Breakup advice

[Robbie1]

Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum... Great site.

I'm having an internal debate regarding a break up. Sorry for the long note.

 

I'm male 51.

 

I've been seeing a girl for about 3 years. The first 2 were great but I always felt that she sometimes treated me poorly, but I overlooked because I was very attracted to her. This past year the disrespectful treatment reached an all new level.

 

I went to break up with her, but before that happened, I found out that the last year we were seeing each other, she was dating another person at the same time. A younger man.

 

Here's the problem. Although we didn't live together, 80% of the time with her I have been supporting her financial in a very substantial way - probably 35,000 over the last two years. You should know I don't care about the money...

 

In any case... I had asked her if she was seeing anyone, she said no. Her treatment was so poor... I went so far to ask her if she felt she was still my girlfriend... She tried to convince me it was my imagination. Well it wasn't.

 

In fact she wrote me a letter saying that as a couple we could overcome anything. That she loved me. While at the same time being madly in love with this other man.

 

She simply used me for money. The whole time.

 

Here's where I need advice. The other guy... Doesn't know she was "seeing" me at the same time.

 

A part of me wants to tell him... Show him the letter she wrote to me - and that she was with me at the same time. It will likely end his relationship with her. And it will devastate both him and her (she is head over heals for this guy).

 

Another part of me wants to just forget and move on...

 

What do you think I should do? Would love to hear from you guys... Thanks!

[Willywagtail]

Look, I think that her behaviour is appalling. This is not a once off, one night stand. This is an entire year of her being unfaithful, betraying you and living off your money.

 

This is a dishonest, unethical behaviour. I would suggest this isn't the first time she's behaved like this. She needs to account for her behaviour.

 

Of course you should tell the other guy. He needs to know and be forewarned. He may not believe you, but at least when things go pear shaped he'll understand.

[Andrina]

No, I wouldn't tell him anything. You don't owe a stranger anything. If you sabotage her, she may make your life even more miserable than she already has by her own taste of revenge. The sooner you move on and get her off your mind, the better. The garbage has been taken to the sidewalk. Let it be hauled away.

[kbbcoop77]

He'll figure it out on his own eventually. If she's a cheater and has such low character she can't hide that forever

[Robbie1]

Yeah.... I know I know... I just feel that she should not go scott free without consequence. It is criminal behavior to gain from such misrepresentation....

 

Thanks for the kind advice.

I will post my decision... Feels good to let it out in any case.

[TMifune]

For me it would depend on my motivation.

 

If I thought I was telling him to punish her, I wouldn't tell him.

 

If I thought I was telling him to genuinely spare him the pain of finding out later, then I'd tell him.

[Neleh333]

Hi Robbie, my first thought on reading this is that I would want to spare the guy, and spill everything, then again I try to be a logical thinker and understand that you could be the bigger guy here and just let it burn, the reason I say this is because we all eventually learn from our mistakes and we have all had a broken heart at some point and know how that feels, we shouldn't be the one to feel justified by telling others what this girl has done, I'm 100% sure they will find out for themselves, and if ever anyone tried to say to you, "why didn't you warn me" your reply will be who am I to get involved in someone else's potential happynes, but on another note if you can love the wrong person so much imagine how much you can love the right person is probably more to the point. Build a better future with the bricks she threw at you. That's the best revenge.