Will the pain ever stop

[Countrywide88]

I've been married to the same guy for 8 years now. Last year two days before our 7th anniversary I found out my husband was have a affair on me for about 2 months. (As much as I know) I brought this girl into my home because she was young and had no family and was bouncing from home to home trying to finish school. My husband and were financialy ok. We had 2 kids together and a really big house. My husband at first didn't want to take her in and I argued that she was young and pretty much homeless. He agreed to let her stay. I provided for as if she were my own. Gave her her own room and bathroom. Let her dive my car everything a 18 year old would want I tried to give to her since she had no one. She started taking advantage of it and I didn't even realize it at the time. She was sinking my husband and I into debt. So my husband and I started having marital problems over finances. I was working but not enough to keep us ahead. My husband was the bread winner. Well come to find out from my husbands reactions from when I looked at his phone he was hiding something. So id search his phone when he wasn't around and she was but never found anything. I would cry to her and tell her my marriage has never been this bad. I know we will overcome it. We always have. Come to find out she was the one sleeping with my husband the whole time. I know when things got bad between us he started doing drugs all around the time he was cheating on me. What I can't get past is how could two people live around me knowing what they were doing like nothing happened.

[DoF]

Rule of thumb, whenever you allow into your household you change EVERYTHING. Chemistry, atmosphere, and 1 million other things are effected.

 

Personally I stay away from this AT ALL COST. Even family members or friends. Not only does it disturbed the home, it simply ruins relationships as well!!!

 

You need to get this girl out of the house, that's #1. Like, a year ago.

 

#2, have a serious conversation with your husband. figure out if he is simply a cheat or there were some deeper issues in your relationship that lead him to cheat. Identify the issue so at least you can prevent it from happening in future relationship. Lack of intimacy or sexual negligence is probably #1 issue that causes men to cheat, that's simply because sex is the ultimate expression of love to us, so no sex = no love.

 

See how your husband feels about the entire ordeal. Is he appologetic, does he want to continue relationship?

 

you also need to figure out if you are willing to give him a 2nd chance (just no 3rd chances or you become an enabler).

 

If you decide to stick around, you guys need to work HARD on fixing the issue that caused this. And he needs to work EXTRA hard to prove to you that he can be trusted and restore your trust.

 

But I will tell you something, bringing in a young girl into your household is like putting a bait on the hook and asking the fish not to bite. ESPECIALLY if you guys had lack of intimacy issues in your relationship. Were you sexually negligent by any chance?

 

Before you talk to him, wait until things come down to earth. You need to be calm, cool and have a mature/adult conversation with him. No anger/screaming/name calling,offensiveness or defensiveness.......

 

Good luck

[RainyCoast]

please don't believe his cheating is your fault.

 

were there legal arragements about your home being the girl's foster home? what is the legal age where you are? there could be legal reprecussions for his actions- a sexually uninhibited cheating drug addict is not a proper foster parent, nor is this dynamic a suitable living environment for an unstable youth, just saying.

 

is the girl out of your house? and him?

 

you say you know you can overcome it. and i think that YOU can. you two- i don't know. has he agreed to couples therapy and sought help regarding his drug addiction?

 

are you seekig help? your nurturing and caring nature may have gone too far- into martyrdom and victimhood, self-sacrifice at all costs. It doesn't change rotten people. It just enables them and puts you up for more mistreatment. Definitely seek help with setting boundaries if you're dealing with an addicted husband and have allowed the girl's excessive demands for material comfort to sink you into debt .

[MrWallFlower]

Now you know why this girl has no one

[Countrywide88]

The girl was actually really sweet. Her family that lived out of state always had nice things to say about her. Her mom left her behind so she could move out of the country with her loser boyfriend who was kicked out. I know this sounds crazy but I felt terrible for her because a lot of her moving was because she was so young and going from couch to couch. I knew her a few years before she moved in with me and she was always really a good person. This has taught me we are all capable of doing terrible things.

 

my husband and were still having a normal sex life. Honestly the only thing I can think of that was bad was financially we were starting to go in debt and he was stressed and started doing drugs. I feel if he never did drugs he would of never cheated. Another reason I think the drugs were a factor was because she was no were near that good looking. Everyone who knew what he did to me were shocked beyond belief. As for my husband he is clean. And she is completely out of our life. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.

[Countrywide88]

And no there was no legal arrangements she was of age

[Lester]

"What I can't get past is how could two people live around me knowing what they were doing like nothing happened."

- It was fun and felt good.

 

Don't pretend you can fluff-talk this away.

 

What to do:

1. If not already, the girl gets thrown to the street today. (Have someone help, throw all her stuff outside and change the locks)

2. Do the same to you're husband.

3. Contact a lawyer.

4. Read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let him see this book.)

5. Take time ALONE to decide if you still want to be married to Romeo.