....About wanting the ex back....

[Snarfnaj]

The devastating blow of someone leaving us. Endless questions, sleepless nights, total loss of interest and activity, loss of appetite to full blown depression. It seems like the only person that can take away all this pain is the person that caused it in the first place. A lot of time is wasted waiting for that phone to ring. How can this be? She said she loved me so much. He promised we would always be together, it will never be the same.....

 

Even when you finally get to the point that rationally you know that there's no way back there's still this longing for that person that seems to have cut us out from their lives completely. But what are we longing for? even if you find your way back to eachother, what then? That temporary feeling of romance and bliss quickly subsides and fear and distrust set in. Why is it so difficult to be grateful for a wonderful time, learn from mistakes and move on to something new.

 

Deep down we know that it would be better to start from scratch. But when, where and how do we meet that person that will bring us the same love and joy we were fortunate to have for a while? It seems like every new person we meet doesn't meet the standard.

 

Why do we want them back? we miss them dearly, we wish we could hold on just a little bit longer to that wonderful feeling. We long to feel them in the night, to see the smile that you know you caused. But we also want to see the person to reaffirm our selfworth that we feel like they took away when they left. We would love to hear that they realized they made a horrible mistake. We'd love to say "i knew it!"

 

But what are the odds of that happening? What are the odds of them coming back. What are the odds of making things work after this? Pretty slim, I'd say.....Seems like I have to regain what I think I lost myself and stop ask myself these useless questions that will never be answered. And in my struggle I experience the pain of loss, the feeling of standing alone once more and the longing for the storm in my mind to quiet.

 

It's been four months and it's a rollercoaster of emotions still. But it is 2 steps foreward, one step back. Slowely but surely further away from what I thought I wanted and slowly but surely closer to what I think I want.....

[Down-In-A-Hole]

Perfectly stated.

 

I'm now going through the same thing. I'm already trying to tell myself that maybe I should put up with what I hate so I can stay together with that person.

 

But I know that is silly and would only lead to the same thing happening down the road.

 

Stay strong and let go of the ex. That's the only way to move on and become a better person.

[auburnslp]

bravo, bravo...

It's been almost a year now for me...and listen folks, it is a year I wish I could have back and do all over, knowing what I know now-which is that we do heal, that despite how hopeless it seems at the time, we do move on, and finally, we look back and realize one inherent TRUTH...and that is this...

Sometimes not getting what we want is exactly what we need...

Took me an awfully long time to realize that-but it is true...with time and total separation, finally the things that were problems become more clear, and we look back and realize that they were enough to contribute to the demise of the relationship, and also, that we really deserve better than that in the first place...

I know it is near impossible to comprehend and accept this when you are in the middle of the pain, but it is true, and one day, you will know it to be so...

I wish I could have the year back...I feel it was a wasted year, for the most part...but not totally, because I have learned much, about myself and about what I want and deserve from a lover...

Ah well, that's life I guess....but now, for me,...I embrace an optimism for love and once again, a passion for life...

Be well everyone, chins up...Michael

[Pebek]

Great post Snarfnaj.

 

It's been 10+ months since my breakup. I know I have to move on. It's hard but I'm finally coming to the point of losing all hope of her ever coming back to me. Strangely enough, it hurts less when you realize your ex is never going to come back. It's different for everybody. I'm one of those who take years to fully heal. It was a great relationship I had. Or so I thought. As it turned out, it wasn't so great. After all, it took her one night to switch off her emotions in front of me. She might have been contemplating that earlier but what do I care now? If she really hid her true feelings for a year or so, I'm better off without such a person. Now that real anger for my ex is starting to kick in, I'm slowly regaining my self-confidence. I feel I'm going to be the man I was before I met her. I used to be the man for her, but I no longer am that man.

Finally, let me say it one more time - NC is the way to go if you want to heal. You just have to break away from the past, no matter how hard it is. And tough it is.

 

Pete

[auburnslp]

that's the way Pete, congrats...I hate letting go of hope, but it is necessary...and I, as you, realize how things really are and were, with time and distance...

Funny, but for me also it is almost a year, and I feel now like I don't even know the person that I shared so much time and love with-I really wouldn't even know what to say to her now...she feels like a stranger to me, and luckily, I have not seen her in a very long time...

Keep up the path you are on-sounds like you are getting to where you want and need to be...Michael

[Pebek]

Auburnslp, yeah letting go (of hope) is hard but necessary. I haven't seen my ex since that day and I just don't want to know NOTHING about her. It's funny how a person you once loved so much suddenly becomes a stranger.

It's been a hard year but I've learned that you can pick yourself up off the floor after your world has crumbled all around you. I never knew that I would be able to do that. Now I do. There's one more thing - I wouldn't have been where I am now without the love and support of my family and friends. Needless to say, all you wonderful ppl on this forum. It's great to have you all to fall back on in hard times.

 

Pete

[rich46]

Very good post Snarfnaj, thanks a lot.

 

Also nice to 'see' you both auburnslp and Pebek and know that you are both making good progress after such a difficult time.

 

Keep on looking forward...

 

Rich

[HajiMaji]

You brought up an interesting point. You said your ex feels like a stranger to you now, and you wouldnt know what to say to her if you spoke with her. Its funny cause that thought poped in my head 5 minutes ago, so i came on enotalone cause i started to feel down. Heh, its nuts to think she was number 1 and now shes just some girl. Man, i dont know how to get past that

[Foz]

Excellent post Snarfnaj.

im at the 5 month mark and, although im better than i was a the 2-3 months mark, i still yearn for my ex and wish that we could get back together.

Its tough and i still feel that no one knows me like he does and how only he can take away all the pain and well i still feel life was better when he was my partner!!

im not doing too bad at NC either but he has recently started contacting me and confusing me again and making me miss him alot!!

 

FOZ!

[katiekate1982]

Excellent post, i'm at the 1 month mark now and after 2 weeks of no communication, he called to see how I was doing. I wanted to say how do you think i'm doing, but I pretended to be happy, and I think I was happy he was finally civil and nice to me. This is soo hard and I don't know what the phone call meant I never will, I can't give myself false hope, but its sometimes easy to do. Its like you want to hear those three words again, and the I miss you, I made a mistake, but I guess I shouldn't hold my breath.

[me4ta]

That's weird because it's been 7 months since the break up and about 2-3 months since my last post here...and suddenly today I felt kind of down, for the first time in months. And you know what, I guess for each person it's different, I don't want him back.

 

But I also have to agree that I've personally learned so much about relationships and break ups.....just read a lot of stuff on psychology and it helped me a lot.

 

I have so much desire to meet the right person, and I have so much positive attitude right now...but for some reason, I can't get over this anger at him. For instance last weekend, he invited all of our mutual friends to his place to watch SuperBowl, and of course I wasn't invited....and I know it's because his current gf is afraid of me, afraid that I might steal him back (in december he and I bumped into each other on this corporate event and talked, about nothing, like old friends...and she happened to see it, so I don't know what she was thinking, but she started crying, bumping into chairs and tables, infront of her co-workers....we were talking infront of everybody, there was no intention of making a scene, but apparently she felt scared and jealous that we could make up).

 

So anyways, I felt that it was just not fair, I played such a big role in his life and because of his new insecure silly gf - I am almost like a persona non grata....That felt weird.