Please help!

[Wetash]

Me and my bf had an argument regarding something silly one night and I slept off...

He was complaining of throat pain the previous day, but he went out to a bar and drank... And also he called my friends to go eat out early in the morning... I was sleeping... I knew he was mad at me and he prefers avoiding me during such times...

Well he had promised to come to the airport to drop my friend the next day as I needed help with the baggage. Morning, He texted and told me he couldnt come as he was sick. I told him its okay, take care. But i was furious as this wasnt the first time it was happening... I was furious as he drunk full night even though he was sick, but he told me he couldnt come to the airport when I needed his help. I guess I kind of showed I was mad.

This might sound immature, but do such things generally happen in a relationship. Are these kind of misunderstandings common. ?

[HeartGoesOn]

Rather than calling it a "misunderstanding" it appears that he's showing you where his priorities lie. Are you comfortable with this?

[Wetash]

I wasnt. Thats why I showed I was mad. But later I felt bad and apologized! I thought he wasnt well and I was mad at him for no reason.

Leaving his priority aside, do people get angry like this sometimes or was I horrible to him?

[ThatwasThen]

He let you down and you voiced your reaction to that. Had he gone home instead of going out and getting his drink on, he'd likely not be too sick to honour his promise to help you out.

 

He's showing you who he is, don't dismiss the facts or spin them so that you don't have to see who he really is. You likely wouldn't have been angry at him cancelling for being sick if he hadn't gone out the night before to party hardy.

[ParisPaulette]

Do such things happen in relationships? Yes, in bad ones where you're with a "me first" sort of person. In a good relationship with a mature responsible adult, who when asked to pitch in and agrees to do so, keeps their promise instead of being out boozing it up the night before. No.

 

I've had both types of relationships and let me tell you, I will never put up with another "Oh, I'll do X, Y, Z" and then the day of magically they fall sick/lose their phone/pick a phony fight so they have an excuse not to show up blah-blah-bs-bs. Give me the person who keeps their promise and the partner who is dependable any day of the week. And I can't have that then I'll go it alone, because who has time for that crap?

 

You do understand this is a pattern and no, he doesn't care if you get mad at him, he knows there will be no consequence since all that will happen is you grouse at him. You've become "Mom" and he's "Child" and there is nothing unsexier and less productive in a relationship than that. If it were me, and it has been, I'd inform him that I"m not interested in being a "mom" and nagging him or getting upset. But I'm also not interested in being with a child who will fake sick and make false promises then hide in his bedroom when asked to do work.

 

After that I'd delete him off of everything and move forward, because this guy has pretty much shown you how he deals with things. And who he is.

 

Up to you if you want to stay with someone like that, but don't expect anything else but having to act like his mother. It gets really old really fast. A grown man or woman is able to keep their word and pitch in. A child uses excuses to get out of it then hides.

[j.man]

I'm reading this right, you needed him to come with you to drop your friend off at the airport because ... you needed help with the baggage? Were the two of you not capable enough? Maybe I'm misunderstanding. I wouldn't necessarily want to tag along for that, either. But I would have simply not agreed to do it to begin with.

 

It's possible his sickness could have gone from 0 - 60 real quick that day, so I wouldn't jump on him for going out that night and getting breakfast the next day. I actually very recently misjudged an itchy throat and didn't take care of myself as well as I should've and ended up bedridden the next afternoon. But in all likelihood he just didn't want to go and didn't extend you the courtesy of being honest about it.

 

Has he proven himself unreliable in other instances as well?

[Wetash]

Well honestly I didnt ask him for any help. He offered it himself before we fought about something.

It wasnt like I was expecting him to help me lift baggage, like you mentioned we girls are highly capable of doing that ourselves. He offered to come along and help and I agreed after saying the normal its okay dont bother.

What pissed me off was , He told something and didnt keep up his word.

Again his sickness might have soared like you mentioned. And hence I said sorry for reacting that way.

But the thing is I knew he wouldnt come before he even had to tell me anything. Because we had fought and I felt he was avoiding me. Which I hate.

All I am asking is , is it normal to get mad in such situations or did I do something horrible?

[Wetash]

And yes the same has happened twice till now. Both instances I said sorry for reacting cause he was sick.

He really isnt well but the situations always turned out this way-

He promises to come with me ( both cases same airport) , We fight previous night for someother reason, he parties that night, next day he really isnt well, tells me

He cant make it , instant reaction is I get irritated. Is that normal?

I get irritated and tell him and then say sorry.

[Wetash]

Thank You. You are right. Had he gone home or we hadnt fought the previous night , obviously I wouldnt have reacted that way!

This is exactly what I was thinking but suddenly started thinking how did I react so badly to him that day.

[Wetash]

Your replies are the best I get and seriously saves my day. Thank you so much.

I am going through a very hard post breakup stage and keep questioning if I was a horrible person or didnt care about him.

What you say is what I always think and know but just choose to ignore and keep blaming myself for the whole relationship failure.

[j.man]

Well honestly I didnt ask him for any help. He offered it himself before we fought about something.

It wasnt like I was expecting him to help me lift baggage, like you mentioned we girls are highly capable of doing that ourselves. He offered to come along and help and I agreed after saying the normal its okay dont bother.

What pissed me off was , He told something and didnt keep up his word.

Again his sickness might have soared like you mentioned. And hence I said sorry for reacting that way.

But the thing is I knew he wouldnt come before he even had to tell me anything. Because we had fought and I felt he was avoiding me. Which I hate.

All I am asking is , is it normal to get mad in such situations or did I do something horrible?

I'm completely with you as far as him not coming through on his word. I think it's perfectly normal to get put off and to question his reliability. As far as how mad I'd get, it'd depend on how much I'd actually been put off.

[thejigsup]

He was sick and you ragged on him. Hmmmm. You weren't horrible or mean, but you also weren't very considerate. I am one to leave when I get mad at someone and it is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS what I do during that time. So, was he self-centered? No. Were you horrible? No. You just expected someone who was angry at you to play by your rules. Isn't going to happen. I'm glad you apologized to him.