im not ok

[soalone]

It's been three months and Im still a mess. Will I ever be ok?

[winkybear]

Im still in a mess too. For me its been nearly 4 months plus. It sucks when i have to see my ex flirting when i already feel like crap.

[hockeyboy]

3 months...how many months of nc though?

[bellaBH]

Every one says no contact, but it is REALLY hard. I try though and fail a lot but i will keep on trying. I am sorry that you are still hurting. I think you need some counselling (i need some myself!). It makes you feel so much better afterwards. I used to go to counselling and I felt lighter aftewards. My counsellor helped to me see things in a different light. It was great. I stopped because I moved to a different country and haven't found a counsellor yet but it did help.

[heloladies21]

Buddy you will be OK. It took me a full year after my first break up, but it eventually happened. Doing No Contact is your first step. You will heal faster. And find hobbies, friends, dress well, and most importantly party party party. You will find someone else who can give you everything that your ex wasn't able to. My recent ex never calls, never writes, never emails. I'm glad she dumped me because I got rid of someone who never truly cared about me in the first place. It's such a turn off.

[soalone]

I've tried everything but I still have such a void in my heart. I have had my heart broken before, but thought that this girl was really the one. 4 years just to have it all end so quicky. I still wake up crting every morning. I don't find pleasure in anything I used to like. Man this hurts so much and I have no one to turn to. I wish I could just crawl into a hole and die. I really don't see how I will get through this. Please someone tell me I will be Ok.

[arwen]

Hey soalone,

 

You will find many people here who can relate to your feelings... I am sorry for your pain. I have been there, it still sometimes hurts, and the thought it will happen all over again haunts me in my present relationship sometimes.

 

It really takes time to heal, and YES I am sure you really will be ok. Allow yourself to feel sad, it's normal. It will not go away if you keep fighting that feeling.

 

Be nice to yourself. I bought a great fantasy computergame after my last break up. It was a great way to move my mind somewhere else, in a different world, where I could create my own reality. Just for a while, when things would be too much.

 

Ilse.

[stoligirl]

I just saw your post. I haven't visited this site for many months, but am going through a break up of a different kind, and needed some support.

Perhaps the best way I can help myself today is by listening to what you are going through and let you know that I understand....I do. I know how it feels when your heart actually hurts, and there's NOTHING anyone can say or do to help you snap out of it.

 

What I can offer you is my sincere hope that you get through this, and that I wish you kindness and compassion, and healing thoughts. I could tell you about my experience from over a year ago, but really, it's unimportant. You're hurting, and it's sometimes easier to talk to strangers than it is to talk to your friends. Just know that this site is one of the best, and there are so many stories, and we all can somehow relate to the heartbreak that invaribly happens in our lives.

 

It didn't matter what people told me when I went through my first serious heartbreak. It didn't matter that all the cliche's they shared were true, that time would heal the wounds, that I would be able to open my heart again and find another love. I just wanted that person back, the one I wanted to grow old with.

 

It's OK to keep crying, just be sure to keep working, or going to school, or doing all the things that you need to do to survive. Just know that you're not alone, and that I'm hurting today, too.

 

Perhaps the pain we feel will guide us to making better choices next time.

[dfreitas]

Im tired of hurting. Its only been like two weeks for me and I am in dire straights. Its like I am anticipating what is a head a long drawn out deal. I hear a song or I see something or a subject comes up the last six years every memory is with him, him who dumped me after promiseing a life and foreverness. How cruel with no reason. Well I just can tell you whoever is hurting there you are not alone obviously, ook at everyone hurting. Ashame we cant just have a big cry party and all meet somewhere could be like a convention HA. Ive tried to do everything. Talking to people about it like on here helps problem is the meinute I m away fro m the computer I crumble. And my life is really not that bad, it hasnt turned out at all like I wanted hoped dreamed or expected at all. I t is difficult to learn to make the best of what life deals you I am just wondering why life dealt me him! Why wasnt someone looking out for me ???? I know, I wouldnt have listened, lessons the hard way. Oh well. I will just let all the hurt flood me and drive me crazy until I jsut get so sick of it I automatically move on. That is what I keep waiting for. Someone on here said one day youd wake up and not really care hardly at all and it would be almost over with. That is the day I am waiting for and just think its only been two weeks for me.

[Lokylom]

I an personally relate to quite a few people in this thread, with just my current wife I'm in heavy heavy counselling in. I know what it feels like to put my entire heart into a relationship, and entrust the "other" with treating it with respect and love. The way I deal with it is this: I separate myself from the situation, take a look at reality, realise that no matter what happened could have happened, etc. things happened this way. And there is nothing you can do to change it. Do you think your ex is going through similar pain? Then why should you. Don't confuse other emotion's into it like fear, paranoia, anger. It will only make you feel worse. Take a deep breath, realise that things went the way they did for whatever reason, and learn from it. You'll be a stronger person afterwards for it. You already know you need help, otherwise you wouldn't have posted on here. Take care, and know that there are other people out there with good traits and principals. One last quick note, try helping other people, it always makes me feel better. ~lil D man

[pos69sum]

you're not alone. stay strong, make yourself happy. this too shall pass.

[blue boy]

I know EXACTLY what each one of you are feeling - there is no feeling like it in the world - you are helpless, frustrated, sad, lonely, lack confidence and see no future.

 

The advice you ahve been given by people is very sound and supportive. I certainly think the faster you can meet new people the better; only then will your self-esteem begin to improve.

 

This site helps in that respect. Care and support each other, and let them know they are good, kind and warm human beings.

 

People who have callously abandoned you are dysfunctional uncompassionate human beings.

 

It's 5 months for me - and the pain does lessen oh soooo gradually - it is ok to be angry so don't worry.

 

I know when you log off from this site you become weaker; however you are still breathing, there is a beautiful big, wide world out there, with lovely men and women.

 

Your star will shine brightly again and I wish you all lots of great things, which WILL one day happen.

[lewisbn11]

there is no feeling in the world like losing the one. the one which you were so sure is the most beautiful incredible person you will ever meet. But if she was the one then why did it end. Everyone will meet the one in the end

[Fay]

It has only been a week for me and the hurt doesn't seem to lessen. Everywhere I look there is a memory of something together or thoughts of a future I thought we shared. It hurts so much I can hardly function and I torture myself wondering why it had to be this way and what he is doing.

As unbearable as I am finding it I do know one thing. I may be heartbroken but I'm not dead. It will fade in time and I will go on. We may even find our way back to eachother. In the mean time I do have to grieve for what i lost in my relationship and try to fill my life with other things. It happened for a reason and I can't change it now but I know it will get better. Slow progress but progress none the less.

[lonelyfish]

It's hard to fathom but it does get better with time. Do NC, it really helps so much. Do what ever it takes to make yourself feel better but try not to think of the ex. Time does heal all wounds. This site is great, people really care for your well being on here and it is so compasionately received. To be honest I just found out my ex is with someone new and I think it's a good thing because I feel like I can move on and concentrate on myself. It also makes me realize that maybe he wasn't for me afterall!

[Eyre]

And sometimes it seems to get better and then BAM it gets worse. Things will get better. You will hurt less, and enjoy more. If you hit a set back know that even that will pass. (Please lLet's cross our fingers together that it is true, I myself am counting on it.) My ex was so enthusiastic about how much he loved me, and less than 7 months after we broke up he has found a new love and not only had a serious relationship but gotten engaged and set a wedding date.

 

I wish I hadn't asked him how things were going...hearing about the new girlfriend was bad enough.