She just broke up with me again. (an update)

[pagemaster]

Wel she broke up with me in Dec and now she has done it again. she can back the last time but this time I am not so sure.

 

Hi everyone I am hoping to get a little advice her or be told that I am doing the right thing. This post might be a little long so sorry also, I am going to be very personal. Sorry.

 

Well, she broke up with me last night. This is not the first time, the first time was on Dec30th and now about 6 weeks later she has done it again. Now first off, I just want to say that I don't hate or resent her. Of course I am upset and it hurt BUT I don't hate he because I have broken up with people before and know how it feels when you MIGHT not want to see someone anymore or just simply want something else. So for that, I don't hate her. Also, she was really good to me in the 2 1/2 years that we went out and she really made me into a better person JUST because I knew her. We were friends for 2 years before. She never really tried to hurt me and for that I have the respect for her. She also told me that she is scared of breaking up because she is afraid of losing me and is a little confused. Also, she mentioned that doesn't if she loves me for "who" I am.

 

Ok, what happened was I called her up last night and noticed she was very upset. She said that she didn't want to talk about it but I pressed and eventually it came out. She told me that she hasn't been happy for a while. She told me that when we had some arguments in the passed she wished I broke up with her so she would not feel guilty. This March I was supposed to go on a trip to the Dominican Republic with her and her sister and brother in law. Last year I let her down by not going but this year I was interested and wanted to go and finalized the plans with her borther in law. She told me last night that it was fair for me to go on this trip and feel this way about "us" and then break up with me. She also told me that she is afraid to get married with me because she thinks we will fight a lot and she says deep down in her heart that she knows that we might not be meant to be together. She also said that she kind of faked being happy sometimes . Okay, so she told me that she still wanted me to be a part of her life and I honestly said that "no" I can't. Not because I don't want to know her but because it would take me a good long time to move on and I don't want to be set back. I then told her that maybe in year or so but not right now. She then told me that she wanted to me take this sentimental blanket that I gave her back and I told her either, put it away somewhere I get it later or mail it to me because I don't want to see her. Finally, I said I have to go and she said ok but she said "you" have to hang up so I did.

 

Now, we broke up in Dec and got back together a few days later because she just "wanted" to be with me. At that time, she missed her period which she did and was all freaked out. She got a pregnacy test and told me everything was ok and such. We had a long chat about some of the things that she didn't like that I was doing (like never being there when she really needed me) which I changed. I was there but sometimes I gave a hastle about it. After we got back together I did change some of the things that she didn't like so it wouldn't make her unhappy. For me, I really think things were okay the last month but obviously for her they werent.

 

Before last night (Tuesday) she called me a told me that she was unhappy. I asked about what and she told me life in general. she told me that she felt helpless and hated school, wasn't sure if it was the right program, wasn't sure if she wanted to work instead. I simply listened and then told her that whatever decision about life she wants to make I would support her with it. I know she is very busy with work AND school as went to work yesterday from 9-4 and then to university from 5-930. She did gain a little weight and told me that she is unhappy about her body. Then she broke up with me when she got home. Also, she is late again this month. This time I really think there could be something because we had sex about half way through her cylce. But anyhow, she is about 10 days late like last time.

 

Finally, I am 5 years older than year, I am 26 just finished university looking for a job ect. She is in her first year.

 

Now. I am not looking for anyone to tell me to hate her or be told how to feel. I REALLY love this girl from the bottom of my heart because of who she is. I found this out in the summer when I was going to leave her and then realized that I love her for who she is. Ther is NOTHING that makes me more happy than for he to be happy and whatever I can do to make her happy I would love to.

 

Please, nobody tell to hate her because I don't. I am her first boyfriend and I have felt what she has felt before with my first girlfriend. Also, I have always held the position that she needs to know what other guys are like so she can compare me. I know what other girls a like and I am very happy with her because the good outweighs the bad.. However, I am not saying she is perfect or doesn't have flaws beacuse she does. Just being with her in the same room makes me happy.

 

Now, I told that I wasn't so sure that I would take her back. I plan of having ABSOLUTELY no contact with her unless she contacts me which I will not necassarly talk to her right away. I also, realize that this might be it for the both of us however I have no doubt that after a while she WILL realize the mistake she has made and will see me for who I am.....

 

I also understand that she needs to go through this stage in her life of how she feels about guys or life in gereral and for me to not let her feel this way would be unfair to her and me.

 

 

The NC is the right choice. I do want to try to move on but I also know that I love her very much.

 

what does everyone think. Please no hate posts about her and no specualation of what other reasons in could be. She has NEVER given me a reason ever to doubt her honesty and for that I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

One thing I want to add is that I fully understand that life will go on with her or without her and I am prepared to do that. It will be tough but I know I can move on.

 

Thank you.

[Luscious]

Yes, I also think she is confused and she needs the time apart to figure things out but when we make decisions in life there are consequences for all actions and she may wanna come back at the end of the day but you have to figure out if that what you want in your life.

Breaking up on a continual basis plays a bigger toll on our lives and it may hurt us even more. When she may want to come back you may not want the relationship anymore.

But NC is good, its a good way to move on with your life, and TIME will heal all wounds.

Take care

[pagemaster]

Thanks.

 

That is what I have been thinking to myself. I just don't want to burn any brifge or have any resentment towards here which I don't because that will make things EVEN worse.

[melrich]

I don't think anyone would tell you to hate her. From what you have posted she has done nothing wrong at all by you.

 

I think you have probably answered your own question in your post.many people get back together with their exes because of guilt at hurting someone they loved or because they are scared of losing them as a friend.

 

I think the latter is what has happened with your ex. You should let her go now and just go about getting yourself though the pain of the braek up. If she changes her mind she will let you know but I would not spend any time hoping for it. She will be more prepare the second time around fpr the confusion she felt about her feelings than the first time and probably more resolved about staying broken up.

[pagemaster]

I think the latter is what has happened with your ex. You should let her go now and just go about getting yourself though the pain of the braek up. If she changes her mind she will let you know but I would not spend any time hoping for it. She will be more prepare the second time around fpr the confusion she felt about her feelings than the first time and probably more resolved about staying broken up.

 

That's a good point. Makes sense.

 

The only thing that bothers me is that whenever I have broken up in the past and was sure of it or the person who broke up with me was sure of it there was no lingering doubt about it.

 

For example, we were prepared to go on a trip with he brother in law and her sister in march. He called me Tuesday and we finalized everything. Her sister called me on Monday to also finalize everything. Just last Friday she was happy as could be and horny (HATE to sound so blunt. Sorry) as hell and then all of a sudden she is really sad about life/work/school/weight on Tuesday and then "us" on Wednesday her friend leaves for year long trip last Monday. She also told me that she still wants me a part of her life but I told her no not right now. Maybe in some time.

 

 

Your suggestion really makes good sense and I understand she would be more prepared this time but she told me last time all she wanted was to be with me when were broke up.

 

I dunno, I am just confused right now.

[melrich]

Try not to read too much into everything. Unfortunately we cannot time things as we would like. I am not saying there is no chance for you two but it is better for you to take the view that it is all over and get on with things. If it does not turn out that way it will be a nice surprise.

 

Also if she does decide to get together again, next time ask her why. She needs to be doing it for the right reasons..not guilt or security or fear of being alone. Those reasons will not sustain a relationship.

[Iceman26]

What you feel is the right thing to do IS the right thing to do.

 

She obviously needs to do some growing up and finding happiness within herself. Peacefully bowing out of her life for a long while is the smart thing to do in my opinion.

 

Let her experience the things she needs to experience, go through some self growth, and if she comes back to you then you will know it was meant to be.

[GaveTooMuch]

I think you and I are in pretty similar situations. My G/F of three years left me in the end of last December, things were really final until the end of last Janurary. I am also 5 years older than her. We never really had any serious problems in our relationship. We were like best friends and also lovers. We used to see and talk to each other for hours everyday. The just recently she's starting to get her career together. Made some new friends in the same field and interests. Going out all the time. She told me that she doesn't know if she wants to be in a serious relationship right now and our relationship is only headed in one direction... and that is marriage... something she is not ready for. I still love her dearly and am always making excuses for her. It is so hard for me to hate her or be mad at anything she does even though she has changed so much in so little time. The fact is, she left for some reason, even if she can't explain it or does not want to... there is a reason. I know she does not want to hurt me. It's just things change.

 

For example, she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship at all with anybody. only a week after our final goodbye, she was on a date with another guy. her excuse was it was to make sure that not why she left. She went on that date and she was absolutely sure she does not want to date right now. yet she says don't always expect her to be single and she doesn't expect me to be single also. Before she would have a heart attack if I even spoke to another female,.. now she want me to date. My birthday is this sunday, she said the last time we spoke in Jan. that we would go to dinner for my birthday during the week since she'll be out of town my birthday weekend...... it's already thursday...I know she has plans to go out with her friends tomorrow.... things change. Save yourself some of the pain that still stalks me. Learn to let go and not expect to much. She will never be the same as she was when she was with you. I'm not telling you to hate her, but just be thankful for the times you shared together. If you truly love her and want to see her happy.... let her do what she needs to do.. let her go.

[pagemaster]

Well she called yesterday mornig to the cottage that I was staying at the night she broke up with me on the telephone. The call came from her sister's house at 11:23am just over 12 hours after she broke up with me.

 

It could of been her sister calling but I am not sure.

 

Anyways. I have GREAT news on the job front. Next week I have two job interviews.