92151794 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Okay so my brother was/is a horrible human being he has done so much damage to our family basically he is a person who uses people for his own satisfaction and survival my mother loved him so much being her first born and baby and all he did was use her then when he didn't need her anymore he abused her verbally and tried turning her friends against her. He even called CAS on her to take me away out of pure jealousy he said he wanted me to grow up alone and in several homes because in his words I didn't deserve love because he said I was better looking and younger than him and he didn't like that he's obsessed about his looks and never wants to age. I believe he is a sociopath When I was very young he was supposed to look supervise me and my friends at the mall and when my friends were gone home this pervert tried to lure me away and he let him take me alone to stores I wasn't sure what to do I was a kid and he said it was ok so i went along this man ended up buying me things at stores but while he had me alone because my brother didn't know how to properly protect/watch his baby sister this man assaulted and molested me. I never told anyone but him and he didn't even tell the police or anything. He caused so much pain in our lives and made my mom have high blood pressure finally he got kicked out and recently i came across his gf's fb where she announced her pregnancy i recently have learned also from her fb she has lost the baby I feel extremely sad about the baby my niece being misscarried do you think i should send my condolences to them regardless of the fact that he's been so horrible i still feel they need support. But im not sure if its my place there is still so much pain and hard feelings caused by him and im not fully over it him trusting a stranger with me who molested me has affected my future in that I don't trust men on some level I don't even like to be touched for the most part I've had a horrible experience when I had my first time and with the molestation and thus I promised myself only when im sure I am truly in love and the person loves me I will give myself to them and go all the way and I was but he wasn't invested maybe he did love me in his own way. my ex told me "I felt love before and i feel like that for you but its a much stronger feeling" I had no reason to doubt that turns out he wasn't over the ex and ended up breaking my heart and really my hope I have all this pain because of my bother not protecting me. I don't know what to do I feel sad for them but talking to him may hurt me further what do you think. Link to comment
DoF Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Okay so my brother was/is a horrible human being he has done so much damage to our family basically he is a person who uses people for his own satisfaction I don't need to read any further than that. STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE. Brother or not. I go by the following rule "If a person is NOT a positive influence in my life, doesn't make me happy, doesn't work hard to be the best person they can be or works hard on ME and push me to be the best person I can be, they are simply not worth being around". As for the rest of it. Honestly, don't put too much blame on your brother not watching you or him as the cause for the abuse. At the end of the day it was the guy that abused you. As for abuse itself. I'm SO sorry to hear about this. That is horrible. HOWEVER, you need to be strong. EXTREMELY strong. DO NOT allow your history/past effect you as a person TODAY or IN THE FUTURE. Clearly you seem to be doing that. And by doing so, you let that bastard win. What you need to do is simply get that chapter of your life completely out of you mind. Don't think about it, don't talk about it.....like it never happened. I know, it won't be easy, but try to just divert your mind to something peaceful/you enjoy when those thoughts come up. If you practice it enough and in time, those thoughts will disappear all together. Basically, it's as big of a deal or as small of a deal as YOU make it. Currently you are making it a BIG deal, don't do that!!! What happens in life is irrelevant (to an extent of course). What you do with it is what really matters. I know the events were horrible, but you need to move past it now, be strong, positive and optimistic. Matter a fact, that is exactly the approach and solution to just about ANYTHING that life throws at you. Always be STRONG, Always be POSITIVE and ALWAYS be OPTIMISTIC. Wish you best of luck Link to comment
jobelle Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 You brother doesn't sound like a good person and you should probably stay away from him for your own good. Do you have any contact with your sister-in-law? What's your relationship like with her? You could contact her alone and offer your condolences, if it would feel better for you. As for the episode at the shopping mall. I don't know what age your brother was at that point but is it possible that he did not realize the dangers of letting you go shopping with a stranger? I know I was very naive kid myself, it wasn't until I was 13 or 14 that I understood certain risks even though I am a girl myself and therefore probably have better awareness about male stranger danger than the average boy. I don't want to defend your brother, he should have taken better care of you, just trying to understand the situation/put it in perspective as it sounds you still have a lot of resentment about it. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Your brother sounds like a POS human being. I wouldn't reach out. Even if a baby is ultimately born, you should stay away. Link to comment
92151794 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 Thank you I appreciate the advice yes you are right as unfortunate as it was I really should work on not letting it affect my future. Link to comment
92151794 Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 No I don't really have contact with her at all right now when we did talk 6ish years ago it was only through Facebook I haven't met her in person yet. I am not certain but I believe he has told her many untrue things about us to poison her against us he is kind of keeping her away from our side of the family. She seems like a genuinely sweet girl she was nice when we talked over fb years ago and id love to reach out to her but i am unsure if he is controlling her/if she is poisoned against our family but I think i will try to reach out to her. I believe he was around 17 at the time because It was in 2005 and I would be around 10 that time and he is seven years older. I see where you are coming from. Now that i think about it My brother although 17 was a bit mentally slow and my mom thinks now he might have asbergers because another family member similar to him has it which would explain the lack of judgement in this situation which i do understand to an extent. Maybe he lacked the proper thought process. Link to comment
JustWishing Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Save yourself a lot of heartache and Do Not Reach Out to him!! Link to comment
DoF Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Thank you I appreciate the advice yes you are right as unfortunate as it was I really should work on not letting it affect my future. Best thing you can do. Link to comment
DoF Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 As for the episode at the shopping mall. I don't know what age your brother was at that point but is it possible that he did not realize the dangers of letting you go shopping with a stranger? I know I was very naive kid myself, it wasn't until I was 13 or 14 that I understood certain risks even though I am a girl myself and therefore probably have better awareness about male stranger danger than the average boy. I don't want to defend your brother, he should have taken better care of you, just trying to understand the situation/put it in perspective as it sounds you still have a lot of resentment about it. I have to agree, at such a young age you simply have 0 capabilities of seeing dangers around you. I would not blame the abuse on brother, the abuser. But again, just forget about it. Make it a none issue OP. Link to comment
DoF Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 No I don't really have contact with her at all right now when we did talk 6ish years ago it was only through Facebook I haven't met her in person yet. I am not certain but I believe he has told her many untrue things about us to poison her against us he is kind of keeping her away from our side of the family. She seems like a genuinely sweet girl she was nice when we talked over fb years ago and id love to reach out to her but i am unsure if he is controlling her/if she is poisoned against our family but I think i will try to reach out to her. I believe he was around 17 at the time because It was in 2005 and I would be around 10 that time and he is seven years older. I see where you are coming from. Now that i think about it My brother although 17 was a bit mentally slow and my mom thinks now he might have asbergers because another family member similar to him has it which would explain the lack of judgement in this situation which i do understand to an extent. Maybe he lacked the proper thought process. Even without mental issues, at that age, he was probably too busy doing "his own thing" but in general he shouldn't never let you out of your site........ Anyways, stay away from Facebook and him. He sounds like a disaster and chances are high his girl is too (we attract who we are, and even when we don't, we become what we are around!!!). Surround yourself with positive people that make you happy and push themselves and YOU to be the best person you can be!!! As I said before. The best "general relationship" advice I can give you. And remember, YOU have to do that too in return....in order to be that person as well. Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 I would suggest you discuss it with your parents. Contacting him may upset them and, indeed, if you haven't told them about the baby, this might hurt them, too. Link to comment
sunnz Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 At 17 he KNEW the dangers, he is not dumb if he knows how to hurt you on purpose he knows exactly what he is doing, it was his role to protect you and he failed, do not underestimate someone like that, my son is 17 and is very protective of his siblings, Stay away from your brother and his gf !! Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 At 17 he KNEW the dangers, he is not dumb if he knows how to hurt you on purpose he knows exactly what he is doing, it was his role to protect you and he failed, do not underestimate someone like that, my son is 17 and is very protective of his siblings, Stay away from your brother and his gf !! I totally agree. My Son & Daughter are 7 years apart & he has always been protective of her. You need to keep away from them, even block them on Facebook Link to comment
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