I hate my mother.

[Belle187]

This is a difficult topic for me to discuss but it's something that really bothers me to the core of my being.

It's a long story, so to anyone who reads, thank you.

 

I am 25 years old. I grew up with a nice family background. My childhood was great, daddy was my hero and mom was an angel in my eyes. I was a happy kid! When my parents divorced, it was really hard for me. I was 13 when it happened and that's when my mom really started to dig at me. My mom always had a way of tearing me down as a kid and I remember times when she would completely discourage me and put me down even when I really needed her to encourage and bring me up. She always had some embarrassing story to tell her friends about me, about how I did something ridiculous and how stupid I was for doing it. She only treated me like this. As I got into my teenage years things got really messy. Around 14 or 15 she started abusing me physically, in very small ways. Kicking me, shoving me, her favorite was to pinch me. I know that seems silly compared to what other people get but stick with me here. I started to avoid her house. I didn't want to go to my dads because he was always working so I'd be alone. I wanted to be around my brother at the time, since we all had such a rough time with the divorce. So instead, I started staying over at my boyfriends house. We were together about 3 years through high school. At 16, I got pregnant with my little girl. My mom spent the entire afternoon screaming at me, telling me I was useless and disgusting. My family is not religious, never have been. In fact, SHE got pregnant with my oldest sister when she was 16. I tried to understand her disappointment, as a parent myself I can understand why she was so upset...sometimes we say things we don't mean when we're upset. When my daughter was about 6 months old, I broke it off with her dad. My mom was so mad at me (for whatever reason, I will never know) and told me I just broke up with him to " around" with other guys. She called me a and a loser. I still to this day have no idea why she was so upset with me, I wasn't interested in other guys, in fact I didn't date anyone again until the day after my daughters first birthday and I was with that guy for 3 years too. There were multiple times in the following years that she would threaten me, telling me she'd pay for a lawyer so she could take my daughter from me and get custody for her father....I took really good care of my daughter. She was always with me, well fed, nice clothes. I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was a teenager so when her dad had her on his time, I would go to friends houses and occasionally drink (even as an adult I'm not much of a drinker, so this didn't happen often.) I couldn't understand the harshness and at one point, I told her to get out of my life, that I didn't want her around us.

After a few months of not speaking to my mother, I let her know that I was getting my GED. She didn't ever reply to the message. The day my GED came in the mail, I surprised my dad with it and he hugged me, all excited and congratulated me. He was so happy for me! I called my mom and said hey, I'm coming to your house I just wanted to make sure you weren't leaving and she asked what I needed. I said it's a surprise and she said, I'm about to go to bed can't you just tell me? (It was 5:30 in the afternoon and at the time she was unemployed) I said I got my GED in the mail today and her words with no enthusiasm behind them were just "oh. cool." then she said she had to go. I cried so hard that day because I could not understand or see her cruelty. I didn't get why she had to be so mean to me!!

I moved in with my mom because my room mate was moving. A friend of mine needed a place to stay so he crashed with us for a while, driving my mom around, buying her wine and other things. After about a week and a half, she kicked us out because we both "didn't do enough for her" He bought her stuff all the time. He wasn't my boyfriend, more like a brother. He would drive her everywhere! She kicked me out and I had no where to go. At this point I wasn't getting along with my step mom (those issues have since been resolved) so I couldn't live with my dad. My mom knew this. I was forced to live in a place that was covered in cat pee. It was disgusting but I didn't have any other options. I couldn't get my daughter because the house I lived in was so trashy. After about 6 weeks of not being able to see my daughter, I went to stay with my friends parents. His father ended up being a child molester, something we had feared, and so the whole time I stayed there, I wouldn't let my daughter in the house. This caused me to not see her consistently for about 2 months. I would beg my mom to let me come home, I would go to her house crying and beg her. I had a job, I said I would sign my checks over to her and she wouldn't do it. She wouldn't let me come back. I would get texts from her, calling me names and saying I was just like the woman my father had an affair with (that's her favorite insult. "You're just like *****") One day, my daughters father called me and said my daughter was really upset because she wanted to see me. I tried really hard to keep it together explaining my situation. He said well I just talked to your mom and she says you refuse to come stay with her and that she's asked you to stay with her multiple times. We had to 3 way call her so that I could tell him the truth. I showed him the messages she had sent to me, my friend told him about the nights I stayed up crying because I couldn't be with my daughter. It was a really difficult time in my life.

I ended up moving back in with her and things were really well for a long time. She was still really subtly mean to me but to where you would see it as someone poking fun of a friend. It cut a lot deeper than that for me. There were more conflicts after that but it's so much to get into.

I started going to church and that's when she started mocking me, at which point I decided to live with my dad. She would make fun of me for going to church. At the time, it meant a lot to me. I had a new job waitressing so I just lived with my dad and worked and hung out with my daughter. One day, I invited my mom to church with me. When she came with me, I let the past go. I forgave her and in my heart, all the things she had done before that were gone. I forgave her for hurting me so many times and for making me miss out on my daughters life for 5 months. I moved out of my parents house and at this point on after I haven't lived with her again.

Here's the thing; my mom has never in my life supported me or been happy for me. I got a job in management and I have had many ups and downs learning how to run a business. I've been very fortunate with the boss that I have who has taken me under his wing to teach me how to run a business. He sees me as the future of his company.

I try to share good news with my mother but she is constantly complaining about her own life. My step dad and her never have money, but not from a lack of earning money. They both have good jobs. My mom is a spender. I found out recently that the divorce happened because my mom maxed out 3 credit cards in my dads name. What did she spend the money on? I will never know. I know she didn't get anything for her kids (there are 4 of us) we didn't go school clothes shopping as kids. We didn't get to have birthday parties. We didn't get much for Christmas. My parents seemed so broke but it was because my mom was spending it all on herself. In July, she had a HUGE party with some giant fireworks. The day before the party, she mentioned that she wasn't sure how they were going to keep the electricity on at the house because they had no money. I could have slapped her. My sister just went through a divorce, she and I are very close. She's been talking to me about how my mom treats her and it's exactly how she always treated me. Bashing her and her style, the things she likes. Talking down about her friends, taking her money, talking about how she's a terrible parent and things like that. I wonder a lot of the time if it was just a way of saying the things about herself that she never could. That she is the one who is a bad mom, a bad person in general and it was just projected onto us. I've had MAJOR self esteem problems my whole life. When my boyfriend and I get into fights, I completely freeze up and have no idea what to say because for my mom, everything I said wasn't good enough. He has helped me overcome a lot of the issues she has caused but I just don't know what to do anymore. I try so hard to keep in contact with her but I cannot stand talking to her. Everything is about her, she's the victim and everyone else is the . I stopped going to church because my beliefs changed. I won't go into that one it's way longer than this post lol but when I stopped going she became a Christian/Pagan. She tells some people she's a witch then on social media she's a Jesus freak. I can't stand her.

I've talked to her about it before but it gets so turned around and she ALWAYS has a "reason."

tbh I'm not really sure why I typed all this out but I guess I needed to.

[melancholy123]

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time. Your mother sounds mentally ill to me, do you think that is the problem?

 

My mother didn't treat me well either but not as bad as what you have endured. I cut her out of my life and nasty as that sounds, it is what I needed to do and it was one of the best things I've ever done. I have a great husband who believes in me, is supportive and kind and never puts me down. I had no self esteem as a kid thanks to my mother.

 

You may be better off to stop all contact with your mother and concentrate on yourself and your child.

[JA0371]

Your mom likely didn't have a lot of love or affection from her own parents...so it's likely something she does without even knowing it. Im not saying it's ok for that reason but it's possible. My mom was also pretty negative and pessimistic. Not very encouraging..but she didn't have that as a child, so her view on life was pretty bleak.

Don't hate your mom... Just realize she is who she is, and nothing will ever change that. You can limit your time around her and your daughters as well. If you don't want the trend to continue just be sure to always be present when your mom is around your daughter. Patterns of behavior are learned....don't let her infect your daughter too.

 

Good luck...

[Belle187]

My mom had a decent upbringing. Her mom went to prison for a short time for stealing money from her job. But she wasn't bad. I know she was a drama queen lol but other than that....she had a good life. I think she's bitter because I have a life she's always wanted.

[Seraphim]

No ,I really don't think your mother had a good life as a kid if her mother went to prison. Or if she turned out the way she did. People don't just randomly turned out like that. ( for the most part) I think you are normalizing a lot of things which is natural for people who have been abused to try and normalize what they went through and what their parents are like.

[lukeb]

I can understand how a 13-14-15 year old adolescent would hate her mother under those circumstances, but I have trouble understanding how a mature 25 year old woman looking back on her childhood would. There was no one there for you who was stable and capable enough to handle an adolescent who was clearly out of control. It is too bad your mom was put into a position she was clearly not capable of handling. Doesn't sound like your Dad was there for you, sounds like he was starting a life of his own with his new wife. Reading your post I have less sympathy for your Dad than I do for your Mom. Some people aren't meant to be parents much less single parents with no support from anyone. You did get a raw deal but so did your Mom, it doesn't sound fair to lay this all on her. I hope things will work out better for you than your mom as a single mom and your daughter's teenage years aren't too far off.