An update on the situation...

[mhowe]

Leave her alone. Your last text did not require a response.

[SpaceRace8421]

Leave her alone. Your last text did not require a response.

 

I dunno, when she said "Hey, I'm really sorry I haven't replied recently" I kinda thought she was available for talking at that point.

[mhowe]

Clearly she didn't want a conversation. Let her initiate the next contact.

[SpaceRace8421]

Clearly she didn't want a conversation. Let her initiate the next contact.

 

Well, who knows how long that will be

[mhowe]

It could be weeks. It doesn't matter. You cannot force her to remind in your life.

[IAmFCA]

So, what should I do then? If she's not answering?

 

Do whatever else you have to do that does not involve her.

 

Put your phone down and go for a hike.

[IAmFCA]

Well, who knows how long that will be

 

Your choice, Kuzer:

 

1. Sit and watch the clock and calendar till she contacts you.

2. Hike, read, throw a party, learn how to ride a unicycle, train for a bicycle race, launch a community project, make dinner for a neighbor, go to church/temple/hall/mosque and practice a religious tradition familiar or new to you, go to the movies by yourself, make a movie, take a painting class...

 

Which will it be?

[SpaceRace8421]

It was just so vague. All she did was send me two texts. The first one just said my name, my first name, that's all, and the second one said "I'm really sorry I haven't replied recently", and I don't know what it meant. Why did she say that? No explanation, no continuation of the conversation, nothing. I'm really afraid I blew it. I mean, what the heck was that? Just say that and then nothing. I feel like she's freaking scared of me now. She thinks I'm obsessed or something. I don't know, it just scares me so badly.

[mhowe]

You are obsessing. Let it go.

[boltnrun]

She thinks you're obsessed because you ARE obsessed.

 

Plus, your apology was "needy". You were hoping she'd respond by saying "That's OK! How about getting together tomorrow?" And she could see that.

 

You haven't "changed" at all, your behavior proves that. She can probably sense that.

 

She's obviously feeling bad about making you feel bad. But that doesn't mean she wants to go back to dating you. At least, not right now.

 

Instead of sitting at home staring at your phone waiting for it to go off and feeling bad, how about going out somewhere? Is there a coffee house, a bookstore, a park or somewhere else you can go? And leave your phone at home!

[SpaceRace8421]

No. She was supposed to give me another chance. She was supposed. to give me. another. chance. She was supposed to talk to me and we were supposed to have a CONVERSATION. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. I CAN'T BE RUINING THIS.

[mhowe]

You should check out the counseling center. This is becoming very unhealthy. Make an appointment tomorrow.

[Tanzi]

So, what should I do then? If she's not answering?

 

You accept that she has a very good reason for not replying and respect it. As far as she is concerned the relationship is over and she wants some time and space to be by herself. You've said what you needed to say in your last text without coming accross as totally needy so there is nothing more you need to say. You left things better than you had before and the ball is in now firmly in her court. It is a good point to leave it.

 

It was just so vague. All she did was send me two texts. The first one just said my name, my first name, that's all, and the second one said "I'm really sorry I haven't replied recently", and I don't know what it meant. Why did she say that? No explanation, no continuation of the conversation, nothing. I'm really afraid I blew it. I mean, what the heck was that? Just say that and then nothing. I feel like she's freaking scared of me now. She thinks I'm obsessed or something. I don't know, it just scares me so badly.

 

Kuzer, you didn't blow anything. The relationship is already over.

 

I expect she felt like she really needed to reply to your last text but didn't really know what to say because there is nothing else she wants to say.

[boltnrun]

Please locate a professional to talk to. Please don't hurt yourself any longer, please find a way to get some help.

[SpaceRace8421]

You accept that she has a very good reason for not replying and respect it. As far as she is concerned the relationship is over and she wants some time and space to be by herself. You've said what you needed to say in your last text without coming accross as totally needy so there is nothing more you need to say. You left things better than you had before and the ball is in now firmly in her court. It is a good point to leave it.

 

 

 

Kuzer, you didn't blow anything. The relationship is already over.

 

I expect she felt like she really needed to reply to your last text but didn't really know what to say because there is nothing else she wants to say.

 

Fine. It's over. Whatever. It's over because I made ONE FREAKING MISTAKE. ONE MISTAKE. Is there a reason she couldn't forgive me after ONE mistake that ANYONE could've made?! SERIOUSLY?! COME ON!

 

EVERY TIME I TELL PEOPLE THAT I'LL NEVER FIND ANYONE LIKE HER, THEY TELL ME THAT I WILL, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW HOW UNIQUE AND SPECIAL THIS GIRL IS. IF I EVER FIND ANOTHER GIRL LIKE HER, SHE'D HAVE TO BE AN EXACT FREAKING CLONE OF HER, BECAUSE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WHO WILL EVER MATCH THE UNIQUE PERSONALITY AND APPEARANCE THIS GIRL HAS.

[HappySeeker]

You should check out the counseling center. This is becoming very unhealthy. Make an appointment tomorrow.

 

I have to agree with this post. You are taking this way too far. This is more than you being needy and has crossed over to you being obsessed.

 

If she wanted to chat she would have said more than just "sorry I haven't replied lately". She would have asked how you were or at least offered some reason why she hasn't replied. As previously mentioned. she probably felt a little bad that she was making you feel bad and decided to text you. You do need to stop apologizing for being needy as well. Should she text you again, you should take a little time to reply and keep it short and sweet. Ask her how things are and don't make it seem like you were anxiously awaiting her message. You really need to move forward and get yourself some counseling.

 

Regardless, you need that help whether she comes back around or not.

 

EDIT: Either you're a troll or you seriously need to check yourself into a hospital ASAP. You need help, right now. Immediately.

[boltnrun]

Whatever you do, please do NOT go to her home, school or work place and insist she talk to you. Sometimes people think that's a great idea, but all that will get you is at the very least, you'll turn her away for good, and at the most, a restraining order. And I don't recommend any more messages apologizing.

 

Remember, she does NOT have to see you or talk to you at all. You can't force anyone to do anything. But the surest way to turn her off is to insist she see or talk to you.

 

Please think carefully and calm down before you make any decisions or do anything.

[Coldarmy13]

What everyone has told you and advised you is all good advice.

 

I doubt youll accept this and I don't blame you and understand. I can see you are in a lot of pain.

 

The BEST thing you can do here is nothing. Leave it alone, theres nothing you can say to make things go your way here. She has to do it on her own.

[Tanzi]

Fine. It's over. Whatever. It's over because I made ONE FREAKING MISTAKE. ONE MISTAKE. Is there a reason she couldn't forgive me after ONE mistake that ANYONE could've made?! SERIOUSLY?! COME ON!

 

Yes, there is a good reason .... she doesn't want to. But the reason why doesn't really matter. It is what it is and you have to accept it. Personally, I don't think it is all over just because of one mistake. That may have been the catalyst but it was probably leading towards that way anyway.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

So why don't you start a personal journal for yourself and start to list the things you think you did wrong in this relationship. Instead of focusing on the past, which you cannot return to, you have no choice but to start focusing on the present and the future. She didn't leave you because you made one mistake, she left you because she lost interest over time. Once you have a listing of what you feel you did wrong, you know what it is you want to change about yourself or how you handle situations.

 

Then, you need to take a deep dive into why she wasn't the right person for you, even though you think she was. She wasn't, and there were things about her that you didn't prefer, and there are red flags about her that you refused to see. And the biggest red flag of all is that she dumped you and is now ignoring you. Why are you letting yourself lower your personal value by accepting this as ok, and trying to win her back? Stand up for yourself, be a man, and tell yourself that you need someone who is as much into you as you are them, and if they aren't, then you're willing to be alone until you find that person that is! Why are you focused on one person who is less interested in you than you are her? There are so many opportunities to meet wonderful and beautiful women that will rival her 10 times over, if you just stop focusing on the past. Take a singles cruise, join a meetup, go to some event that you would have never gone to in the past.

 

You think she's perfect because you are afraid of being alone. You are afraid you'll never find someone better. As long as you allow yourself to dwell in that pit of fear, you'll stay there. Today is the day you need to start your journey out of that pit. There is a lot of pain about this relationship being over ahead of you, but each day that pain turns into strength. Soon you'll discover that you will not accept that pain any more and you'll begin to learn more about yourself and what it is you want in a partner and a relationship, and you will more importantly learn that it's better to walk away sooner than to ever return to this pain again.

 

She's not for you. Not right now. Walk away and let her have what she asked for, which is for you to leave her alone. Keeping in contact and telling her what you did wrong is only making you look weak and unattractive. She doesn't need you to tell her what she didn't like about the relationship. You need to let her be without you so the positive memories come back. No one enjoys remembering bad times, so let those bad memories disappear in her mind. You can only do that by living a new life for yourself without her.

[toby17]

I made ONE FREAKING MISTAKE. ONE MISTAKE. Is there a reason she couldn't forgive me after ONE mistake

 

Maybe she's not that perfect after all.

 

EVERY TIME I TELL PEOPLE THAT I'LL NEVER FIND ANYONE LIKE HER, THEY TELL ME THAT I WILL, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW HOW UNIQUE AND SPECIAL THIS GIRL IS. IF I EVER FIND ANOTHER GIRL...

 

Because we've all been there. We all have that girl.

 

But guess what? You do get used to not having her.

 

But this is always going to happen to you. You're obsessive and no matter what girl, no matter whether she's special or not, you'll have a problem, because your problem is (i) abandonment (ii) not being able to handle rejection and (iii) anxious attachment style.