Found out somethings, I didn't want to know

[GaveTooMuch]

I've posted here before about how I was with my ex girlfrien dfor 3 years and how i did everything for her and then all of a sudden she decided we shouldn't be together anymore. First it was because she was getting her career and life together but we still hung out and then a month later she all of a sudden wanted to stop that too. I don't know how the find it but it was titled " 3 years of giving everything, forgotten in one month. " if anyone is interested in knowing the whole story.

 

Well today I received of phone bill since she is on my account. She been running up the bill like crazy. I decided to check what was going on and I found one number that keeps showing up over and over again. Last month before she decided to not see me anymore, she was sick that week and we had no contact because she said she was too sick to speak. Well that week I saw a number which she was talking to for over an hour, a number i've never seen before. How odd is that she couldn't speak but she could talk for that person for over an hour then at the end of that week she wanted no contact. Then later I found out she had a date 4 days after that last day but it didn't work out supposedly and just confirmed her feelings that she didn't want to be in any relationship? This month that number keeps showing up like clock work everyday after class, late at night, and early in the morning.. when she gets off school..when she goes to bed.. and when she gets home from going out. The same exact routine that she used to have with me. Against my best judgement I called that number and got a voicemail from Ben. Ben is her classmate from school, the place where she spends the most time out of the day.... how convenient. She was always saying how she would never get with any of those guys and school since they were all dogs. She went on a trip for school the past weekend and he was always the pictures even next to her. I feel so stupid that I never figured this out. From the phone bill it evens shows that she calls him everytime before she calls me, even on the night she took me out for my birthday. I am so terribly hurt. Why did I honestly think that we could still be friends? Why did I not believe people when they told me " don't believe any of her excuses, it's always because of another guy"? I feel so betrayed and used. I would honestly been fine if she told me the truth as I would at least know the real reason and not be lied to.

 

I can't believe that the person I gave so much too and loved with all my heart could do this to me. Not only did she cheat on me by lying to me for the past 3 years that she loved me and that we'd always be together. She also lied about why we broke up, how she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone.... and now it seems that she always had this guy in the works since the beginning of the break up... cheated on for another guy. Even though we weren't together when she got with him, I still feel cheated on because he was always in the works, he was always an option and probably a big part in her decision to break up , and a major factor in how she has forgotten so much, so fast. I am so terribly hurt and disappointed. I don't know what to do. I confronted her via text and she was telling me it's not what it seems, absolutely nothing is going on, and I'm going to regret throwing away our friendship..... What am I to do, I can't keep believeing her lies......

[melrich]

May be some good will come out of your discovery. At least now you are clearer in your mind about why the break up happened. It is never much fun finding out about these sort of things but hopefully it will give you the determination to move on and try and put things behind you.

[djedix]

I'll tell you right now, when you end a relationship, end any phones or shared stuff ASAP you'll end up hurting yourself more. TRUST me.

 

For whatever reason my G/Fs tend to tell me there email passwords, so when i broke up with EX 1 i one day got curious, and saw took a glance. I saw what she was doing in while away in school in england, and got heart broken. I regret ever looking in it. I also regret forwarding her little escapades to her parents.... I was looking for revenge at the time, and trust me it's not the best thing to do. I reget it every single day.

 

Same thing with the recent one. I got into her email, and i saw that for the past year that we were togeather she was sharing a cellphone with an ex boyfriend, who she lied to me and told me she shared with her sister. Even one time she told me how she wanted to cancel the phone so bad with her sister, so i was like just do it. That little lie, Even when she had MY engagment ring around her finger, hurt so much. She couldn't just tell me, she had to lie. And if she lied about that, imagine what else she lied about.

 

It sucks. I could get into my EX's email right now if i wanted to. I almost did, the other night. But i stoped my self, erased the thought from my head, and went back to being me, anf getting on with life. It's hard, but i know if i go in there, i will hurt myself more. Just get rid of the phone ASAP.

[tiger_lilies]

It's difficult, I know. You think you know someone and they turn around and become this big lying monster.

 

You know that facts, she's lying to you and I'm willing to bet that she will continue to lie to you because she's used to getting away with it. Now you have concrete evidence, not just to throw back in her face, but also for yourself as well. Do you really want to continue with her when you can't trust her?

 

Be true to yourself, don't be her doormat. Self-respect and self-discipline is what will get you through this. Initiate No Contact. Give yourself some time to figure things out in your heart and head without her lies interfering.

 

She has given you zero respect by continuing to lie you over and over again. Rid yourself of this heartache...you know you can find someone better than her!

[alona125]

Gavetoomuch:

 

Many people have been in your situation, including me. My boyfriend lied to me about so many things, and finally I caught him, and he threw it back in my face. He said things like your ex did. He even blamed ME for throwing the relationship away. Once trust has been broken, it is SO hard to repair.

It seems like she doesn't have much respect for you. This kind of relationship, will just tear you apart emotionally if you continue with it in ANY way. Like others have said, get rid of the phone bills immediatley, and any other part of your life that involves her. She does not deserve anything else from you.

Trust me, I have been out of a relationship with my lying ex, and it really gets easier. You slowly start to build up your self-esteem when you are doing NO CONTACT.

 

Good luck, because I know it is really difficult, but you can do it.

[DN]

1. Don't believe her

2. Throw away the friendship

3. Understand most girls are not like that and you will find one who will make you wonder what you ever saw in the ex.

4. Send her the phone bill (she won't pay it but she will get the point)

[arwen]

It's almost impossible to add anything new here, all the others are right. Cut off all the strings that are still hanging somewhere between you and an ex that could provide you access to this kind of informations: phone, email, maybe even an old agenda with addresses that is somewhere in your place.

 

I was just curious: while I was writing this, I remember that with my one longterm exrelation, I even asked the friend that we had in common, not to tell me anything about what was going on with him. I am always a person who cannot do anything else but NC. I want to do what ever it takes to avoid a person I had a bad break up with.

 

So, how do you handle the friends that are between you? The truth shows up somewhere, always, in the end. That's the cruel beauty of truth. So you might have found out through a mutual acquaintance or someone who just slips his tongue, right?

 

Just to illustrate, it might give you comfort:

 

This same ex and I were together, of and on 4 years. I was away for half a year, and we were sort of together but not 'officially' before that. He had had feelings for another girl during the last break up, so we kinda took it slow. He said. Was not true. Nutshell, we kept in touch, he told me he had feelings for her again, we decided that we would discuss our relationship when I got back, we met up, he didn't say anything about her, and flirted with me. Since I had already decided I didn't want him as a bf, I broke up with him. This was oct. 2003.

 

In feb 2004, I found out that he had a relationship with that girl. This was when I was swimming a competition, and somehow one of my team members knew him AND her. She didn't know me that well, so she just blurted that they were together. I assumed they got together after we broke up. I never contacted him, never replied his emails etc, and moved on. In the summer of 2004, around the time I joined here, I had another bad relationship. So, after I ended that one I figured it would be good to meet up the long ex, maybe I could discover what the bleep was wrong with me.

 

We met up, he was flirty again, touchy. But told me the truth, he had been together with that girl already when I was still abroad.

 

This was something I would have rather not known. I have been so completely devastated by this. I can tell you many stories about this relationship, and I guess the advices I can give on this forum, are mainly because of him. So at least he was good for one thing

 

I hope you will realize even more that you are better off without her,

 

Ilse.

[GaveTooMuch]

thanks everyone for your replies. Well I did it, I cut off her phone line. The way i did it was i told her she could keep her line if she paid the bill and she did. I would hand the account over to her so she could keep her number. I thought about it and why am I still being the nice guy. She is still repeatedly lying to my face so to speak. Why should I show her any kind of consideration or respect when she is still showing me none at all? So I said screw it and just cut off her line completely so now she has to go make her own account. Her number has been suspended for 90 so she can't even have that. Plus her credit was messed up years ago so she's going to have to make a deposit, that why we had the shared plan in the first place.

 

The thing is now when she got a hold of me last night. She was going off as usual but it didn't affect me one bit since she was no longer any of my concern. The one thing she did accomplish was to make me feel guilty for a brief moment. She told me she needed that phone line because it is the primary contact number for the hosiptal to get a hold of her. Also that the number her clients have to get a hold of her any of her other job offers. This makes me feel bad because I do not want to stand in the way of her career or her health. The thing I figured out is this; why is it so hard to contact these important people and just tell them she has a new phone and give them her new number? I don't think it really is... I think that it's just a big hassle. The same hassles that I have to deal with because I too no longer have my old number and have the hassle of redistributing them also.

 

Am I wrong? Should I just give her back her line and get this whole thing over with, or should I teach her a little lesson about respect and give her a little taste of her own medicine?

[djedix]

nah, your not wrong. Go out and get a new phone. It's a pain in the butt to get the new number out to people, but just give everyone a quick call with the new #, hell you might actully talk to an old friend or something for a little while. Something i did after i broke up with my ex fiancee, i called an old friend who i had not talked to in 2 years. It was worth it.

 

As for her, let her get her own phone. She's incharge of her life now, and she made the decision to leave you out of it. Her problems are her problems not yours, and you should not feel on bit of guilt about what you did. Be strong about it, and don't give in.

[GaveTooMuch]

No my phone business is already squared away, it's just hers. She really depends on that phone and who knows who she has contacting her on that phone. I just feel bad because there might be some impotant contacts that have that number and now cannot get a hold of her. It's it just all another lie to get her number back? Is it even worth it, should I just give her what she wants so we can both just go our separate ways? Am I just making a bigger deal out of all this than it really is?

[Iceman26]

Cut off her phone, she isnt your problem anymore. Why care about her job and her clients? Thats her problem. Let her cry to Ben about it, because she is someone elses headache now........might as well get a small measure of revenge in there too for the laugh and grin.

 

I am sorry this happened to you dude, this situation happened to me once as well, and now I dont date girls that have many guy friends, but I met someone a million times better, and I am sure you will too. Good Luck.

[GaveTooMuch]

here's some advice a good friend gave me about the whole thing. To me it makes a lot of sense as he does really know how I turly am. I tried to make things right.... not for her... but for me... to be true to myself and know I didn't compomise myself and let all this turn me into someone I'm not. It's too late for that, I already tried. Maybe it can be a lesson for the next person:

 

Yo......I think by giving her the line you'll gain more in the end. Don't factor in anger about her dumping you or seeing some other dude........that's already water under the bridge. We've all been dumped for one reason or another and most of the time it's because of a third party......some other mofo tapping our sh!t. But that's life.

 

What you shared with her was tight. Don't smear it. Give her the line.

 

If you punk her......all you doing is looking like a sore loser.

 

Trust me.....you'll gain more in the end. Don't burn no bridges.

 

You sound like (name witheld).......I WANT THE TRUTH.....THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH.....RESPECT..........that's all bullsh!t.

 

No girl will have the courage to tell the boyfriend that they've cared for and loved all these years that they are bored of him and seeing some other dude.

 

Like I said.....sh!t happens......lucky she didn't keep lying to you.....milking you further.....while tapping the other dude. She respected you and she let you go.

 

If you really look at it with clear view......whithout anger, whithout contempt......then you'll see that she's actually protecting you, looking out for you. She doesn't want to hurt you any further.

 

Give her the line and be done with it. Make it right. Yo........Don't look back in anger.........

 

*btw.... he doesn't really talk like a rapper like that... no idea why he types like that though haha... great guy.

[Iceman26]

That advice is pretty good, I can understand his pacifist, Slim Shady approach to it, however I have known guys whose girlfriends told them they were boring when they dumped them.

 

I put myself in your shoes, and I would cut the damn line. Burned bridges be damned! Like I would care if I burned bridges with someone who treated me that badly? I would want to burn the bridge to discourage contact with me again!

 

But, thats me. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.