Im seeing him tonite, what should I do???

[giggle3474]

Background....

 

I have major trust issues with my man. He acts shady a lot of the time and I have caught him in a few lies. About a month ago, he left his planner in my car and I went through it. Nothing incriminating except the ID card of some girl with an address about 300 miles away. Her name was Gina. I didn't say anything about it then because I figured it wasn't a big deal but it kept nagging at me.

 

About a week and a half ago, I was at his house and I went through his cell phone. I saw in the call log a call made to a Gina. I decided to ask him about it. I asked him who she was and he stayed quiet for a long time before he finally answered that she was a friend. He asked me where I got the name from and I wouldn't tell him. That night he kept his back to me the whole night and wouldn't hug or kiss me. In the morning he told me he was upset because I went through his cell phone without asking. I told him thats not where I got the name from. (but i didn't admit to going through the cell phone)

 

Later in the day, he called me and asked me if I had seen a picture frame of his in his room. I hadn't seen it and I couldn't figure out why he would be calling me and asking me that. (unless it was a picture of Gina)

 

Things were ok for the next week. I stayed the night on Thursday and we had a nice talk about where things were going and we both admitted to falling for each other. Then as I was getting my things ready to go, I accidentally knocked over a pile of his things and a picture frame fell out. I picked it up to see this girl Gina with my boyfriend standing behind her with his arms around her.

 

I finished getting my things and I told him I found his picture frame and then I threw it on the bed and started to walk out. He grabbed me as I was leaving and tried to tell me about it but I shut him off and I left.

 

We had a conversation about it that morning (he said she was just a friend and the picture is old) I don't have pictures of my friends in that type of pose....

 

He told me he would do anything so that I would believe him. I admitted to knowing about the ID card and I told him I wanted him to get rid of both the ID card and the picture. He said he would. He said he would call her for me and let me talk to her if I wanted if it would make me feel better. He said that if he took those actions to prove to me that there's nothing going on, then he didn't want to hear about it anymore.

 

Well I'm going over there tonite and I feel like I won't be satisfied until I have him call her to prove it to me...BUT part of me thinks that even that won't satisfy me. On the flip side, I don't want to ask him to call her, I kind of see it as demeaning...or maybe I'm scared it's just a bluff.

 

I want to get past this. I love this guy but trusting is hard for me anyways coupled with the fact that I'm insecure. And I must say that he hasn't done much to help me trust him.

 

So what do I do or say tonite?

[FuriousSam]

Say "We're through!" and walk away. If you can't trust him (You have problem trusting and he has been shady) then things are not going to change. Plus if you really like someone and vice versa, would they do shady things?

[SilverManic]

I think I read your post about this a while ago. I personaly would be to embaresed to speak to a boyfriend's friend about this type of thing and would be more likely just to take his word for it. Does he know about your insecurity issue? If he does just say 'I'm sorry but it would set my mind at ease if I did speak to her' but then it's compleatly up to you on this one sweety.

Good Luck,

~S.

[Luscious]

okay I'm very familiar with your story...I would say he threw the option out there so take the option, it may feel a little bit demeaning but if you don't take it your gonna regret not doing so and wondering what if. So you have nothing to lose.

 

Good Luck!!!

[melrich]

I agree on this one. I haven't read your other posts but I get the feeling that your b/f could definitely be telling the truth. This may just be an old friend (probably an ex girlfriend who he is still friendly with). I would not be jumping to conclusions, I mean if she is 300 miles away how is he seeing her (if he is?).

 

Don't worry too much about the fact that he has kept the picture, plenty of people do that, he probably just likes the photo. Talk to him in more detail about what is going on. I mean you can take up his offer to speak to her but my guess is that he will ultimately resent you for doing that. And anyway, if there is something funny going on he's going to have it worked out with her anyway so what is the point.

 

I'd go from the position that it is all very innocent but tell him you want to talk about it in more detail without being accusatory.

[Iceman26]

I agree with Sam, walk away. He is acting shady and life is too short to tolerate this kind of behavior in someone else. If things are over between them then he shouldnt be talking to her, and he would have been forthcoming about talking with her in the first place and who she was.

 

Instead he hid these secrets like Easter Eggs waiting to be found, and this egg you found smells pretty damn rotten to me, trust your gut on this one and walk away.