I convert because he would be the one to lead the family when we get married and all that. He mentioned that he feels like he is always the one who goes after me. I did not reject it I just felt so confused because I was always honest that I just couldnt do it that easy. And I couldnt give him a concreate answer and it appears that he took it negatively. I broke down one time when he tells me that I'll just be hurt if I continue my relationship with him. I became paranoid and felt the need to pull him close because I dont want him to leave me. I have made a huge investment of emotion with him. He is my first everything and my future is always based him. We made love several times and he reassures me that he loves me so much.

 

But then in a span of just weeks, our relationship keeps lagging. I noticed that our weekly activity became little to nothing. He spends time with his friend often. And when I confronted him, he tells me that he feels like he is choking and would like to spend more time with himself. I can still remember it was only a month when we were both crazy about eachother, but now he tells me that he feels nothing but just care anymore. I tried to kiss him but he turns away and he cries he says he doesn't know himself anymore, and he keeps searching for that person who use to love me and how did he lost it. He woke up one day and wonders who he is. And that he has fallen out of love. It hurts so much because I love him. I could not let him go. I asked if I convert to his religion would it come back and he said maybe it will but he dont know. He just needs to have space. And I feel afraid that he may never come back because he tells me that I deserve someone who can love me the way I love him. He is not the type of guy that womanize and he is always loyal and he assures me that there is no 3rd party involved. Its just that he is not capable of loving right now and wants to focus on himself. He said he still cares, he wants me to take care of myself. But he said that there's no love anymore.

 

Let me just add that i am already 29 years old and I feel pressured because I might not be able to conceive anymore. And I don't really know if I can ever love again the way I loved him

[Wiseman2]

He may get in trouble for dating you and his fellow congregants may have been advising him to end it since you aren't sure about converting. Don't convert lightly and don't be strong-armed into this if at first he claimed it didn't matter and now he claims you need to convert.

 

"Those who continue in violation of INC doctrines after being admonished are excommunicated or expelled from the INC and thus lose salvation, and therefore, the church does not believe in the perseverance of the saints. Certain violations, such as eating blood, being absent for too long without any solid reason during worship services, or marrying or having a romantic relationship with a non-member may result in mandatory excommunication".

He belongs to a religious group named "Iglesia ni Cristo" he wanted me to "enter his world" I couldnt give him a concreate answer. he tells me that he feels like he is choking and would like to spend more time with himself. I asked if I convert to his religion would it come back and he said maybe it will but he dont know.

[snowpeachdoll]

It could be. Its just too painful that we lasted this long and now I'm here alone. He added that he wanted to see his worth because he has been fighting for me for too long and now he feels like I'm not doing something or I'm not fighting for him. You see, I'd be willing to if the time is right, I just don't feel that it's right when I try to listen to the preachings. I was honest about it all the time with him all the time. But then he said he's already tired of hoping this would work

[Wiseman2]

Do not join anything that doesn't make sense to you "for love" you will regret it as the biggest mistake of your life. Let him go. He is a liar. He used a bait and switch at first saying "it doesn't matter, I love you, blah blah, blah" and now is twisting your arm to join his group. Dump him, he was insincere and that won't change particularly if you are trapped in this group or in such a marriage.

I just don't feel that it's right when I try to listen to the preachings.

[snowpeachdoll]

Do not join anything that doesn't make sense to you "for love" you will regret it as the biggest mistake of your life. Let him go. He is a liar. He used a bait and switch at first saying "it doesn't matter, I love you, blah blah, blah" and now is twisting your arm to join his group. Dump him, he was insincere and that won't change particularly if you are trapped in this group or in such a marriage.

 

Thank you for this. He knows that too and he keeps saying sorry for it and he says he only did that because he was selfish and he don't want to lose me. But now I guess he's ready. He also don't want me to live a life full of regrets. I know I have to let go now. I just couldn't bear the pain. I don't know how to move on from here. I moved out of our apartment and left some of my stuffs. Planning to get it later after work, after he left so we wouldn't see each other. He said he still cares and he would like me to be happy. It crushes me everytime he acts so kind towards me. But thanks Wiseman2 I really appreciate your response.

[DoF]

I know how you feel, it sucks, I understand. BUT, your feelings are completely irrelevent in this scenerio. HIS feelings (or lack there of) is what's really relevent.

 

He no longer loves you. So ask yourself, do you REALLY want to be with a person that has no feelings/love for you?

 

If the answer is yes, than you have much deeper issues than anyone here can deal with.

 

Disengage ASAP and go no contact/block him and never speak to him again. It's the only way things will get better and when that happens is when your healing/recovery time will start. ANY contact = reset of that time. And stay away from opposite sex during healing process (which will take good 3-6 months to a year).

 

And also, I would strongly recommend staying away from religious folks.......but that's just me.

[snowpeachdoll]

I still love him and I might never love again. What if he contacts me how do I respond? What if he wants to be friends and I dont?

[Wiseman2]

You will find love again, I promise you that...but not while "you still love him". The key is to reflect deep inside about what you really want in life on all levels, including relationships, spirituality and what kind of life you envision for yourself. If it does not align with him or his group, then don't let emotional attachments sway you. After reflection, you'll know what to say if he calls. No, do not stay friends...that will not lead you to the goals and dreams you search for in life.

I still love him and I might never love again. What if he contacts me how do I respond? What if he wants to be friends and I dont?

[snowpeachdoll]

You will find love again, I promise you that...but not while "you still love him". The key is to reflect deep inside about what you really want in life on all levels, including relationships, spirituality and what kind of life you envision for yourself. If it does not align with him or his group, then don't let emotional attachments sway you. After reflection, you'll know what to say if he calls. No, do not stay friends...that will not lead you to the goals and dreams you search for in life.

 

Are you saying to "permanently delete" him from now on? Is there an easy way? It was almost 7 years. How do I do this? has anyone experienced this kind of issue and how did you guys moved on?