He "Sexted" - Now I'm Unsure

[allieroo]

I’ve been having a rough go of it in my relationship lately. I'm 23F and my boyfriend is 25M. We have been together for 3 years and we live together. Several months ago, I caught him sexting with a coworker. He had sent a pic (ew I know), and she had sent several nudes from what I could see. I wasn't even snooping on his phone, I trusted him at that point! I just saw the phone light up next to me while sitting on the couch, and there was a pic of a young lady's boobs...I of course brought it up to him immediately since he was just in the other room. He seemed remorseful and promised it wouldn't happen again. He also insisted they were not physical.

 

A couple months after, I heard through girlfriends that they had seen him on Bumble and Tinder. I brought this up as well, and he said that he had created the profiles for work in order to understand the business model of the dating apps. He works for an entertainment company in a division that works with mobile apps and technology, but this still seems like a stretch for me. He was pretty defensive, acting appalled that I didn't believe him initially. He insisted he would have no time to cheat if he wanted to, since we live together and I see him all the time.

 

To add to all this, we have had a fairly dry sex life for the past year or more. I'd say less than once per week, maybe 2 times per month at the most. It’s not that I find him unattractive, and I think he is still attracted to me. So I don’t know why we haven’t been compatible but sex has always felt like an issue that we haven't really conquered. I also don't think it is totally my fault, he rarely initiates and when he does it doesn't rub me the right way - to quote one of my high school psych teachers - I'm a crock pot not a microwave. Haha. But now the desire is worse for me, I don't really want to have sex with him, and I think it may be because I have this doubt and mistrust deep down.

 

I brought all this up to him a few weeks ago and told him I wanted to break up. I left that night but when I came back the next day he was SO upset. He said he couldn’t breathe, didn’t want to break up, didn’t care would do whatever was needed, etc. I had to give in because I couldn’t stand seeing him like that. I felt terrible too, I keep thinking that maybe I could see a life with this person, am I breaking up over minor issues that could be worked through? For a week or so after I was happy that I hadn't broken it off, but now the doubt is coming back….

 

What should I do? How do I decide if breaking up is right for me - and us?

[Hollyj]

Liar, cheater and crap sex life. Sounds like you have a terrific future ahead.

 

What about how you felt when you found out that he cheated? It would have been the end for me, when I found out he had sent her a pic of his Johnson.

 

You need to do better for yourself. Don't be so desperate to settle for this creep!

[lostandhurt]

Trust your gut.

 

I was on hook up sites for work? Seriously? Why didn't he tell you about it before you called him out on it? Next you will find that he replied to call girls on C L but it was just for research for an article.

 

Time to end this for good and find someone you can trust that is sexually compatible with you.

 

I am sorry, I know what it is like to lose trust in someone you love.

 

Lost

[jennylove]

He was on Tinder for work reasons, hahaha!!! Here is a good quote for you, "if it doesn't make sense, it isn't true."

And he was upset and offended that you didn't believe him? He's trying to turn the attention over on you. He does something bad, but he makes you look bad for not believing his BS. He's playing Head games, manipulation and "gas lighting". Bad news!!! Pull up your big girl panties and dump him. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve better.

[Tinydance]

I don't think you'll like my response but I just want to give a slightly different perspective. My ex is not a very sexual person and acted like they didn't really desire me and we didn't have sex that much and I felt rejected and undesirable. I never cheated in any way though. But I do understand what it's like when you don't have sex with your partner much and feel unfullfilled and undesired. Maybe that's why he went to the dating apps and coworker's nude pictures? I still think what he did was wrong, but to me it sounds like you guys really need to figure out if you're sexually attracted to each other and sexually compatible?

 

Why do you still want to be together if for three years the sex has never been that great? Now you don't feel that sexually attracted to your boyfriend, maybe you should examine the real reason for that? I think if the sex is just about gone, are you more like friends than romantic partners?

[allieroo]

No you are right, I don't think we are compatible. I think we could both put in more effort, but it doesn't seem that the blame falls on me only. I think he could do better to get me interested and vice versa. But at this point, the trust is broken, so I don't think there is any fixing it, the more I think about it.

[allieroo]

Lol yeah I know that's exactly what my sis says...

[Escudo]

Sexting another female, plus not wanting sex with you.....yeah.

 

As a guy, I'd say he's playing you. If we're focused on a one lady, we males are gonna want sex with you ALOT and aren't gonna entertain the advances of another female and especially not pursue them.