Did he develop feelings for someone else?

[EJ22]

So I've posted about my break up before but I just wanted to add another bit to the story to see what people think.

My boyfriend of two years and I broke up at the end of last year because he felt like it was too much too soon given that he was going travelling and then to graduate school abroad for a year. He said that he didn't feel committed to me 'like he should have'. Prior to that we had been doing long distance as I'm still at uni and he's already graduated, so we saw each other roughly once every other week. It's been six weeks since we last had contact-before that he texted me once in December and i asked to meet up in January. As i explained in my last post I was his first serious relationship and the first person he'd ever slept with. He's quite a shy person usually and always said that I was the best thing he got out of university and his whole world. When broke up and when we met up he cried a lot and said things like 'I want to come and find you in the future', 'I can't imagine never seeing you again', and 'I can't be sure now about spending the rest of my life with you but I can imagine being more sure in the future' etc. We haven't spoken since late January and he's made no attempt to get in contact but I've heard from various people that he still seems to be struggling and is 'haunted' by the decision to break up with me.

However, I forgot to mention that before we broke up (about a week before) he was messaging his female colleague-I think it only happened on one specific occassion at that point. I read the messages (wrong I know) and they seemed very inappropriate and flirty to me. They were sending long paragraphs to each other containing sentences like 'that's the kind of thing I forget to do-you better keep an eye on me', 'wear a dress-outshine the rest!' and 'I can't imagine anyone ever disliking you'. They also addressed each other by name a lot during the conversion which I thought was strange. After we broke up when we met for drinks I asked him directly whether this girl had anything to do with our break up and he said no, that no one else was involved and it was between the two of us. I asked him if he wanted to sleep with her and he said no. He also said he was not about to get into a relationship and that this girl was 'not fit to spit on my shoe'.

But he also left his facebook logged in on my laptop and I saw that two weeks after we broke up around Christmas time he had been searching for her repeatedly (about 4 times in one evening) on his facebook, on one occassion at 1.30 am.

Basically I'm just wondering whether people think that he developed feelings for someone else and this is why we broke up? Would it be wrong to get back together with him (if he ever came back) knowing this information? I'm really worried-even though I know it's highly unlikely they'll get into a serious relationship-that he's moved on with this other girl, and the reason why he isn't trying to talk to me is because he's seeing her/has developing feelings for her.

 

Could anyone else offer their opinion please?

[SooSad33]

From what I read.. all they've said to each other doesn't show too much re: an actual interest.. more just nice talk.

 

I suggest YOU remain on your healing now & accepting that you two have broken up. Less contact the better to do so.

Your relationship came to end at the end of last year.. correct?

And nothing more can really be done at this time to 'work on fixing it'..right? Then is best to work on giving him some respect & distance now. Best for you both, I feel.

 

Should things pan out for you two in the future, then you'll see about that then. But now, it seems it isn't going to happen. And the worst thing for you to do is keep yourself backed up in this corner about HIM.. and all he is doing, etc.

 

The fact remains, you two are not longer involved. Time to work on accepting this. Sadly.. I know how it feels.. been there too

But,, it will improve, eventually once you stop contact and leave all alone.. to work on accepting what is.