in need of guidance...from anyone

[emma34]

I need advice/just to vent...it seems right now that

nobody in the world could possibly be experiencing

as much pain as I have had to go through in the last

three months. Yet, I was the one who broke it off with

my boyfriend, whom I had planned to marry, so added

guilt for the fact that I know my ex is feeling

more or at least as much pain, although he has delt

with it much quicker. I just don't know what to do

with myself. Every moment that goes by, my

thoughts are completely consumed with debate

about whether or not I should reconcile with my ex. Deep

down I know I could never spend the rest of my life

with him, but I am utterly lonely, and certain

qualities (being needy and basically basing his life around me)

that he had, are looking very attractive. I need some

sort of guidance...some sort of hope.

My question is: right now my thoery is that you never really stop

feeling lonely and sad from a break up until

someone else fills that void - whether it be a month

or two years...yanno. Once you've tasted love,

you really can't be without it. Is this true? I've

only truly been in love once, and I feel that right

now the only way I could ever become fulfilled again

is with a new man, that would have to be better

than my ex. And if please anyone could give me

some advice as to how I should recover from

this kind of thing. And how long am I going to feel

this way?

[Sexychiick16]

I know its not easy to just let go , but u are strong and i know u can do it. When i was "in love" I came to find out i was only "in lust"...Theres a big difference or is there? anyways i can see u are hurting right now by reading what u just posted. I feel for u. You should try gettin u mind off of it by giving urself one on one attention. You cant love somebody else until u love urself. It sounds to me u think u "Need" a man who can level up to ur ex.

^

^

Thats exactly what i posted a while back. Is there anything u like to do like dance , sing . run. p;ay sports of any kind...Join a club? Go out with ur true girls...Have a sleep over with ur girls...Umm...Theres one method i chose was no contact...It worked little by little. Family is a big comfort when it comes to this and it always got my mind off of my ex by spending some qaulity time with the people who i love and love me the most. Try to surround urself with ppl who u trust and love.

 

I hope this helped some....

[boredguy]

the only way I could ever become fulfilled again

is with a new man, that would have to be better

than my ex

 

This is a theory that never really works. If u try to replace the void with someone new, it only ends up hurting you and the other person. the best thing to do to fill the void is to fill it with 'you' fill it with things you like to do. u need to spend time with yourself doing the things you like. it should help u get over your ex. also the fact that you know u could not spend the rest of your life with him, will help u get over him.

knowing that both he and you will eventually find someone who is more right should help as well.

PM if u need to talk

[sonjam]

It sounds way easier than it acutally is. But it is true that if you fill the void with a new man, you will only end up in another unwanted relationship, hurt yourself and the other guy again.

 

hard as it is, try and get yourself to feel better by trying to improve your life. Go out with your friends, have a good time, join the gym, workout, study, anything. Soon you will be so busy doing new and exiting things, you won't have time to sulk about what is lost and could have been, and before you know it all of this will be a fond, but distant memory.

 

You are not alone, millions of people go through the pain of a breakup, even though it feels to each and every one of them that their pain is worse than anyone elses, that their relationship was more special. This is part of life, in forming your caracter, and your life.

 

If you are able to focus on your for awhile, you will find you become the person you are meant to be. Fall in love with YOU for a change!!

 

Good luck, and remember, we are here if you need to talk.

[Kaia]

I agree with the above posters so I don't have much to add.

Except that I'm in a similar situation as you right now. I initiated the break up with my ex (of 3 years) 2-3 months ago, I've since trying to busy myself with friends/family/anything but recently I felt the void too.

 

Finding another man as replacement is not a solution.. I had that chance too right after the breakup but I'm glad I chose to ignore that option because I would just end up hurting another guy.

 

Sorry my reply turns out to be more about me than about you

but I'm determined to get through this depressing time. Just remember the reason you broke up with him, it wasn't because of a moment of anger or frustration, it's because you can't see spending the rest of your life with him like he can with you. You did what was right and what is fair to him. Just focus on that thought and rediscover your life without him.

[peanut15]

You do stop feeling lonely even after a break up. I've had my heart broken many times and believe me, it really doesn't stop even when you get married...I wouldn't be posting here if that were the case. But I used to date this guy for almost 2 years and he talked about marriage but ended up breaking it off with me. It was extremely hard to get over and it took about 6 months or so but it can also take longer than that to recover if that was your first love. It all depends. But after that break up, it did take me a while to recover but I moved on and I had a lot of fun. I went on many dates, decided to go to grad school, meet new people, make new friends, etc and I didnt feel the need for a new man in my life until I was ready. It was when I didn't feel lonely that I felt it was time to move on.

[berserk]

Heres all you need to do. Sit down and think to yourself is this the man i want to be with for the rest of my life and love and care for forever ? if the awnser to that question is yes for sure then do whats in your heart and get him back. And theres no reason to be lonley. Try to go outside or excercise or run somethign to get rid of the stress. Someone once said "your always alone you just have to love the person your alone with (yourself)". Just remember you cant give away what you dont have without love for yourself you cant give away love to anyone else.

[southpaw]

As a reformed serial monogamist I can say from personal experience that no, you don't need to fill the "void" with a guy. I would classify myself as a serial monogamist from 16 to 23. I had two 3+ year long relationships in there, so you can see I didn't spend much more then three months alone before hopping from one relationship to the next. I managed to get through about 7 boyfriends in that time period. After my last relationship ended I vowed to take a break from serious dating for a year, mainly to see that I could actually do what I always assumed I could. I've now been single for about 6 months, but I was still really hurting after 3 months (I think that's where you indicated you were). I knew what was good for me and what the "right thing to do" was, but it was still hard. Anyway, I always felt that I didn't really need a guy but was troubled by how quickly I moved from relationship to relationship. I questioned the depth of my relationships (even though I'm still good friends with most of my exes) and our objective compatibility (seems unlikely that I would find all these good fits so quickly together). So if you decide to wait for something really special, you may have to deal with harder issues then making other people love you. You might have to figure out exactly what you believe in, what you want out of life, where you're headed, how you're heading there and if you even like yourself. Any of those questions can be tough depending on the person. I had trouble with all of them but the last, I was shamefully narcissistic (probably still am).

Anyway, serial monogamy was fun but it got old after a while.