My Ex and Her Fits

[NightWind]

I'm having trouble understand what is happening here, my ex and I broke up about 4 moths ago... She didn't want to but, I had lost my feelings towards her (we dated for a 1 year 2 mo).

 

Since we broke up, I pushed her away because most of the time she clung to me or when she stopped doing that it seemed like everything she did annoyed me. I never snapped at her about anything, I just kept it all to myself which was the right thing to do.

 

However, since then, my ex's best friend (also my good friend) has told me that she just gets so angry at things I do and will get so mad at me. I've been acting my fun self and I have been doing nothing intentional to upset the girl, the odd time I make attempts to talk to her but, we never get into a conversation.

 

She never tries to talk to me, yet she tells my friend i'm always ignoring her... This isn't true... Here is an example of what happened the other night.

 

A group of people and me went to a movie. Before that we wached a rented movie at someone's house. It was a great time, I was having fun we were all laughing. When we were waiting for the movie to start, my ex ran off to the bathroom for like what seemed to be forever.

 

Afterwards I asked her best friend what was wrong and she told me that my ex was completely pissed with me (I dont know why!) even though I have done absolutely nothing but be myself.

 

Later my friend told me that my ex was getting angry so she told her "Look *name*, you have done nothing but snip at every thing the boy has to say!" and then appreantly she ran off crying.

 

Can someone help me out here? To boot, she has a crush on my best guy friend... I dont approve of it but I'm not going to stop it from happening if they should choose to date.

 

But I dont understand any of this, I'm going to talk to her and find out what her problem is but i'm not sure how to approach it. I can't just say "what the hell is your problem, get over it"...

 

THanks

[Azure13]

Its not that easy to be friends with someone who you used to go out with especially if you still have feelings for that person and they dumped you. Just like how she can't change the fact that you don't have feelings for her, you can't change it if she can't just be a regular friend to you anymore. It might be weird to her cuz you used to be so close to each other and now you're not, and she can probably sense that you get annoyed by her even if you try not to show it, thats probably why shes getting mad.

[caramellabacix]

Listen, I'm not saying I agree with what this girl is doing, but I can totally understand where she is coming from. For over a year, you have probably given her most of your attention whenever you were in her presense. Since you're the one who broke up with her, than it is going to be much harder for her to get over you than it was for you to get over her. Now that you are no longer a couple, when she sees you treating her like nothing more than a friend (especially after all the times that you've shared together) she feels extremely hurt. She probably thinks it's unfair that you treat her just like everyone else when the two of you have a history together. The only thing you can do in this case is not hang around her until she has a chance to fully get over you. I know you are friends with the same people and that this will be hard, but until she is over you it's going to be hard for her to be around you without bitter feelings.

 

To me, her "crush" on that other guy is just an attempt to get you jealous in order to win you back. She figures that if you see her flirting with other guys that you will get mad, and any attention she can get from you will make her happy since it seems like she isn't getting much of your attention anymore.

 

I'm not blaming you for anything though, you aren't doing anything wrong. Just try to put yourself in her shoes. Say you were still in love with a girl who acted completely indifferent to you, even after all the times you've spent together. Not a good feeling, huh? Just give her time, and try not to be around her too much. That's all you could do.

[NightWind]

It sure isn't easy to put myself in someone elses shoes...

 

It's been 4 months, about a month after we broke up she stopped clinging to me and everything seemed to be fine and dandy until... These sorts of things started to happen... You'd think after 4 months, she'd get the idea that we're just friends...

 

I still have to talk to her so I'll find out tonight but, thanks for your info, it gives me a bit of an idea of what I maybe should expect.

 

I've loved a girl whome acted completely indifferent to me... It hurt for a few weeks but... "No doubt, never look back" thats how I try to live my life so I got over it pretty easy.

 

Anyways, thanks again for your help

[caramellabacix]

For some people, four months is not enough time to get over someone you cared for for an entire year. Odds are, after the first month of being upset and realizing it wasn't getting her anywhere, she tried acting as if she didn't care as well. Then she realized that that wasn't getting her anywhere either. Get it? Talking to her may help you realize why she acts the way she does, but it is not going to help her get over you. Only time can do that. Good luck!

[annie24]

I agree with carmella. If you're still hanging out with your ex as "friends," it makes it harder to move on. Clean, hard breaks are the easiest and quickest.

 

I've heard somewhere that a "rule of thumb" as to how much time it takes to get over someone is half the time you dated. Maybe that sounds extreme, but it's pretty true with me.

[NightWind]

lol I get it... you sound angry with me I"m a guy making an attempt to figure out a girl, is that not a good thing? lol

[annie24]

No no no no! Not angry with you at all! I totally understand where you are coming from. I think that you did the right thing in breaking up with her. We're just trying to explain her "little fits."

 

I'm in a similar situation right now. My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago, almost 2 now, but I don't go anymore to group friend events if he's going to be there. Just so I can avoid feeling jealous or hurt. I know myself well enough not to bother trying to be "friends" with an ex if there are still some feelings of hurt there. Maybe in the future, I'll go to those parties even if he's there. But, not until all the emotions are gone.

 

Like carmella said, if you're with someone, and you spend all this special time together, and you get demoted to 'friend' status, you're going to be hurt and have 'crushes' on his friends.

 

I don't think you're doing anything wrong in the situation. She's just extending the hurt on herslef by trying to make you jealous and stuff.

[DN]

I don't think annie was angry. Just being empathetic to you ex. who is going through a rough time. She wasn't implying it was your fault.

 

This is a problem when you date in your social circle - easy and convenient when you are dating but awkward when you break up.

 

You ex is going through a tough time but cut her some slack. Whatever you do is wrong in her eyes (other than begging to get back together!!) If you stay away from the group she will accuse you of ignoring her plus she will get blamed for driving you away.

 

Just be as kind as you can, don't react to any outbursts or say anything hurtful. Hopefully she will get over it soon and you can both move on.

[DN]

annie: another rule of thumb for when to resume dating again is one month for every year of dating. Personally I think it depends on how you cope within yourself.

[annie24]

he he he - Thanks DN. Actually - I've already started dating again. Yes, dating again is a good idea. I just don't think I could go to a party and watch him hit on another girl in front of me. Or listen to him talk about some awesome new girl he met. The day I feel I could go and see that is the day that I'll be 150% over him. That's when I'll go back to the parties.

[DN]

The best "revenge" on an ex is being happy again. The best thing is that you don't care any more if they even notice, because you are too busy being happy!!

[NightWind]

Thanks for all your help everyone!