boyfried two times me, denies it and then dumps me

[HBA11]

Hi all

 

I wonder whether you could shed some light on my situation. I am having a tough time understanding what has happened and need some honest opinions on the matter.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years. At the start he was very charming and caring. We've had some serious lows and highs during this time but have always managed to make up and stay together. In the last few months we have been planning buying a house together and starting a family. All very much lead by him. We were the best we've been in a long time.

 

Then, two weeks ago I found out from one of his family members that he has been seeing another girl and hanging out with her a lot. I was devastated and completely heartbroken. I confronted him about it and he flat out denied it saying he wasn't seeing anyone else and that I should trust him. I told him that if he wanted to date other people it was fine to do so but to let me know so that I don't waste my time on us if it wasn't what he wanted. Again he Reassured me saying he wanted the relationship and was only seeing me...we discussed house buying towards the end of the conversation.

 

After the phone call something still didn't feel right. I was able to join up a lot of missing pieces together based on what he had said and his availability and behaviour in recent weeks. I came to the conclusion that he was lying so text him the next day to say I was letting him go.

 

He did not take this very well and said I would come to regret my decision. I thought I'd call him so not to end our time together via text. This was a mistake, whilst I was calm he became rude and called me names. He said it was time to let me go and that he would never contact me again, he said his feelings for me had changed and he no longer found me attractive as I had gained weight. He also told me his mother didn't like me which is how he knew we never had a future together. I asked him why he had not walked away sooner or told me the previous day when I gave him the opportunity. No real answer. He said I deserved better and that we're too different.

I asked whether he wanted to remain friends but he turned this down saying we had nothing in common and should just get on with our separate lives. He asked me never to contact him again and the would return the favour.

 

Afterwards, I text him and kindly asked that he blocks my mob numbers from contacting him via phone /whatsapp (messaging app) so that if I ever get tempted to contact him the messages would never reach him. He said that he would do it straight away......almost 2 weeks later he still hasn't blocked me, but claims he has deleted my number. I have reminded him a few times to block me but he just responds with laughing emojis. I've since stopped all contact with him.

 

I am at a loss as to why he did this, why he was making life plans with me but seeing another girl (who by the way he is now dating). Also why won't he block me even though I have asked him to. Is it so that I can run back to him in the future or am I reading into it.

 

Any thoughts are welcomed. Thank you in advance for your time and help.

[sentiententity]

My thoughts are that he is an untrustworthy jerk. Keep up the no contact.

[DoF]

Get as far away from this guy as you can....and never EVER look back.

[annamonrrial12]

Ugh.... sounds like my ex!!! Sorry hun. Keep your head up and stay strong

[HBA11]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I know I shouldn't but I feel very crappy. If feel so embarrassed that I believed all his lies and that I stayed for so long. I can't believe I've been replaced like that and that our future plans were just a dream. That's what he said when I asked why he wanted us to buy a house together "it was just a dream".

 

I feel so used and hurt and embarrassed, he has been bad mouthing me to his family and friends claiming I am a psycho and stalk him....all of which isn't true. I think he got caught and the guit (if he has any) is making him act out and distance himself from his actions by blaming me for things going wrong. Still denies dating the girl to me although it's now common knowledge.

 

If he is happy with someone else and I am a psycho and stalker, why not block my number to ensure I never contact him again?

[ParisPaulette]

Simple answer, because he could. You're trying to ask why someone is an a$$hat when the fact is those exist. The bottom line when you went to break up with him it hurt his ego. He acted like a little boy who has two cookies when his mommy gave him one and she then takes the second cookie away. So he pitched a hissy fit, said some nasty things to hurt you and boost his ego, then walked away.

 

Stop asking him to block you. It boosts his ego to know he still has two women on the string, even if one of them is just pining for him. You block and delete him everywhere and move on with your life. The fact is this isn't on you. He's a liar and a cheater and wanted to be able to bang two women and play you off each other. Or he was holding on to you as backup if things went wrong with the other woman.

 

And anyone who calls you names, I don't give two flying Fs what the circumstances are, is someone who doesn't love you and doesn't deserve you. Again, the guy acts like a freaking two-year old caught out then pulls the whole "I didn't want you anyways" routine. "I didn't want that cookie anyways, it had dirt on it and tasted yucky."

 

What an immature selfish jerk. And frankly I'll bet he's been cheating on you since day one too. Some people don't handle guilt very well and they definitely don't handle being responsible for their own actions. Stop trying to ascribe sanity and emotional maturity someone who never made it past the two-year-old mentality

 

Block him, delete him, move on. You deserve better and once they call you names it's done. They will always after disrespect you and be hateful and that's not someone who loves you. You deserve far better than this jerk, so get free. In time you'll see there were a ton of red flags you ignored or explained away, but they were there. Learn from the experience and if he comes crawling back you'd be really smart to tell him you don't associate with people who call you names. He can go do that in a schoolyard somewhere since you're only hanging out with adults. Then you block him again/slam the door in his face/get on with your fabulous life.

 

You deserve much, much better and you can do much, much better. P.S. this guy would make a terrible friend. Friends don't call you names and lie to you. If he were really not cheating his reaction would have been one of concern and he would've been working to clear it all up, not playing the indignant baby caught out with the extra cookie.

[HBA11]

Thank you ParisPaulette for you message. You are absolutely right about everything here. I do suspect he probably has cheated from the beginning. He comes from a family where this kid of thing is okay. His father has 20+ children from different women and his older brother has been hitting on for as long as I've known him despite now being married to someone else. Major red flags!! But from the beginning he told me he was want that kind of guy and with nothing to base it on I had to give him the benefit of doubt.

 

The name calling was a big blow and specially the comment about my weight and I feel he only said it to hurt me further. He was kissing me and telling me he loved me a couple of days before this all happened so at what point did I stop being attractive?

 

Just very confused as to why he was still denying his new relationship even though we were finished. Why do you think he's done that?

 

Also, I know he probably enjoys that I asked him to block me and isn't doing it because he would love another opportunity to hurt me in the future if I was ever dumb enough to contact him. I'll admit I've struggled to block him myself...I think for 2 reasons a). I want him to contact at some point in the future expressing some remorse for what he has done and take responsibility and b). I want him to come running back only for me to turn him down.

[HBA11]

I do feel sad that I invested 4yrs of my life and the reason I had suggested friendship was purely for it not to have been a complete waste.

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.