Can someone help?...confused about new relationship.

[TheRock]

Hi

I would appreciate some advice if anyone can help.

I got into a new relationship about 2 1/2 months ago and I have odd feelings. This girl is treating very well, and she likes me very much. In fact, she's treating me in ways that I wished I could be treated with my ex-girlfriend. She is very beautiful too. However, I am just not feeling that special something, that spark. I like being treated so well, but I am not into the relationship fully. And i think she is. So here is my question...

Should I give this relationship more time? Sometimes I feel not excited by the relationship. And I think it is unfair to her sometimes. Although I am treating her very respectfully.

I also hate to admit it, but I still think of my ex who broke up with me a little over a year ago, and I still compare the two. I think this has something to do with it, but I am confused about the feelings I am having. Can anyone offer some advice on the new relationship? Can anyone relate?

[rvr350]

I think you're just started to take her for granted. Usually for guys, when the gal starts treating you nice, you just lose the momentum to "chase" her, and that's the momentum that keep things interesting.

 

So if she's doing things that you don't expect her to do, speak up, let her know politely without hurting her feelings that you feel that it's up to you, not her to make her feel special, and let her know that even without her doing anything for you, you'd still feel the same towards her.

 

Hope it helped.

[MetallicAguy]

I'm thinking our not feeling this "spark" man, is because she treats you SO well like you said. Same thing goes for women. They don't like to be treated like princesses 100% of the time *cough Paris Hilton. lol. So tell her to stop worshipping you and you'll probably get this spark fulfilled.

[TheRock]

Thanks rvr350!

That is part of it. She does do things that take the excitement of the chase away. In fact, I think she made it too easy and that's why my feelings are not too strong right now. And that is my confusion. I am not sure if i will be able to grow into this relationship now that I feel this way. I am trying to be mature and make a relationship work for once. I have not been too good on that front in the past. Usually when I get these feelings I walk away. I will try what you said though.

[MetallicAguy]

what rvr said is basically what I was trying to explain lol.

[TheRock]

MetallicaGuy,

I think it is just her way though. I will try to explain this to her as best I can. It is not to easy to ask someone to stop treating you so good. It is kind of weird to ask someone that. how do you phrase that wothout hurting thier feelings?

[MetallicAguy]

Probably like "I know you love me a lot, I do too, seriously I do. But there is no spark in this relationship because you do it way too much, if you can give it off bit by bit, you could give me back my strong feelings for ya." I guess that or something similar to it will work. You just have to show that you REALLY do care for her, or otherwise I think it'll seem as an insult.

[lilsmc]

If I were you i would give it more time... Why would you want to leave a girl who is treating you good and who is beautiful. You should feel very lucky to have someone like that. And you shouldnt go around comparing her with your ex because shes your ex for a reason... right? You should focus on your current girl and maybe see if things could work out between you two. If you keep comparing every girl to your ex , it's going to be a lot harder trying to get involved in a relationship.

[TheRock]

So true lilsmc.

I am trying hard to get over this girl. Believe me, I am not pining over her. I know it is over and I have done a lot of great things in my life over the pasy year for myself. It is just that I still remember how happy I was with her when things were good. I do try to remember the bad times too, but they are overshadowed in my mind. So I guess I am looking to get that head over heals feeling agian, and am frustrated that I have not been able to find it.

[Mun]

I think it's going to be kinda weird to tell her to back off a little. Maybe you can say something like " we are moving too fast and I would like to take things a little slower" remind her that guys like the chase. I hope she gets a clue though, for the sake of the relationship.

 

Don't give her up just yet. She really likes you, but it sounds like she is working overtime to try to please you. Let her know you're just a regular guy and you like her just fine as she is. Also try seeing her a little less often. Maybe you can help yourself out here too by doing that.

[TheRock]

Thanks Muneca-very well put. Good advice.