Ex called me, hurt me even more!

[cobro]

My ex called me yesterday. The reason she called is that she has no idea what is going on in my life, who I am hanging out with, and why I'm acting different when I have talked to her. She can't stand not having control. I told her 2 weeks ago not to call me for a while, I needed time to heal. She did not take me seriously, and stupidly I would answer the phone but I would avoid telling her about anything in my life, which made our conversations short and awkward. I know she is seeing her ex, sleeping with him also. So that hurts in itself. But she couldn't handle not knowing what is going on in my personal life, so when she started asking why I'm acting different, "I don't know you anymore", we got into an argurment. I told her the only reason she dated me was for a challenge because I was older than her, a nice guy, and a virgin, and after she got what she wanted and I counldn't give her anymore right now, she got tired of me and moved on. She told me she was happier without me, her ex has changed for the better (he cheated on her last time around), she was happy, she knows what she is doing in her life, she doesn't see us together in the future (2 weeks ago she said otherwise), shes happy with who she is with, they will be together for a while, and she was not going to call me for a while. I said nothing to provoke her to say these things, besides implying that she was a bad person for seeing me as a challenge. So needless to say, I felt like a wound had been opened again by her telling me those things. Stupid *beep*, she has no idea that he will cheat on her again. But it helps to know that she will NOT call me (hopefully) and I told her I hope everything goes well for her. I feel like I've had some kind of closure and I can move on with my life knowing these things, as hurtful as they are right now. This all could have been avoided if I would have NOT tried to stay friends with her after she broke it off to start seeing her ex. She was my first everything and now I know what to do in my next relationship, CUT IT OFF right away. NO CONTACT = NO PAIN. I've had so much pain the last month its insane. It's over now, as long as she leaves me alone. My only question is, am I correct in feeling this way, a sort of relief knowing that she understands how much she hurt me and will leave me alone? Oh, and by the way, DON'T STAY FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

cobro

[Babes]

I am friends with my EX.. He broke up with me. I have to say it is one of the hardest things to be his friend. I cry all the time. Especially today. It would have been our one year of dating today. I miss him all the time. cant get him out of my mind......*crying*

 

Trust me you are doing the right thing by getting rid of her!

[bzborow1]

Yeah...getting away is the best. Because then it isnt a competition (who's moving on the fastest). Perhaps after a few months or something you may be able to talk to her again...but you'll be better off away for now.

[Katelyn55655]

I don't think your pain will keep her from calling you because when she calls it's all about her and her motives and not about you at all, really. If she is a control-freak the calls won't stop. That's her way of staying connected and jerking you around to boot. It sounds like your relationship lacks trust and is no longer repairable. In the past when I had to get away from someone and I wouldn't know when the phone was going to ring (at work where there's no caller ID) I'd tape a reminder to the phone saying something like "Stop calling me. I'm moving on and our relationship is over (hang up phone)." Then every time the phone would ring I'd read the statement and be mentally prepared to be stong to say it and follow through with hanging up. I think staying friends with an ex is usually not a good idea. Sometimes it works but more often not...depends on the circumstances I guess. Be strong and move on. Don't let her hurt you by calling whenever she gets the whim. Do you have caller ID? If not get it and don't pick up the phone if it's her. If you don't want to then you can hang up on her...she'll get the message. You won't be able to move on until there is no more contact so why not start now? Your pain will ease in time....just be patient and keep busy with your support system and other friends and family. If you were a woman I'd suggest reading Rhonda Findlings "Don't Call That Man!" but you're a guy. Even so, the principles of leaving and recovering from unhealthy relationships are basically the same for both men and women (so read it at home where no one can see you reading a book directed at women). Good luck!!

Karen

[Clare37373]

Different circumstances, same prob - the guy in question in my case aint just an ex, he was my husband of 10 years and we have an eight year old child. He dropped a bombshell on me three months ago and told me he'd been having an affair, he walked out on his family to be with this woman........

 

Then the phone calls started four weeks after he left. Last one I received was two weeks ago and 2 and a half months after he left!!! Told me he still loved me and always would, tells me he is unhappy because he still loves me, he cries and sobs on the phone to me....blah, blah, blah........yet still he is with her so he is obviously where he wants to be regardless of these calls.

 

I was moving on pretty well until these calls started arriving, in truth they have brought me a lot more hurt and are preventing my moving on.

 

Trouble is I can't just cut off total contact because we have a daughter who he phones wanting to see once a week.

 

Best thing you can do in your situation is to stop taking her calls, you have NO TIES to her...show the girl that she is completely losing you and you are moving on with your life.

[nickb2003]

I think I agree with the advice. You need time away from this energy sapping relatinship...In the long term, maybe you can be friends....but not now...

[cobro]

This is day 3 and no phone calls from her. At first I was having a hard time coping with life in general after those hurtful things she said to me. But I've been talking to friends and one of them is her friend also, she told me that she told my ex not to call me for a long time. I really do thank her for that, maybe my ex will feel too guilty to call in the future. It's over, a new life has started and I'm so much better off without her and the drama she caused. And if she was truly happy with her life and new man, she would not be "rubbbing it in" to me for no reason. If she was happy she wouldn't tell me anything. Now a word of caution, everyone, including my family, says she will be back, I hope I'm not confronted with this anytime soon, I'm still vunerable.