I really want to move on, but I don't think I will ever fall in love again

[dabei]

We were together for nearly 4 years LDR. He lost feelings and ended it 4 months ago. He still cares about me just don't love me anymore. It wasn't a bad break up. then one month LC. Three months NC. I was getting better but I still hoped he would come back. I wish I didn't holding on to those false hope.

 

Recently I found out he's with someone now. He said he was low and lonely for a long time. I guess this girl cheered him up. I'm really sad because I know we will never be together again. I really have to move on. But I don't think I could ever fall in love with anyone. I don't think I could build a connection with anyone. I don't think I will find someone who is sincere and sweet as him. I don't think I will find someone who will love me as much as he did..

 

I can't see a future with anyone else..

[Nevermore31]

You have to take it easy on yourself. It's still a fresh wound and you need time to heal. It feels like that because you are emotionally attached to him. It is very normal to feel this way. Everyone went to a break up feels that they won't find anyone special or they won't find love again. It is completely false. Those emotions what you are feeling won't last long. You need to learn from the experience and look forward to the future. Also trust me.... you will be even a better version of yourself and come out of it stronger. I am saying this because i went through this and i am being a better person way before. It was my first love and my first long term relationship. Focus on yourself and become who you want to become! Set goals on your life and be excited to what comes next!

[Hollyj]

How often did you see him?

[Willywagtail]

I can't see a future with anyone else..

 

Once you process the grief and your wounds heal, you'll 'see' things very differently. It will take a little time.

[dabei]

Thank you for your reply. May I ask you how long did it take for you to get better and be over it?

Also, I don't know what to look forward to the future. I've got a stable job in my city, a high school teacher. I don't hate it nor love it. Feel like my life won't go anywhere.

[dabei]

I live on the other side of the world. We see each other every summer for 2 months. Talking on webcam every day. We had strong connection and were on the honeymoon stage for 2 or 3 years. But the past year, we lost passion and it seemed sparks were gone. We haven't seen each other for a year. We were planning for him to come to my country this summer. He's on his last year of univ and his study was very stressful. Gradually he fell out of love. He still cares about me, but doesn't love me anymore. I didn't talk to him for 3 months, secretly hoped he might come back.

Now I don't expect to get him back anymore. It was false hope, supported me through the past 3 months NC. But now, it crashed.

I really want to move on. It's just now I feel broken again, like 4 months ago when he broke up with me.

[eldasensei]

What Nevermore31 says is true.

 

I would not have believed it either, in time you will get over this. Even if it's your first love. In my case it took me a very long time to get over but most of it had to do with my childhood upbringing and my insecurities. The breakup just triggerd everything. I had no other choice but to deal with them or else history would've repeated itself again.

I advice you therapy if your grieving is taking too long. But something tells me you'll be fine with or without it. In the meantime you'll reflect and learn from this for the future.

 

TL;DR, you will get over this and won't be having the rose tinted glasses. Hard to believe right now, but it's true. Time really does heal.

Somedays you'll feel like you're over your ex. But there will be setbacks, and you might feel like you're back at square one. You need to be patient.

 

In dutch there is a saying: Geduld is een schone zaak.

Patience is a virtue.

[Knot2loud]

Well, if he loved you that much, he wouldn't have left you. Then, there's always a chance he'll come back. If not, I'm sure you'll find your knight in shining armor again someday.

[dabei]

Well, if he loved you that much, he wouldn't have left you. Then, there's always a chance he'll come back. If not, I'm sure you'll find your knight in shining armor again someday.

 

I know he doesn't love me anymore. I accept it. It's just I feel all the other guys are not as good as him. I don't think I can be attracted to other guys.

I feel pressured, too. In my country, women getting older are hard to find a good man, as most guys prefer women younger or at the same age. I'm afraid when I get over this, it will be too late for me.

[Hollyj]

This is why LDR do not work. They are fantasy. You do not know this person. You need to interact on a regular basis, not via computer.

 

You will find someone, we all do. Look for someone local, not on the other side of the world.

[dabei]

This is why LDR do not work. They are fantasy. You do not know this person. You need to interact on a regular basis, not via computer.

 

You will find someone, we all do. Look for someone local, not on the other side of the world.

 

Each year when we saw each other in summers, we lived together for two months. I lived in his family for a while and he lived in my family, too. I don't think all the four years were just fantasy.. But I admit that LDR is hard and he has fallen out of love while I am still dwelling on the past. I know I should move on.. It's just this recently knowledge of he's being with someone already, whom I know was his close friend for 2 years, really hurts me. It's not just a rebound relationship. I feel like being dumped again. I'm back to square 1.

 

When he broke up with me, I hoped that one day he would realise he still love me and come back. Now I realise that was just false hope. This time is harder.