having a concsience stops me making moves (not sure if theres better words...)

[swordfish]

Basically, I don't go out on the pull. I quite happy to go out, dance and have fun. Anything else is extra. But in the Times when I see someone I like, I get put off when is see other guys dancing with them. Even if it's obvious the girl does like them. Because I feel guilty for that guy and if I go over and dance/ talk etc it could upset him. It's not just that. If a girl has broken up with someone, and I know the guy in some way, and she's coming on to me, it's the same. And it's worse when a guy will tell me he likes someone and I like them too. I don't want competition so do what I can to help him at my expense. Not really sure what to do because I know for a fact other guys, especially where I live would go for girls no matter what the situation and are persistent, and usually succeed. And have been gazumped many times.

[agent1607307371]

This isn't conscience, this is low self-esteem. Honestly, there is always going to be competition, but if you don't show up you don't have a chance.

 

And if you are waiting for someone to see you waiting in the corner, you will be waiting a long time. You need to think that you are just as entitled to ask a girl to dance or go for a coffee as any other man in the room.

[rosephase]

I think it can be important to have ethics around who you flirt with. I don't flirt with people in monogamous relationships even if I really like them. That is my choice to respect their preexisting relationships. I even have some people I won't flirt with simply because they have complicated histories with close friends or partners... but not hitting on someone because you see other people like them? That is silly. Are you waiting for someone who no one else likes so they have to like you? And the wired defiance you show to dudes comes across as treating women as objects to be owned and bargained for. Women are people who have individual connections to other people. How about you stop trying to "pull" them in the first place and get to know some women as human beings? If you have an actual connection with a person instead of a game plan that you are measuring against other men, you might find you have more confidence.

[Movingforward3]

If they aren't in a relationship, they are all fair game. It is survival of the fittest. Or the best. You will not have success as a wall flower. It's not about ethics, it's about being a man and going for what you want.

[Wolfshook]

It's always about competition and being above your competition. Like running for gold,other runers wanting that gold should not stop you from actually doing your best.

[BlarneyStone]

Everything that's been posted is true but I want to add in a caveat.

 

This competition should not exist among your good friends. If your buddy gets rejected by a girl it's probably best to leave her alone.