Dealing with my ex’s taunts

[Harry_83]

I really need to get a lot of things off my chest so please bear with me.

 

Ok here goes. Last year my ex girlfriend and I broke up, and she was the one who ended it by sending me a letter. This letter was full of insults, which in my mind were totally uncalled for. I could just about handle the insults directed at me, but she also insulted my family. The insults aimed at my family hurt me a lot, and I pointed this out to her. Did she care? Of course not. Anyway, after a few weeks, she called me, totally out of the blue. She acted as if nothing had happened, and asked what I was up to. I said that I had decided not to take up my place at University/College and was planning to go in 2005 instead. She laughed at me and said she thought I had more ambition than that, and that I'll do nothing with my life. She also went on to mention how wonderful her new life was at University and how she had been meeting, and sleeping with loads of new guys. 'Fair enough' I thought to myself, 'she's trying to wind me up, just ignore it.' So after we finished talking I decided to ignore her.

 

Occasionally I would get the odd text message off her. These included the following comments; 'Well I had another date with Jon today, we slept together four times. Call me now. Another one was; 'You are a sad t**t, you will never go to university and if you did you will be a failure.' What was her problem I thought to myself? Not only had she gloated that she was the one who ended our relationship and insulted my family, she also had to say that her life was so much better than mine. I'm a very sensitive guy, and after a while these insults caused me to doubt myself. I understand that the simple thing to do would be to ignore her, but I just couldn't. So I decided to fight fire with fire and point out her faults. All that did was add fuel to the fire. I think the comments I made hit a nerve, so I have to admit that even though I was childish, it was satisfying to fight back and stand up for myself.

 

Anyway, in recent weeks, the only contact I've had with her is through messenger, and it has become blatantly obvious that the only reason she ever wants to speak with me is to taunt me by implying that I am worthless. I simply told her that I have been offered a place at three different universities. Not bad for someone would never get to Uni, is it? To which said that she was planning to emigrate the country with someone she only met 5 months ago once she had finished university. I don't know whether or not she was being serious, and quite frankly I don't care, but I do believe that she can't accept that I have made plans and have moved on with my life without her. I don't think she can handle that.

 

Finally, I would just like to say that this girl, at the age of 22, has been pregnant twice, engaged twice, slept with roughly 150 men and is a very heavy drinker. She kept all of this from me until we got together. We hardly ever speak these days, but a part of me really wants to throw all of her insults back in her face. Gain some sort of revenge for insulting my family. I figured that the best way to do this was to prove her wrong by accomplishing the things she said I would never be able to. Rather than getting involved in a slanging match which is quite frankly childish. What do you guys think?

[detox5]

Hmm if i was in your sitation, and she kept on insulting me, people have done it before. The last thing i want is to be upset, OR in a defensive position.

 

for example, if she says look at you, you have no friends, your answer shouldnt be ohh shut up and what about u, or just ignore her.

 

I would be like real upbeat and be like "well lets hope things will improove then lol" or "well I like to think i have some lol"

 

its like real upbeat.

 

or if she says hey your a loser, u wont pass at uni why are u bothering, your answer should be "well ill ive it my best try, thats all i can do i suppose"

 

Its like you should tell yourself, that you REFUSE to accept her S**t as insults.

I think this is the ebst way to deal with insults, it will ONLY make her even more mad that she isnt getting to you. her insulting is her way of jealousey, she insults ur family proberly cause shes jealous of the great relationship u share with them as she has none.

 

she hits your dreams, cause she has none, she is just really jealous.

imagine if she says to you, hey i got 2 dates tomorrow, and u say wow thats cool, i think im hanging out with someone cool as well should be fun.

 

ANYMONEY she will try and oput do you, either say, well actually im havin 9 datres, and there spending loads of money and taking me to nice places.

lol you should be like, wow i hope u have a nice time, im just gonna go someplace quiet with this girl, should be quite fun.

 

its like u dont follow her level, you just negotiate saying, well thats all well and good, just not my thing, i like what im doing NOT what your doing.

 

Hope this helps.

[MetallicAguy]

lmao, dude you can insult her on everything, you said she a heavy drinker and has roughly slept with 150 men LOL!!. (Example) text message you could say, "Well actually I have great ambition for my life and your just jealous that I'm more happy with my life. You appear to be all sad, since your a heavy drinker. You also can't find the right **** size, what *****(hint would sleep with 150 men. I think my life is better than that. I guarantee you have an STD." I mean the list can go on, if she ever pisses you off again just insult her on her own problems lol. Though I recommend you don't though, like you said it is childish which is true. You could say "Well, I'm thinking you still have feelings for me because your wondering what I'm up to". Basically next time she sees you out in public or if she's talking to you in person and she disses you or whatever, just smile and say "Thank You" LOL it pisses people off so much when you do this. It's called Reverse Psychology and it can do amazing things. When I was a kid I did this all the time to school bullies and they'd just leave me alone after I did this and they thought there was no way they could ever get revenge on me.

[Strandysmommy]

LOL! I'm sorry, friend. But my gosh, listen to this little girl. She's not dating all over the place! She has no social life, she has no friends, she regrets ending it with you and is throwing out this baloney to try to make herself feel better. Textbook case of the "oh no what did I do, I am not the queen bee I thought I was".

 

Hey, another thing here; I work in child care. I have worked with school aged kids and she sounds just like one. A girl dumps her best friend and comes back saying "oh I am going to so and so's party, and I have a million friends..." Ok, prove it. No not in pictures, not second hand from friends...PROVE IT. Bring these dudes around, make her put one on the phone so you can talk to them. Gawd, what a liar, and a bad one at that.

 

Seriously, honey, she's not doing any of that, she's totally lying through her teeth. And as for the engaged and pregnant thing: did you witness this? Were you present, or did she just say that? Sounds REAL fishy to me. Chin up, ignore her and she'll stop...she just wants to get a rise out of you and makeherself feel good. Ignore her and she'll have nobody to harass.

[MetallicAguy]

she hits your dreams, cause she has none, she is just really jealous.

Exactly what I was trying to explain she's a loser. Anyone that calls you a loser is just jealous of what's on their plate right now. They carry a lot of baggage because they never really made it through life successfully. I'm surprised that ***** even went to college with what she does (drinking and screwing).

[RayKay]

Sounds like she is trying to just get a rise out of you.

 

Easy solution to it all though...block her. You said she only contacts you through email, MSN and text. So block her. Set your email to block her address, or even just change email addys. Call your service provider about blocking her number. Delete her off your contact list and block her there. She is not worth anytime you spend "insulting her back" either...so just completely cut her out. Actions speak way louder than words, and silence can sometimes be the BEST action in this case.

 

Don't listen to a WORD she has said. She sounds like a snivelly, little selfish girl...and is NOT worth your time or even your efforts or thought at all. Maybe she did do all that, maybe she did not...and if she did, more clear reasons why you should cut her out of your life - there are some people who come accross our lives who are pure poison and she is one of them. Time for you to just cut her out of your life and move on to MUCH better things, and MUCH better women!

[SugarSweetness407]

Hi Harry,

I know how you feel...i've been there with my ex, its one thing to insult me but when they go to your family sometimes it really does hit a nerve, and usually the "Defenses goes up nerve" the best advice i can give you is basically what all the others have said...Ignore her! out of anything that will hurt her the most, because the only reason she is saying all these horrible and childish things is to make you angry and make some kind of drama.

 

Another thing is, like detox said...be upbeat if she does contact you...like my grandma always says..."kill them with kindness..nothing annoys them more" Which is soo true. It all comes down to jealous, and some people just work like that..they get satisfaction on bringing other people down, the best thing you can do is not let her. I know how it feels, im sensitive too...so when people say such things...it can really hurt..but that is their point...they want to hurt you to make themselves feel better.

 

So just move on with your life...and actually LIVE IT!! Go out and have fun..you sound like a wonderful person...don't let someone with low self-esteem bring you down to their level...it isn't worth it...and Good Luck

[peanut15]

I think she's mentally screwed up. It seems as though she's trying to make herself feel better by attacking you and I think she also does it to others. I think you need to find a way to change your number or whatever which way she tries to get in contact with you. I think if she continues to do this that you need to bring her back to reality and tell her straight out..."look, stop insulting me as a way to make your pathetic life look better..I'm not your punching bag."

[wgrubby]

As long as you keep replying to her insults, this little game will continue. It gives her some kind of satisfaction to know that you will reply to her insults.

 

If you are really interested in getting back at her and making yourself feel better, then simply do not answer any of her messages under any circumstances.

 

There is nothing colder than silence. Trust me on this.

[clodhopper]

It's true! As long as you keep replying, it'll just continue because then she knows you'll reply whenever she tried to contact you.

 

You just have to ignore her and get on with your life. Prove you're not affected by the things she says.

 

And yes actions really do speak louder than words. Someone said "there is nothing colder than silence" -- so true! My ex has been ignoring me sometimes when I message him and it makes me really upset... it's really cold to just never reply, and it'll piss her off even more.

 

Good luck, and remember -- you're much better than her. She's obviously really insecure if she has to insult you to make herself feel better!!