Im 21, shes 29, Different stages of life

[Tears May Fall]

Ill try to make this as short as possible. For 6 months now, ive been seeing a 29 yr old woman, who is well established into her career for years now, and is VERY successful, has been married twice, has a 10 year old daughter(who really likes me and i like as well), and lives very independently with her daughter in her own very expensive house. She lives a very upscale lifestyle, making alot of money, and spending money as she pleases. She hasnt been working for the past 6 months or so, but claims she is still making money.

Me on the other hand, am a 21 yr old college student, finishing up my Doctor of Pharmacy degree, anticipating a graduation in two years, after which i will be making alot of money too, but perhaps not as much as her still. I pretty much work a few days a week rite now, making up whatever scrap change i can to keep myself going from week to week. I have no major responsibilities, still live with my parents, and the only main expense i have is maintaining my car. Another difference we have is, i live in the ghetto slums of new york, while she lives in a wealthy townhouse community in new jersey.

About two months ago, we decided to go exclusive with one another, however she does not call me her boyfriend. Things really got escalated from that point onward. Feelings developed, emotions were strongly involved, she began saying things to me i never imagined her saying. I didnt expect for me and her to get to this point, where we were feeling really strongly about one another, and really wanted to be a part of each others lives and didnt want to let one another go. All of her friends liked me alot too, and one of them even said he doesnt act or sound like your typical 21 year old. However her brother didnt like me but thats just because he's her brother and is going to be overprotective.

However, this past week, i believe she kinda snapped out of it and came to her senses, realizing she was getting way too emotionally involved with someone who wasnt at the same stage of life as her. She's like ive been looking for a new house to move to, ive been making investments, ive been really busy and have alot on my mind and dont see how i can fit you into all of this. She's like the past couple of months, ive been able to just sit bak and relax and live a very laidback life in which i can focus on us, but that cant remain forever. She mentioned to me, how she felt like being in a relationship with me was bringing her a step down in her life, that she doesnt really see being with me helping her in terms of living a better life, and that she doesnt know how she let this thing get this far. She even went as far as saying, i have my goals and me and my daughter will go forth with them alone, i will have my next bigger house soon amd i am opening a business soon and i will be making big moves, and i cant really incorporate you into that, and she even added how at this point, she has no intention of even being married again. She was going to break it off with me, but i kind of didnt let her and talked about alot things with her. I for the most part, never pushed anything upon her until this point and let her have the control of the pace of the relationship, because i didnt want her to feel uncomfortable, knowing she just recently came out of an unsuccessful marriage.

She told me what she found in me, was what her ex husband couldnt provide for her, regardless of how much money he made, which was a trustfull relationship in which she felt emotionally close to the individual. But this past week, she made it seem like all that didnt matter anymore, and she said "i care about you, but you have to put me in your shoes, and tell me how this is really helping me, being that i have a house, bills, a daughter, i dont need any more stress in my life, cause i dont see how you can help me move forward with my goals."

I was hurt terribly by this and in the end, our conclusion was to slow things down, to try to work out the practical side of the relationship, and then take it from there. That only time will tell. She said she will have to limit talking to me on the phone to only when she has time, because shes getting prepared to start working again and not living as laidback as before, and it wont be like it was a couple of months back. She also limited us seeing each other to maybe once a week, and that she doesnt want to allow me to get into her life so much. I think im ok with that, its understandable.

My thing is, i feel as though, our relationship was doing great, and then she just stopped and said HOLD UP, and i dont know how to take it. I feel as though with her ex husband, because he made a whole lot of money, she probably had no problem when they first met of letting him into her life and moving forward with him. I feel like crap, like im not good enough, because im at a certain point in my life. I can understand where shes coming from and if i put myself in her shoes, its all understandable, however, i just want to be given a chance, and that the only thing in my way right now is college and i have to get that out of the way first, but i wish she could understand that. It hurts that all this girl cares about is her money, and shes even verbally expressed that. I dont know where to let this relationship go next. I dont even call her much anymore, cause i feel like im violating her space. This is very uncomfortable for me. Can someone help me please? Thank you. If you need anymore further information, just reply and ask and i will be glad to provide it.

[DN]

she is more materialistic than emotional at the moment. Maybe because of her ambition, child, social status or whatever. And she says you don't fit into any of that.

 

Read your post over; she has told you everything you need to know to make a decision as to what is now in your best interests.

 

Which, if you need advice or another's opinion, is to split from her completely, initiate no contact, concentrate on your studies and, eventually, find someone on the same page as you are in a relationship.

[Mun]

I see alot of problems for the future if you stay with this lady. I'm afraid what she has told you is something you will never be able to get past.

 

Think about what is important to you.

 

It sounds to me like her priorities are very different from yours. I think you should focus on your studies and in time you will find someone who is more appropriate for you.

[lisica]

I feel like crap, like im not good enough

 

It's not you, it's her. She has got her priorities in life all messed up. Why does she want to have more money and a bigger house? Just to have more money and a bigger house?? So others can see how well she is apparently doing or what? Who or what is pushing her so much in this direction? Is it the way she is brought up, or does she want to compete with her ex-husband, or is it yet something else going on? When you tell her that all she cares about is money, what does she reply?

[Tears May Fall]

i havent ever told her yet that all she cares about is money, but i do feel that way, but am afraid of telling her so. Her reasons for wanting a bigger house or more money, im not so sure if its competing with her ex husband or friends, but its more that she came from a very poor family growing up in welfare apartments of brooklyn, and now shes just overwhelmly excited about her wealthy life. She's just too concerned about her own goals and wanting to CONSTANTLY climb higher, and her attitude with life that there is no level to ever settle at, shows that nothing is good enough for her ever, and that she always wants more, and thats why i feel the way i do, because i feel that attitude reflects onto me into our relationship as well. She is too caught up in her own things that she shouldnt be in a relationship, doesnt have enough time to satisfy a healthy relationship cause i believe to her a relationship is nothing more than a man's "company" when SHE needs it.