Chaos

[dearlybeloved]

Hi any help is much appreciated. I've been trying to figure this all out on my own and just can't do it anymore. Thank you.

So yesterday I ran into my ex. I didn't just run into him but found out we are enrolled in the same college course. For some reason this threw me for a loop. We were in the same intense college program for the last 2 years. During that time we dated. Things got messy. My parents didn't approve of him, mostly my mother, and I wasn't allowed to see him. We still snuck around but I didn't really consider us dating. He fell in love with me. I wasn't sure if i felt the same. Eventually we stopped things. I didn't want to sneak around behind my parents back. Around that time I was also introduced to my current boyfriend. Things were running perfectly between my boyfriend and I. I can say I know for sure I'm in love with him. Now everything seems to be happening at once. My mother no longer likes him since we've gotten serious. She thinks I can do better. It's gotten to the point where the relationship between my mother and I is deeply damaged. She is trying to control everything and I'm fighting back. This is stressing my boyfriend. He feels like he is a bad guy. My boyfriend also had a lot of other issues come up. He is having issues at work and might lose his job. He just bought a car and is inheriting a house. The house is a mess and is going to be expensive. We recently had our 6 month anniversary. I got him a couple of gifts. I don't have much money either. I just graduated and used about $35 of graduation money to get them. I also made him something. He didn't get me anything. I told him just driving 2 hours to see me was enough. He payed for dinner and dessert as well. Honestly I was a little upset. Not even a single flower? Something small and simple would've pleased me. Maybe he didn't feel like it was that important? He wasn't even sure about coming to see me that day until I asked how he couldn't. For some reason I thought about my ex who would've given me the shirt off his back when he couldn't afford another one. This guy made me food and dessert often because I struggle with weight issues. One time he bought me a candy cause I had said I was craving it and we had a major test that day. So now that I run into him I don't know how to feel. I'm confused why he always seems to be part of my life. We can't seem to get away from each other. He also has his whole life together. I feel like mine is a mess. I don't know what to do. Maybe i should just go back to focusing on me? It's just that my current boyfriend makes me really happy. I haven't been this happy in ages. But when I was with my ex we were in an intense program under a lot of stress so it wouldn't be fair to say he didn't make me happy. I was very unhappy in the program and he was a good distraction. What do I do?

[j.man]

You sound like you're trapped in a high school freshman's mentality. Why does your mother have so much say in your life? And you're upset because this guy didn't bring you a flower after driving two hours to see you and paying for dinner and dessert for something as little as a six-month anniversary? And the other guy is in the same intensive program as you. It's not because Cupid pulled some strings that you two happen to share a class now.

 

I'd stop investing myself in relationships, look to your program, and take some time to mature your perspective.

[DoF]

First off, this is FAR FAR FAR from chaos. You are over exaggerating.....extremely. Actually it seems quite simple and fairly normal to me.

 

Here is what you do.

 

Stay away form your Ex completely. No communication at all, if he starts talking.......you can say hi, but that's it. If he persists, ask him politely to stay away from you.

 

YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Leave your ex where he belongs, in the past. Also your ex getting you desert/food when you have issues with it, is not smart or healthy FROM HIM. And you should see this as a red flag, not a good thing. There is a reason you are not with him. Forget him completely.

 

Meanwhile, you are focusing on your current boyfriends little quirks to try to justify going to your ex. IGNORE YOURSELF ON THIS!!!

 

6 month anniversary? Really? That's some middle school/high school type of thing. Cherish and be happy with your current boyfriend for what he does DAILY, not what he gets you for some holiday or event.

 

EVERY DAY is what matters.

 

Focus on yourself right now. If you do have weight issues, work on them and be the best person you can be for your current boyfriend.

 

Yes, life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs. Your current boyfriend might have some trouble, but this is what makes or breaks the relationships. Are you going to ditch him at the first sign of trouble or are you going to support him and get thru it together?

 

#2 is what great partners do.

 

Good luck

[dearlybeloved]

Thank you for your reply. I guess I needed some harsh advice.

I've been sheltered all my life and relationships are still new to me. These are the only 2 guys I've been involved with. I had my first kiss at 19, first real relationship at 21. I am pretty behind mentally when it comes to relationships.

The program is over but anyways you're right. Thank you.

[DoF]

Thank you for your reply. I guess I needed some harsh advice.

I've been sheltered all my life and relationships are still new to me. These are the only 2 guys I've been involved with. I had my first kiss at 19, first real relationship at 21. I am pretty behind mentally when it comes to relationships.

The program is over but anyways you're right. Thank you.

 

Completely normal for someone your age.

 

I recommend you study/read "5 love languages", this will help you a LOT. Wish someone gave me that advice when I was 19....