i need an input...please

[dimp62003]

k so my b/f and me have been going out for almost 2 years and i feel like we aren't as close as we used to be, cuz he's changed a lot and not in a good way. But anymore I just feel like I'm getting pushed off all the time, like that his friends and other things need to come before me. But he says that that isn't so because he puts me first. He just confuses me anymore cuz I really don't know what he really wants. Since about Nov. he has said stuff about breakin up and he's done it and in like 3 weeks we "broke up" prolly 3 times...but then we always just say that we don't want it but I'm getting sick of playin games. I'm just gettin sick of getting crapped on all the time. and he does this thing that it's ok for him to do something but it's not for me...like it's ok for him to talk to other girls, that yeah may be friends with him or whatever, but when i talk to other guys that I'm friends with it's not right at all and i shouldnt do that.

so yesterday my mom and me went into town and i seen my best guy friend drive by so i called him and he came and talked to me and after he left my mom was like "you act so happy when you are around him i just dont understand why you still keep going out with your b/f when all he does is make you grumpy and you get around your friend and all he does it make you smile." then she said to me " are you scared to break up with him, like do you think that he will go and do something to himself if you do? is that whats holding you back" and i've been thinking about it and i kinda think that thats part of it but i love him and maybe its just harder cuz he is my first love but i just dont know what to do please help

[Roasted Carrots]

It sounds to me like your flame with your boyfriend blew out a long time ago...that you both have grown and changed in different directions, and the new "you" doesn't include your boyfriend.

 

Don't stay with someone simply because they are familiar. It doesn't do either one of you any good when you could be meeting new guys and he could be meeting new girls. You will grow apart yes...but hasn't that happened already? The two of you seem to be fighting more than is normal, and when the fights outweigh the fun it's time to re-evaluate.

 

Even your mom has realized how unhappy your relationship is making you. It looks to me like it's time to move on and be single for awhile. Take a breath of fresh air.

 

Also - does your boyfriend get "upset" when you hang out with your male friends? That's a warning sign of an abusive boyfriend. You also mentioned fears that your boyfriend might "do something to himself if you break up". Realize that you may have to encourage him to get counseling or alert his parents if he's planning anything, but it's not your fault if he harms himself. If he does, it just means that he has bigger problems that he nor you can solve.

 

If/when you do break up with him, make sure YOU have a strong support system. Hang with your mom, your friends, engross yourself in a sport or homework. Anything but lay around thinking of him.

 

Hope this helps. Good luck!

[arwen]

Hey dimp,

 

Breaking up is really hard, because part of you is holding on the past and what was between you. In what you are describing, I think the other part of you knows he is really not making you happy now. Your heart longs for him as he was in the past, but your mind knows how he is now, and how this is hurting you.

 

First of all, don't expect things to change back to how good they were. That would require work and a big effort on his part, and as I read in your posting, I don't get the impression that he is really making too much of an effort for you lately.

 

Second of all, you have already broken up 3 times. And still things are not better. Your mother probably knows you better than anyone else in this world. She sees you are unhappy. Even if you weren't to be with the guy you met in the mall, I think you would be happier on your own than by exhausting yourself in this relationship.

 

Put yourself and your happiness first in life.

 

take care,

 

Ilse.