Not sure if im over-reacting or if this is legitimate

[Prez2021]

Okay, i put this one in the "long distance" category becuase, well, this is a long distance relationship (2 hr away) but the issue isn't distance.. still, i ask if u could please help..

 

So last august I went to a week long summer camp for my youth group (this group has 5 weekend conventions each year, and a 1 week long camp). This freshmen girl basically had a HUGE crush on me (I am a junior and best friends with her brothers) so it was "cute". We didn't really didn't talk that much. Now as my life continued (and i missed a few of the 5 times i would have seen her) she became Obsessed.. not stalker kind of way, but basically any picture of me she saw would make her feel like she was on cloud 9 etc. Then when i started IMing and Emailing her (to be nice) she would (apparently) call her friends just to say that i was talking to her.. Then in february i decided i would take her to our Formal (to be nice, and since she was becoming a good friend) unfortunately i lost my ride to their city, and wound up crushing her.. BUT (long i know) In April when i finally saw her again i decided i actually liked her and asked her out..

 

Now heres the issue. Prior to April she would make any sacrifice to return an Email, or IM, or anything to me. She would tell her friends when i called and well.. EVERYTHING.

 

Now i know that once the crush is returned then its not such an obsession but more of a reality. BUT now its like im number 5 on her list. a month ago if i called she'd be crazy. A month ago if i sent her a flower (to hint at liking her) she would be absolutely (no word to describe) but now my flowers, cards, and emails bearly get response?

 

Is she taking me for granted? Or am I just looking for too much in return.. I have been known to fall hard for people.. and well.. I suppose now that i've fallen for her, i feel like shes over me..

 

WHAT DO I DO?

 

~j

[squirrley]

Well, you have to realize she's very young. You said she was a freshman and you were a junior??? Young girls tend to be " young and stupid" I say this because I speak from experience. As I got older and matured, i realized my true feelings towards all of my ex boyfriends and realized they were just crushes. Now I have a serious boyfriend of a year and 10 months which is a relationship that has grown and we're really good friends. But we're about to experience the long distance problem to because he's going to college, but you need to see that if she really loves you and it's not just some crush she'll eventuall open her eyes as she gets older, but it never hurts to talk to her and tell her how she's making you feel. You sound like a really sweet guy and she does need to quit taking advantage of you, thereforeeeeee you need to talk it out with her and find out from her if she feels the same way about you as you do her! I hope i was any help at all!

[Prez2021]

Thank you for your reply, and your kind remarks.. (i do hope that i am indeed a "sweet niec guy" however i think i gave u the wrong impression of this girl. She is the nicest, sweetest girl, and my issue isn't with how she acts, so much as how 1 month ago she would stay up late for my calls, or cut a class just to pop online during my lunch period and say hi..

 

but since we've been together she just seems like shes not so thrilled or excited that i like her..

 

I know this seems pretty simple

"obviously the girl loved the chase" but the truth is that she still likes me, and hasn't NOT liked me since last august.

 

So do u hacve any idea?

[alecander]

Prez2021:

 

The question is not only about how much has she changed, but also how much have you changed?

 

You sound like a sincere, sensitive man. You want to stay that way since that's the reason she probably liked you in the first place. Remain true to who you are as an INDIVIDUAL person. Do you act differently now that you've revealed your interest? Are you all of a sudden spilling out your heart and telling her everything, and doing all the romantic things you think "your supposed to do?" If you are, do you think that's the reason why she now should like you more? I'm not sure that's the case, or if that's what she was looking for. The reason why she liked you in the beginning is because of who you were. Stay true to that, maintain your composure, your sincerity, and self-reliance.

 

Relationships grow overtime, and come in phases. The first part is about awareness of eachother, followed by the "crush", then perhaps the "response period", then the "oh my god I'm losing myself reality check", then the "it's okay to be myself" and then finally the relationship grows deeper (or farther apart). Everybody likes the "crush" period because it's fun and exciting. For some the crush period can last months or years; for others it's short. In many cases, it comes ago throughout the entire relationship. The period of the crush is not as important (as exciting as it). It's the phases that follow that build the relationship. Commonly, however, when someone moves out of the "crush period" (it's not a personal decision, it just naturally happens), they panic thinking, oh, my gosh, perhaps I'm not really that much in love. Internally, what's probably going on is that they are searching for their true self again. Once collected, she's ready to come back to tell you what she's thinking.

 

You and your friend have a relationship that will constantly change over time (by the hour, week, month, year). You will be either friends, a couple, acquintances, one-day enemies, or just a sweet remembrance.

 

Allow yourself to be yourself, and allow her to be herself. That's why you liked eachother in the first place. Try to resist molding yourself into a "couple" too early. Just let that happen naturally and comfortably. If it's natural and comfortable, your relationship can grow. If you drown it with too much water, it will die.