My ex is happy and in love, do I have to be happy for her? :/

[David9834]

I feel obligated to be happy guys, but I don't feel happy for her, my heart is broken... and I feel like , the least I can do is feel happy for her, I guess I do on some levels. Losing her hurt so bad, seeing her date others killed me, but this... this is beyond any thing I can describe, only those who have experienced it know... To still be so in love with her, knowing she loves someone else, and he her, well its just a rotten feeling, I dont know what to feel, only a selfish person wouldnt be happy for her... I mean i said all i want is for her to be happy, even if it means with someone else, and now that that has become a reality, well lets just say It sounded like i meant it in my head, but not really... should I feel bad for not feeling happy for her

 

Also she broke up with me 11 months ago, she had her reasons but to me it didnt have to end forever, and I fought so hard for her, if the split was a mutual split thats one thing, but Im a guy still in love with my ex, an ex i never gave up on... Im afraid I wont love again even though that sounds ridiculous.. im afraid ill never have it again, what we had..

[Ms Darcy]

How old are you both? How long had you dated?

 

Why are you seeing her date others? Are you two still in contact?

[David9834]

Dated 2 years and 2 months, were in our 20's and I saw it on social media which is a mistake... no contact although last time i tried she ignored me... I know the guy, well i used to know him

[Ms Darcy]

I'd suggest not being her facebook friend and not looking up her social media.

[mrwigand]

No, you don't have to be happy for her. But it's not because you're a bad person and don't want her to be happy, it's because you want to be with her and it hurts. You're not ready to be happy for her yet. That's okay! Be kind to yourself. Most in your situation would feel they'd been punched in the gut seeing the person they wanted with someone else. But don't make it worse. Get as much distance from her as possible. Good luck, sir.

[nuttybuddy]

sorry it hurts so bad. i think i've walked in your shoes. it was bad. i lost so much weight cuz i didn't even feel like eating. but it took over a year for me to get over him. so being that you're at 11 months, you're getting there. stay strong.

 

i don't think you're ready to be happy for her. when i was at your stage, anytime i saw a pic of my ex on FB with another girl, my heart sank. i certainly was not going to be happy for him. i was depressed. but after i finally picked myself up and moved on, i told myself that the door to him was closed. i would never go back. and guess what. he tried to come back to me, and i absolutely was not stirred. i gently let him know that that door was closed. he immediately understood and never tried to reach out to me again. i was glad to finally rid of him. but it also made me realize how he thought i was easy that he only attempted that one attempt to get back. i wasn't worth any more trouble than that. either that, or he really got the sense and tone of my voice to mean what i said and there was no turning back. i believe the latter.

 

anyway, years later he got married before i did (saw pics on FB.) and i was genuinely happy for him. he posts pics of his baby and she is adorable. but we still do not reach out to each other. i'm just happy to see him getting along well in life with the right person for him.

 

see? it takes years. it takes a long time before you can be genuinely happy for your ex.

 

btw, i stayed away from FB for about 3 yrs before i went back to see what's going on in my friends' lives. you should probably stay away from social media too if there's any chance that you'll hear news about your ex. while you are trying to heal, it doesn't help to learn what's going on in her life.

[David9834]

Thank you for the advice.. I will avoid social media... she goes to school in Arizona, and I'm in LA, last year we both went there(Northern Arizona University), but i didn't return due to finances, however Im going back next semester. So in six months I will be back in the same school as her, its big enough where i wont run into her to much, maybe once a month hopefully less, Its going to be hard seeing her with someone else but oh well, to be honest.. if she came back to me, I wouldnt say no right away I would be open to the idea and listen... but that isn't going to happen, I know I will find love again one day... thank you!

[Sportster2005]

You are, or you're not. It's not something you have to try, or try not to. If you don't, don't fell guilty. You are under no obligation.

[Bingo84]

Thank you for the advice.. I will avoid social media... she goes to school in Arizona, and I'm in LA, last year we both went there(Northern Arizona University), but i didn't return due to finances, however Im going back next semester. So in six months I will be back in the same school as her, its big enough where i wont run into her to much, maybe once a month hopefully less, Its going to be hard seeing her with someone else but oh well, to be honest.. if she came back to me, I wouldnt say no right away I would be open to the idea and listen... but that isn't going to happen, I know I will find love again one day... thank you!

My advice would be to try and spend time with some girls. In social groups or dating. Until you see that there's more nice girls out there you're going to keep pining over your ex. Don't be happy for her. Pretend she didn't exist because, after you find someone else, it probably won't matter much that she ever did.

 

BTW... Flagstaff is a great place to meet girls. One of my favorite places on Earth and I wish I could live there.