CJ88 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 My gf and I have arguments about our needs not being met in our relationship of 2.5 years. She feels a lack of intimacy and was "tired of asking" all the time, felt frustrated, and stopped trying for the past couple of months. She tells me I am a great partner in all aspects but intimacy, because she feels disconnected even though she is attracted to me. From my point of view, I want to spend time with her emotionally and let intimacy follow. I don't feel like a priority, in her life--she has no time for me. At first our relationship was great until our break last year. We ended a lease and live apart, now. She is busy with school and work, which has "limited" her and she doesn't have time to go out together. I always had to drive to her so I could take her out when she could afford the time. This month I thought it would get better, since she is off from school. In this month alone, she spent two weekends with her friends and a third by herself. This is the last weekend in June and she already has plans that don't involve me. My question to her was--how am I supposed to get into your pants if I can't even get through your front door? I will be starting a graduate school program this fall, and while I'm comfortable managing school/work, if she can't help to make time together, we will never see each other. At the end of our argument, I told her we both have things to work on, for us to survive. She has to work on following through with her plans to spend time with me, and I will work on being more romantic and kick up the "spice of life." Are we doomed? Should we just end it, now? This was the essential problem in our break last year--it seems like a circle that goes nowhere. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Same problem from a year ago and nothing has changed. I would say you are just spinning your wheels and it's time to call it a day. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 At the end of our argument, I told her we both have things to work on, for us to survive. She has to work on following through with her plans to spend time with me, and I will work on being more romantic and kick up the "spice of life." How did she react to your comments to her? I dont know if you are doomed but it's not looking good. You seem interested in keeping things going, her not so much. Link to comment
CJ88 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 She said our compatibility + no intimacy= friendship status, to her, and that has "already mourned" me from the break last year. I just made my case by telling her how I feel, and then it turned into "I don't know." ------------ At the end of our argument, I told her we both have things to work on, for us to survive. She has to work on following through with her plans to spend time with me, and I will work on being more romantic and kick up the "spice of life." How did she react to your comments to her? I dont know if you are doomed but it's not looking good. You seem interested in keeping things going, her not so much. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 It's done. She no longer sees you in a romantic light. Link to comment
CJ88 Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Thank you for the reply, @mhowe. We used to be playful and all smiles. Is it not possible to get back to this, ever again? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 You two may be very nice people, but put together, completely incompatible. Time to part ways. Even if you don't want to, it seems that she is truly out and done. In other words, trying to cling on longer is really just wasting time that you could be spending meeting someone who is more on your level in terms of needing more of an emotional connection. Link to comment
CJ88 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Update: Things ended, this past weekend. She may have already mourned, but I will need time. I felt as though all of your comments were prophetic, so I thank you for that. Link to comment
CJ88 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 What do you do, when you both wanted things to work between two nice people who care about each other--only the flame wouldn't burn? Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 You accept it is over, and in time you may be able to be friends. That isn't right now though. Link to comment
CJ88 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 Things ended between us at the end of June and I've made lots of changes my life since then...but just a couple of weeks ago, I received a letter in the mail from her. It said some things like--I'm sorry, I leaned away from you instead of toward you...something bad has happened and I tried calling you...I'm surprised you're not taking my calls...if you still feel the way about me when you gave me this necklace (from about 2 years ago) then tell me...I miss your laugh but now it seems distant and hard to recall...etc. This letter never addressed how things might be different, if we sat down together. That's what I was really interested in. I'm skeptical to start things for a third time, when the previous two times I felt neglected and not a priority in her life. How do I know this will just be a repeat, or if she intends to change her outlook? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 She is just upset you have blocked her. She is yanking your chain. There is no reason to believe she has changed, or that anything would be different. Link to comment
.thumb.jpeg.44db4c04df92b9d233296a0149430b4d.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.