Still in love with my ex and he still loves me too?

[jerianne]

My name is Jerianne and I'm 18 years old. I was in a relationship with my ex, Michael, for nearly 2 years. We have been broken up for almost a year now and we have been talking for the past few months. We also just recently hung out and goofed around like we used to. Before I get too into detail I should let you know how we broke up.. Last summer I had started hanging out with an old friend who confessed his attraction to me and kissed me. I was super surprised by it and caught off guard but I couldn't help that I liked it. I loved attention.. I was too immature for Michael. So because of the guilt I had for everything I broke up with him in the middle of the night when he was asleep by text and blocked his number because I couldn't handle how he'd react and I kind of wanted him to hate me so he wouldn't miss me. But after a month of realizing I threw away two amazing years I instantly regretted my impulsive decision. As months went by I attempted to apologize to him and just get him to talk to me. Finally after a while of leaving him alone and getting myself together I emailed him (he blocked me on all social media and I got rid of his number to be less tempted to bug him), admitting my faults and sincerely apologized. He finally accepted and we started to talk again but not anything like we used to. Right now we're finally in a place where we're texting almost everyday and making plans to hang out again. The only thing we've discussed about us being together again was he told me he still loved me, I still have his heart, and I'm still his princess after I told him I am still so in love with him and I hope one day we can be together again. In addition to his confession about still loving me, he admitted to not knowing what our future holds for us and he doesn't want to say anything because he just doesn't know if we will ever be together again. He is also moving to Sacramento in a month or two which is an hour away from my town. Please help me cope with this confusion! I need advice..

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he wants to hang out maybe for fwb and he is telling you straight up that he cares but he is making no promises.

he just doesn't know if we will ever be together again

[saluk]

That's not how it sounds to me at all Wiseman2 - but what do I know haha.

 

I think that it's clear he still loves you, but you dumped him, and for fairly selfish reasons at that. You did not give him the opportunity to decide how to handle the fact that someone kissed you, instead making the decision for him, and all because you felt guilty. I'm not trying to get on your case, that's just how it is, and probably how he sees it. And the way it happened it would be very hard for him to trust you again. How does he know that you won't sleep with someone the next time instead of just kissing? How does he know you wont break up with him again? For that matter, how well do you trust yourself to stay with him, not get into situations that could lead to cheating, and not break up with him when things get hard? What if you ended up in that situation partly because your relationship is growing stale, and you both have grown apart?

 

There is a lot of doubt to work through, so getting back together is an uphill battle. Coupled with the impending long-distance relationship, of which so many your age face and so few are able to overcome, and it might seem the logical course of action is to leave that relationship in the past. Even though the way it ended was messy and could have happened in a better way, if it needed to end then it will just hurt more to pick it back up again.

 

I can't tell you what to do. If you really have an understanding of what you want, and it is still him, and you think he's worth fighting for, and he is able to trust you again, it might work out. How much are you willing to fight for that or wait for him to be ready? Especially when there is so much else likely on your plate in figuring out your life going forward?

[jerianne]

I understand that how I left and why I left was really messed up and like I said, immature of me. I've learned from my mistakes and I'm completely ready to wait for him to make a decision, and the long distance thing will work itself out if he gives me a chance to prove I'd never do that again. I just want to know how to deal with the fact that we might not possibly get back together again because I do love him so much and I know he loves me too. Everything is just really hard right now and I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the worst. And I want to know if it sounds like we could work through this.

[Wiseman2]

The past doesn't matter that much otherwise he wouldn't be seeing you. He is making no promises and warning you of that because of the present and the future...moving, etc. not because of the past. He says he cares but can not see a future. I would take him at his word and not unilaterally plan a LDR in your mind.

[jerianne]

yeah i can understand that, thank you