Ashamed of my weight.

[RainyCoast]

it's just a sensitive age to be.

 

sometimes adults are excessively centred on body image and it reflects negatively on their teen but i don't think that's what happened. mum and aunt probably meant "whoa she's growing up/looking more adult/feminine ect" in a positive way- although i definitely understand the frustration of having it pointed out!

 

when i first started to go through changes i was very annoyed by a great deal of family members or even neighbours and acquaintances (some of them simply retarded and others well meaning) commenting about my body- it felt unsolicited. i didn't feel like where i was emotionally matched my physical development. i was starting to grow the tiniest rack-it was new, not wrong, but awkward, i was unused to it. and bang i was hearing everyone point it out or telling my mum wow Lilly another year or two and you'll be worried she doesn't elope with a guy (whatever that meant). i mean, i resented being...sexualised i think. like "i'm 15, i'm not there yet, when i hit that phase, trust me, you'll know. i am, however trying to accept the changes i'm going trough so if you're not helping please don't make me more conscious of them. nubmer two, i don't feel grown up. i'm not yet sure i feel...sexual...so if best you can do with a teenager is put their hips and breasts under scrutiny then you're the one with a problem". i was equally sensitive of remarks that were meant as praise, simply because i still needed to adjust to efects of puberty before i could be comfortable discussing my body. until then, it felt like an invasion almost. i'm sure if rather than breasts it was about a bit of weight i would've felt similar. for a while it was really annoying- but it passes. i wonder whether they'd have been more careful with their words if i told them that was just a topic i was still sensitive about.

 

it's great to exercise and eat healthy. it's not helpful to feel like you need to burn off every single thing you eat though. Try to culivate as many other things you're proud of as well. drawing, math, singing, friendships, whatever you're passionate about. To gradually shift your focus from the number on the scale. If you're enjoying yourself or feeling like you live with a purpose a slight shift in weight won't seem like a disaster and the concerns about your weight will gradually downsize to involve the health-related aspect only. If you continue to get more comments than you're comfortable with you can try gently reminding your family that you understand they didn't mean anything bad but that it's a little uncomfortable having the body changes pointed out while they're still fresh and you're still getting used to them. They may just be very supportive and reassuring if they're told they unintentionally hit a teen-sensitive spot.

 

If you know healthy looking women exuding with happiness- ask them about their experience with how they perceive themselves! I think they'd be happy to share a few secrets to liking themselves, and reassure you that everyone feels somewhat body-awkward at that age. I like Paris' point about just admiring the body for the amazing instrument that it is! I remember when my mother was terminally ill. A stunning beauty, she was in tremendous pain, skeletal, exhausted, thre was nothing about her body, it's functions or appearance, that wasn't tortured by her illness. I remember one nurse in her hospital who left us both frustrated- it was a slightly curvy lady commenting on my mother's cancer cachexia, while at the same time whining how "fat" she was. I wanted to cry. We both tried to say something like "lady, you're not fat, be grateful you're healthy" but all she could say was "at least you're (my mum) not fat like i am". my mother was starved and dying. this lady didn't get the blessing of being healthy, she thought dropping a few pounds was a priority. we just went silent and then changed the topic...A little while after, when mum could no longer get up on her own, i was helping her sit up. it was very difficult, she didn't have the muscle to support her in the upright position even if helped up. And i remembered all the times i was critical of my own appearance. a grey hair here and there. lack of thunder thighs. my old teenage insecurities...and swore i'll never think like that again. my body could get up. it could walk. it sometimes hurts but nothing like what i saw other people hurt. it can run very well and is capable of expert kicks, yoga positions and some damn demanding irish dancing. it was good and strong because it helped me care for someone who didn't have the same luxury. but mostly, it was perfect because it was a fairly loyal vessel to carry me through life. THAT was what bodies were meant as, i thought.

 

Sorry this is so long, i meant to explain that, in most cases, time and life and experience themself will show us a kinder perspective of our bodies than puberty has to offer. You'll maybe come to appreciate your body with just some support, fun activities, good friends...ButiIf it persists, I think you should definitely try a few counseling sessions. With your awareness you could easily be guided in the right direction and a body-positive approach so don't hesitate to ask for a bit of help if you ever feel like it's overwhelming or like you can't stop worrying about your weight on your own.

 

I think all of us sometimes look at the pics from our youth and wonder how the heck we could find fault with that adorable young person.

 

(pores. it was pores for me, that's it. i hated pores lol! )

[Capricorn3]

OP, have you ever considered professional counseling/therapy? I think you would greatly benefit from therapy as it seems there are a number of issues you need help with and I don't think you can sort it out on your own.

[Man with Dog]

I think most of us are body dysmorphic to some extent. Many men hate being bald. I hate my big nose and grey hair.

 

Just about nobody is the ideal weight and body shape.

 

Despite this, most people pair off and most of them have children.

[Dottieflanogon]

5'8" and 120 pounds is still very skinny. If you have a naturally skinny frame, 130 pounds would still be better. Trust me when I say that you'll look better. The most beautiful thing in the world is health. People have the (mistaken) notion that skinniness is healthiness.

[Willywagtail]

Your thoughts are one of the first things it's important for you to address. They tell you you're 'not thin enough'. In reality you know this isn't true but they persist.

 

So challenge them. It will take a while for them to shift because its become a bad habit, like biting your nails. The thoughts may come from a sense of low self esteem, so no matter how thin or beautiful you were - it would never be enough. Acknowledge this.

 

It takes a little practice to do this, but when you hear yourself comparing yourself to others, or hear yourself telling yourself you need to lose weigh - stop, and in your mind, challenge that thought. 'I don't need to lose weight, I'm really good the way I am'. 'I am a good weight for my height'. These are things you might say to yourself.

 

You know ithat the thoughts are wrong. So tell them that they are. Keep at it - it takes a while to break a habit. In the meantime, be fit, eat well and look as good as you can. Treat yourself to some nice clothes and wear them knowing you look good. Focus on good thoughts about youself and challenge the negative ones.

 

You may still have some intrusive negative thoughts. We all do. Accept them rather than believing them. They are just thoughts after all, they are not you.