I found her dress...

[ChickadeeChii]

Hi all, I'm 19 and I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 and a half years the other day. We went on a break 3 weeks ago, met up, and then went on a 2 week break with 'no rules' as such basically permitting the other to get with someone if they so wanted. We were slowly drifitng apart, as we've been together since I was 16 and obviously, 2 people change a lot at that age! I'm also going to Uni in September, so we planned on going our separate ways before that anyway.

Anyway, we talked it over and decided that it had run it's natural course and was just naturally ending. He came to drop my stuff off, we said what we needed to say, hugged, and were on about as good terms as 2 people can be on at the point of a break up. Hard, but okay. Though distraught, I felt I could slowly start to heal myself over a long time and look forward to my new life in September.

However, I was unpacking all of my stuff today and I found a perfume covered dress that wasn't mine he'd put in there accidentily. I phoned him up to talk about it, completely calm, and assuring him I wasn't angry, as the rules of the break permitted it, I just wanted to hear the truth from him. He told me he slept with this girl on the first week of the no rules break and they're not in a relationship but they're more than friends. Apparantly 'she found him and helped him a lot with getting through the break up'. I have no idea what I feel. I feel betrayed, angry, hurt, hysterical, absolutely goddamn awful. What a horrible, sucky way to find that out eh? I have noone to talk to, I have no friends (I really, really don't, and I can't make any, I live in a tiny tiny area in the countryside and it's difficult to meet new people you don't already know).

I just don't know what to do. We were on such good terms! I know he doesn't mean to hurt me and it's probably his way of getting over it, but how does someone move on that quickly? Did our 2+ years mean absolutely nothing? How is he out there banging another girl when I'm here crying my eyes out trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart?

I've had some stupid thoughts cross my mind. Scary thoughts. Things I'd never act on, but the thoughts were there none the less. I haven't self harmed in a very long time, I don't want to start again because of this upset.

 

Please, someone help me.

[Jibralta]

Your feelings are very normal for this type of thing. Obviously, don't go hurting anyone (including yourself).

 

The fact that he is seeing someone else does not mean that your time together meant nothing. It also doesn't mean that he is moving on quickly. He is probably trying to find his way through this just as you are.

 

I am sorry that you are hurting. I would feel horrible, too. Nothing but time will make these sad feelings fade, so don't go doing anything rash because you will end up feeling even worse. I'm sure that you don't want that!