Alcohol - Deal Breaker?

[wilyone 11]

I don't drink alcohol. For whatever reason, I never started and I don't have any plans to start anytime soon.

 

Is not drinking a deal-breaker for you?

 

I don't mind if other people enjoy an alcoholic beverage on occasion. I don't mind hanging out at a bar if that's where people I care about want ot hang out. I don't do anything to make anyone uncomfortable but I've been told that the simple fact that I don't makes people feel judged.

 

Should I feel limited to people who don't drink if I start dating?

 

My ex-husband was a heavy drinker and it caused problems in our relationship.

 

After leaving that situation, I met someone who didn't drink at all. At first I thought it was great, but I ended up not liking it and it was one of the reasons I broke things off.

 

I couldn't help but feel judged when I ordered a second glass of wine. I'm sure he didn't mean to, but he would frown slightly. I felt like an out-of-control lush, when I actually am very self-disciplined, and got straight A's in college. For some reason drinking around him made me feel bad about myself, and I enjoy relaxing with alcohol after a long week of work.

 

Also, I'm a bit introverted and find it easier to talk to people and bond with them when we've both had some alcohol. If I were an extrovert, it probably wouldn't have been an issue.

[Batya33]

I drink very little because I have such low tolerance for alcohol. I enjoy good wine. I would not date someone who regularly got drunk or get in a car with someone who drank but no judgments. I don't think you have to date non-drinkers and I don't think you have to try it. Even in my 40s I was judged for drinking so little - only once -but another woman -also a mom of a young child asked me something about getting drunk and I shared that I've never been drunk (that is partly because I used to be phobic about throwing up) -and she said loudly and a bit sarcastically "Oh I feel so sorry for you". So, ignore the rude comments or looks and do what makes you feel comfortable.

[saluk]

People will judge you for anything, literally anything. It's weird how much we want to have a say in someone else's experiences. Oh you don't drink? Why wouldn't you want to experience that? Oh you drink? Why would you want to intentionally make yourself stupid? (That used to be my line, hehe).

 

If you really have nothing against it, and want to give it a try, I would recommend getting some mike's hard lemonade. That's what I started with and it barely tastes like alcohol. I drink some wine, cider, and if I'm at happy hour I will have a beer (though I haven't found one I actually like). I go out with people from work and definitely feel a little weird if I don't get a drink - yet I still only get a drink maybe 2 or 3 times a year. It doesn't do too much to me, and I get to feel like part of the group.

 

On the other hand, I wish people in general would be OK with someone not wanting to experience any given thing. But for some reason the experience and behavior of other people is really important to us.

[Fudgie]

OP, if you don't want to drink, don't. Not a big deal. As long as you're not acting all weird around people drinking it's not a problem. I drank around my last ex who didn't drink and it was fine.

[Misskitty16]

I drink and I am happy to date a non-drinker. If I am dating someone who is recovering, I will not drink in their presence out of respect. If you are a non-drinker, it's simply personal preference whether you want to date a drinker or not. But as a drinker myself, that certainly is not a deal-breaker for me. I find it admirable.