Your opinions on Cyber Relationships?

[SilverManic]

Okay I was just wondering genrally what people think of Cyber Relationships. I personally have tried it a few times and it has not worked. But I've heard of people that have met online and had a relationship online then proceeded to be very happy together and get married. I tend to keep online friends as friends and nothing more.

 

But a lot of my friends have said they love people online and I don't see how it's possible to really love someone. Sure you can like someone a lot and share their veiws, care about them and what happens to them.

 

I don't know it is just something I'm rather interested in and wondered what peoples veiws are on it.

 

~S.

[annie24]

I agree with you. Sure, you can agree with someone online and care about how they're doing. But, you can't love someone until you know what they're like face to face.

 

The thing with online stuff is, that we come up with a "fantasy" of what this person is like in real life. And then when we meet the real person, more often than not, they are not who we were hoping they would be.

 

My personal advice is that you have an online friend and they live in your city, go ahead and meet them in a cafe one day. But, you have to prepare yourself that things may not "click" as well in real life as they do online. If your online friend lives a few hundred miles away, don't bother. Focus on a relationship in your town.

 

Good luck!

[DN]

yet again, annie is right on.

 

The problem is trying to define the word love - it is impossible because it means different things to different people in differing circumstances. Anything that stirs the emotions can be and is described as love. And often people get confused because they feel some connection with someone they met over the internet; some emotion is felt, adrenaline kicks in and bingo! they're in love.

 

When they meet for real sometimes it works, mostly, I hear, it does not.

[Mun]

My opinion of online relationships is this:

 

You need to meet face to face and find out if there is something there worth persuing. Until then...its just entertainment.

[11flower]

You need to meet face to face and find out if there is something there worth persuing. Until then...its just entertainment.

 

Ha! That's great, Muneca.

 

11Flower

[11flower]

I think I still don't know how to use the little icons for replying. oooops.

 

Muneca, what you said should have been in the quotes. tee hee!

 

11F.

[11flower]

Honestly, I like what everyone said here about cyber relationships. But if I were to meet the person I had strong feelings for, chances are that what Muneca or DN said would come true; that is, that there would not be romantic attraction. But I do believe there would be the element of friendship based on the actual content of conversation online. So, friends it might be, because of the development of and nature of the communication.

 

11Flower

[RayKay]

My opinion is this...the internet is a great way to meet people...I have had GREAT experience with online personals and now live with a man I met through them...HOWEVER, I don't think you can continue an online relationship indefinitely....you NEED to meet, preferably soon, to see if the click is there.

 

I have online "friends" yes, but an online intimate relationship..well that is just silly in my opinion

 

When I started chatting with my current boyfriend we chatted online a few times, he asked me out and we met all within about a week. It is my opinion that you might as well find out if you click in real life as early as possible, otherwise, what is the point in building up expectations? So, when I met my bf, neither of us had an expectations..it was just a date to hang out, have fun, meet someone with some common interests and maybe find a new mountain bike riding partner. Well, we were both very impressed, and that impression continues to this day.

 

But I had been in instances where online they seemed great, but in person there just was not that spark, or they were not the same (I still met them early on though)....so there is potential to spend endless time building up a "relationship" and then meeting and finding out it is all wrong!

 

 

I do not think it is possible to fall in love with someone online. Not true, real love. I know there are going to be people who disagree with that, but love is built through interactions with someone in person, through learning all the nuances of who they are, how they react...not just by what is said over a computer or what kind of flattery is applied by either side. Love is built over time, quality time, spent together...you can love someone early on, but you still need that time spent together to learn who they are and create that relationship dynamic.

 

So if you meet someone online and are interested in meeting and think there is something there, I advise you try and meet within one week to a month or two depending on distance and other logistics and if you are to continue it if you are living fairly far apart, meet regularly and have a plan to be together at some point in the same locale...indefinite cyber relationships do NOT work.

[SilverManic]

indefinite cyber relationships do NOT work.

 

I just thought I'd quote it because that is pretty much what I think about cyber relationships too. Anymore? It's great to see others opinions on this.

[DN]

although ... different scenario really but has anyone read or seen 84 Charing Cross Road. It was a true story, but happened well before the internet, actually occurred during WWII.

[SilverManic]

No I hadn't seen it, what was it about?

[DN]

An author, Helene Hanff, living in New York just after WWII, ordered books by mail from a second-hand book shop in London, (Charing X Rd). What started as business correspondence with the manager, Frank Dole, became a deep friendship over the years, all by letter. They never met but she was devastated when he died and wrote the book, which became a play and then a film with Anne Bancroft and Anthony Hopkins. It was not a traditional romance but they had a deep connection.

 

Not the same as the post's question but illuminating nonetheless

[SilverManic]

hm no it's not the same as the posts question but I might have to see if I can rent that film out now... I'm intrigued...

 

Back on topic: Isn't it more of an illusion if someone has not met that person and says that they love them?

[DN]

bit of a tear-jerker but intelligent. The community theatre group I am a member of did the play a few years back. One of my favourites. The film is v. good but not as intimate as the stage play

[DN]

re illusion

 

yes, imo, but see my previous post about "love":

[Jaela]

I view online correspondance similar to pen-paling of the olden days

 

I can remember when I was very young, I used to write as a penpal to a girl in Africa, and a boy in Sweden. Through the years a deep friendship formed, although we have never met in person.

 

Cyber relationships are also a solid basis for building great friendships with great potential for more, but it's hard to see how a romantic love can fully manifest itself until a formal face to face meeting has happened. I do believe many people can get swept away in a fantasy, which is why i think it's good advice to meet a potential romantic interest as soon as possible before allowing daydreams to take over. Just my two cents.

[QTpie87]

doesn't work. never works. im so mad about that right now, this guy and me where like really really close friends, we talked for ever every day, in the matter of fact he goes here, wont mention any names of course, but he always told me he would always be there. we were actually dating.

he wanted to marry me and now guess what i never hardly hear from him at all. I told him i couldn't do it anymore if i never heard from him, he said he would start to communicate more, ha, didn't happen. so i broke up fast as i could. sucks, i really liked him a lot.

[SilverManic]

Most people have said that you 'must have intentions to meet' so admitedly if both parties are equally commited it can work out. It just seems that so many people are just in the relationship for 'a laugh' or genrally because they 'just feel lonily'

 

My opinions have kind of changed over the past few days. I think that online relationships can work but you need to both meet in person, be in the same area or even have plans to move to the same area in the near future. You can't really have a relationship compleatly over the interenet. Or not an intimate one anyway.

 

Does that sound about right or am I way off?

 

~S.

[RayKay]

 

My opinions have kind of changed over the past few days. I think that online relationships can work but you need to both meet in person, be in the same area or even have plans to move to the same area in the near future. You can't really have a relationship compleatly over the interenet. Or not an intimate one anyway.

 

Does that sound about right or am I way off?

 

~S.

 

You sound right on in my opinion! That is the same thinking I have (as I said in my post earlier in this thread).

[al7]

What do you all think: is it necessary for guys to talk on the phone first with a girl who he met online? or it is possible just to set up a date over the internet?

[SilverManic]

Yeah sure you could meet with out speaking on the phone first. I have. But that was just on a 'Friends only' bases.

[Mun]

I think it's a good idea to talk on the phone to set up the meeting date. This way you get her number and if you happen to be running late for your date you can call and let her know. Always try to get as much information about the other person as possible.

 

You also want to hear her voice and get a sense of the person she is through that, but only meeting face to face can you know for sure if there is something worth persuing or not.

[al7]

I think it's a good idea to talk on the phone to set up the meeting date. This way you get her number and if you happen to be running late for your date you can call and let her know. Always try to get as much information about the other person as possible.

 

You also want to hear her voice and get a sense of the person she is through that, but only meeting face to face can you know for sure if there is something worth persuing or not.

 

I have some preferences:

1. I dont like to talk over the phone especially with people I have never talk to yet. I have hard time to read her body language\emotions on the phone

2. My speech is not something great when I talk on the phone, cuz of my accent and sometime it is hard to hear a person due to cell phone noise\pauses if she speaks fast. Some people tend to mumble and in combination with that they talk on a cell phone which gives some noise and some little tiny pauses, it might be not very easy to get what she is saying... or for her what I am saying. I find it tough for the first real talk.

3. Some women dont like to give their numbers.

4. I feel 10 times better on a first date than talking on the phone for the frist time due to abovementioned things.

 

So question is: how would I set up a date without a phone convo in order to not to scare her off?

[annie24]

Al - It's easy. I've had several blind dates with men - we arranged it over the internet, not the phone. There were a few e-mails back and forth of "small talk":

 

"How was your weekend?" "Fun! I went to Chicago to visit some friends!" .... "I went to a really great movie this weekend." "I just got a new puppy this weekend." "How old is your puppy? What kind is he?"

 

And after a few e-mails like that, the guy would say, "Would you like to meet over coffee or drinks sometime this week? There's a great new place downtown I wanted to check out, or we can go somewhere else if you'd like."

 

Then, I'd write back, "sure - we can go check out that new place. How about friday at 8 PM?" Then he'd write - "Great! See you there!"

 

No phone needed.

[Double J]

Like muneca said, cyber relationships are just fantasy until both people meet in person. If you haven't actually met the person or even spoken to him/her over the phone, you might really be talking to a woman posing as a man or vice-versa, while you might be stirring with "feelings" that should never develop in the first place.