He Asked Me To Be His, Then Said I Didn't Have Sex Appeal

[romantic sweetheart]

Hello everyone. Well, here it is: I met someone a month and 1/2 ago. Three dates...no call. A blunt email (if you recall, his words you are looking for a really good orgasm, I won't be able to give you what you want...") grief....then he called and asked me to a show. This led to a solid month of seeing one another everyday.

 

Which led to last week his asking me, "Will you be my Valentine?" and "Is it okay to call you my girlfriend?" He even discussed future plans with me, etc.

 

A couple of nights ago we went dancing...he refused to dance with me. i was hurt...I said I was hurt by this. I also mentioned I was hurt by his criticism....(he is very critical of me...)

 

when I told him I was hurt, he said, "It was fun being depressed with you, but i have to get up early tomorrow." He took all his things and said there was no point is seeing me anymore.

 

I talked to him last night. I found his as usual, in front of his computer...(he stays in all day...sleeps until 2 or 3...no job......no friends.....I thought I was helping him get out, to discover life..to feel loved...and cared for.....) He looked at me and shrugged, no expression on his face. "Sorry, but I don't feel attracted enough to you. I want to feel a powerful sexual draw to someone, and I don't feel that with you."

 

He told me he was used to purely sexual relationships. He said I was the most interesting girl he had been with because I was intelligent and I had a terrific personality. But he said I didn't have enough sexual energy and some component was missing for him. He had no expression at all and told me, "Sorry, I'm just matter-of-fact. Deal with it."

 

This, after he can barely keep his hands off me? After telling me I was pretty and sweet and "like sugar"?

 

He said that he had been alone for so long, and that he had been "asexual" during that time.

 

As he was talking, I felt my soul crumpling, shattering to bits. I don't know what I am supposed to think. I feel like I always sabatoge everything. I just wanted to let him know I was hurt by his actions. I thought a guy who said he cared about me would care that I was hurt, not tell me, "Nice knowing you."

 

How can someone have absolutely no sadness just discarding a person they have known for this time? I feel so much pain......pain because I never seem to find a kind heart, a love that will nevre crush the life out of me. What am I doing wrong? Really, do I have s a problem or what?

 

Men have told me I am desirable, beautiful, sweet........so why...why does this guy tell me I don't have enough sexual energy? What does that mean? I have always considered myself a very sensual person...I am passinate and caring......Why does he see me as asexual? I have a curvy, slender figure...my hair is auburn......is this undesirable?????

 

I know I'm stupid to care....everyone here I am sure is ssaying "Duh!!" But orgive me....I just get so hurt...I care..so I hurt...Can anyone just help me....please....with softness.....even if you think I am dumb.......

[MetallicAguy]

He seems like a pig, meaning like he only wanted sex out of the relationship.....what a loser He could also have depression and he thinks so bad about himself because he has depression and no friends which is really bad for someone like himself. No job, no friends, and sleeps till 2/3 = depression. You should help him out though he might just spit in your face though.

[DN]

This guy is toxic for you - so do what any sensible person does around toxic material - get away from it as fast as you can and stay away.

[Snarfnaj]

Hello Romantic Sweetheart,

 

Truly caring is never stupid, it is rare.......When I read your post I feel a lot of hurt and loneliness. You're wanting so much to find this special person to treat you with love and respect. You seem to know what you want and are aware of the way you want to be treated, yet it seems like you're settling for less. In abscense of that "kind heart" you try to find these qualities in someone that is obviously not able to come even close to what you have in mind. I don't think I need to comment on the things this person has said to you. I think you already know. I guess we need to kiss a few frogs along the way to finding that prince/princess. Just try and stay away from the really nasty frogs! I truly believe that there are plenty of kind hearts out there, but they tend to be well hidden.......I'm very sorry for your pain, and hope you will find some piece of mind soon, along with someone that IS able to treat you with respect......

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

THis guy is a fruit cake. Now its good that you posted this message in the "break up" section because its time to dump him and find someone who love you with all his heart and who really cares for you.

[hecka_bekah]

It seems like he's trying to manipulate you into having a purely sexual relationship with him! He's trying to make you do it out of guilt. At least he has the decency to tell you what he's really looking for....others try to hide it.

 

Don't blame yourself for his own insecurities. No one can help him out. He has to do it for himself. You need to find someone who's willing to deal with their own problems without getting you involved with them. Since it is still early on into the relationship this is a good time to stop seeing him without feeling too painful about it. Think of it as time to surround yourself with loving people who respect you and your feelings. But first it is best try realize what kind of guy he is and how to avoid that type. Spending quality time with yourself is a sure way of learning from past mistakes since you see more clearly the cause of your own actions. And when you try to stop these mistakes from happening again they build character and confidence and a strong self identity.

 

You have wonderful heart. Don't let anyone take that away. You deserve the best in life and don't let anyone tell you other wise. Good luck

 

Rebekah

[mt_joy]

What a loser. He is telling you right out all he cares about is sex. Don't try to change him and don't let him get to you. You seem like such a sweet person. Not all men are like that. You can do much better!

[Mun]

Hi sweetheart,

Well sadly I can identify with you--I know someone who thinks like he does and what an eye opener that was .

 

Honey he is not treating you well and you shouldn't give him any more of your time. I'm sure you know this, so this is a reminder, RUN FAST!!!! He is trying to have his cake and eat it too and wants you to pay for it. Don't let him. You deserve respect. The right man for you will want to make you happy, he won't tell you the cutting words that this man has. He will tell you silly things to make you laugh and he will always look for ways to make you smile... and he is out there somewhere. This guy is not him.

 

Always take care of yourself and don't lose sight of the things you are looking for in a man. Never, ever compromise your standards for anyone--you would only betray yourself if you do...and you will hurt more.

 

Pick yourself up and remind yourself that this man cannot break your spirit. You have a good heart and the right man for you will appreciate you and cherish you.

 

Love

[Marko]

this guy is trying to control you thru manipulation. I can't tell you what he wants once he has you under control, but I would stay away. he's bad news.

[ladyc]

Sweetheart - I was involved with an emotionally abusive man for over a year. The story was not quite the same as yours but enough that I recognize the dynamics. Even though I knew in my head it was him and not me, he manipulated me enough that I found myself constantly trying to be better, sexier, more feminine etc etc. When something was wrong it was always "my fault." The only thing I wonder now, a couple of years later, is why the hell I wasted a whole year on this nutcase. Don't do it. It will never be what you want and you will doubt yourself more and more. Do some reading on emotional abuse - you'll be amazed how familiar it sounds!

[arwen]

Sweetie,

 

I have been there with a man, he really treated me like dirt. We were involved for only 2 months, after which I decided to dump him. My self-esteem had shrunk to the size of a pea by that time.

 

Straighten your back, tell him that he is a negative element in your life and you don't need that. He clearly has issues, and you don't want those issues to become your issues.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[Dazednconfused79]

Having been an emotionally abusing **** to one of my ex's a few years ago (I still don't quite know why I was like it, but I now know I was in the wrong). Some people put it down to low self esteem on the abusers side. I can tell you get him out of your life. My girl at the time finally built up the courage and left me. She even took revenge (Don't do that!) I went to pieces and suffered for a long time, but I got what I deserved.

 

It served as a wake up call and I've never treated anyone like that ever again and nor will I in the future.

 

He needs a wake up call otherwise he's going to have a very lonely life, and you need a new decent guy. I know it's tough, but walk, you're friends and family will support you.