Recently broke up with my ex, right person but the wrong time

[Simonm18]

So on saturday me and my ex broke up. We met at work and it was going perfectly even with the obstacles in the way. Basically her life is very stressful, her mum is horrible to her and doesn't give her any love or support, her nan got really sick and is in hospital (on christmas day when things started going wrong), she's been constantly let down and betrayed by friends and past relationships (she is bi-sexual so some girls she has dated have screwed her over too). Thus her life is really stressful and she has a lot on her plate. She is trying to move out but the person she was moving out with backed out at the last moment when they had found a place and once again let her down.

 

She is 21 and I'm 25, however we have both had a fair few relationships and sexual partners so experience in that respect isn't an issue. She had told two of our mutual friends that she did want a proper, long term serious relationship with me but what broke us up was that she felt unhappy in herself, low self-esteem and not her normal self. On top of all the stresses in her life she just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. She told me she has strong feelings for me and i'm the only person to never let her down or betray her and actually treated her properly with a lot of care and support and that i'd been amazing throughout this troubling time with the stress in her life.

 

She said to me i am the right person for her but she can't be in a relationship right now, she has to go and be alone and sort herself out and be happy again. She said she doesn't want me to not be apart of her life and the feelings she has for me are ones that do not disappear. After we cried and got really emotional during our break up chat, we made out and she let me play/kiss her boobs for like 10 minutes which i didn't expect that to happen. We also promised we would meet up for casual drinks in mid march and she said she would be open to go on a date again depending on how her life was and how she felt personally and was open to potentially trying again if the date happened and went well.

 

Basically we were perfect for each other, loads of banter, massive spark and fire, always made each other laugh and smile, she said she has opened up to me more than anyone else in her life (even her best friend), tons of hobbies and interests the same and wanted to go on loads of adventures together. Sadly we didn't get too much private time together because we both still lived at home and her mum had already kicked her out for a week plus just before christmas for staying out late.

 

One issue she does have is emotional problems as in it takes her awhile to truly trust someone and develop these feelings and when she gets drunk she loses all her inhibitions and uses the alcohol to make her problems disappear so she doesn't have to face them.

 

How do i proceed as i know my feelings for her are real and i know we are destined for more than this as we both said that there is nothing wrong with our relationship at all. I want to get back with her but what do i do? We work on the same floor so i will see/bump into her 5 days a week, however she is going on holiday with her mum and younger brother for two weeks on the 11th of february. Please help

[BlarneyStone]

Stop talking to her and give her space. Even at work. Just say hi if you have to but try avoiding her. Give her the opportunity to miss you and she might come back. Sounds like she has a lot of internal issues (not necessarily her fault). Her coming back to you without any significant changes might not help for a relationship 2.0. Hopefully she can find happiness on her own time. That's the only way I'm seeing a successful reconciliation here.

[Simonm18]

i guess thats what sucks about this situation as neither of us did anything wrong, there is no blame it be placed anywhere. I guess all i have is time at the moment and actually can't do anything to help the situation

[hrdcore1337]

Bro please heed my words,

 

The best thing you can do is walk away and never look back. State what you want and if she does not want the same thing, tell her to call you if she changes her mind and zoom in the other direction.

 

No contact, no chasing, no worrying, just do what you want to do, for yourself.

 

She'll come around, promise.

[TMifune]

One issue she does have is emotional problems as in it takes her awhile to truly trust someone and develop these feelings and when she gets drunk she loses all her inhibitions and uses the alcohol to make her problems disappear so she doesn't have to face them.

 

So she self-medicates with alcohol and then uses being drunk to shed responsibility for the things she does while drunk? I know you love her, but that's definitely playing with fire.

[loveburns12]

Going through something similar, he broke up with me due to internal issues like growing up with an alcoholic mother. He's put his issues off long enough and they are getting in the way now of his life. We have a happy relationship that has brought nothing but positivity and growth to our lives. We broke up, but like your ex he stated that I'm the one, and he wanted to seek therapy and then be the person I deserve to be with. Unfortunately, we just gotta move forward at this point. I've gone NC because I'm a wreck about it all even though I understand and am proud of him for seeking the help he needs. But at this point thats all I can to for myself to move forward and then yes maybe one day we'll be together again. Wish you luck in your situation.

[Hds2014]

Bro please heed my words,

 

The best thing you can do is walk away and never look back. State what you want and if she does not want the same thing, tell her to call you if she changes her mind and zoom in the other direction.

 

No contact, no chasing, no worrying, just do what you want to do, for yourself.

 

She'll come around, promise.

 

Hey man I know this is an old post but do you speak from experience with this? Because I'm in the same boat as the OP and I've finally decided to go NC and give her the space she needs but it's so hard realizing she may never contact me again.