Really cant make my girlfriend finish

[hooodoo]

Hello.

 

Before I even begin, please do remember that I have read countless forum posts and threads about this topic. Writing a thread myself is my final hope for an answer.

 

So, I cant make my girlfriend climax. I think I am pretty awesome at sex, but yet during our 1,5 years of relationship she has never come. I am 19 and she is 18. My penis is pretty very much above average, so that's not a problem. We communicate always about feelings etc., sometimes have sex for more than an hour, sometimes many times with small pause intervals. I usually start with fingering her or rubbing her clit as she likes for 2-5min, then I either eat her out for 5-10min or continue fingering her with the "come-here" method. Then I penetrate. I'm not trying really hard always, because I know that she wont come anyway, but sometimes I go for 20+ minutes. She also rubs her clit when we have vaginal sex for extra stimulation. What she says about it is that at some points she thinks she is going to come, but then the feeling just disappears. She moans a lot, sometimes screams, she is pretty exhausted after sex, sometimes gets emotional. One thing to note is that she had never really masturbated alone (sounds freakin weird, but she wont lie to me, especially about this). Also, she has never had an orgasm, she cant achieve it herself by masturbating. Nevertheless, her clit is pretty sensitive and sometimes I can rub it for 10+ minutes until she is almost shaking, but still cant finish. Also, she often has this white creamy stuff coming out of her vagina, which I read, means that she is very aroused. We use condoms, no pills. She is always calm and relaxed, and aroused when we do it. I read that you have to stop making "the cumming part" the most important part of sex for her, so it can just happen naturally, so we also dont focus on it that much anymore. I told her to be relaxed, to feel every cell in her body during sex and tried to empty her mind of spare thoughts, but as you understand it gave no results either. She is STD free, goes to gynecologist at least twice a year. When we have sex, we usually kiss, I sometimes bite her (she loves that), so during penetration its not just stiff ing, but also that.

 

And please don't post answers such as "Maybe she really doesnt have to climax, sex can be very good even without orgasm blabla". - I know it, Im here because I want to know the answer to my question.

 

Do help,

Thanks.

 

Ray Hoodoo

[Zuri]

I RARELY can have an organism from anything but oral. I think I am very normal. I suggest that you do that to her THEN (without pressuring her to orgasm) then have intercourse. If I'm pressured then forget it.

[Andrina]

Try a vibrator. Mostly every woman can eventually orgasm with one. Then at least she can get some practice on how to achieve it one way. It usually takes at least 15 minutes of oral for it to happen. Maybe you haven't gone long enough. Vary the pressure and see what she responds to best.

[ndnd05]

I just recently discovered how to climax with clit stim. I'm 24 lol tell her to keep trying or watch some porn while she does it. Maybe if she can figure out how to orgasm by herself she can orgasm later with you. If she plays with herself enough like her boobs while she bates eventually those areas will get sensitized to orgasms

[toby17]

First, if your aim is to make her come, try just oral sex. Just as you get to that point when you think she's close to coming, pause for 5 seconds and then start again, get her close to coming again, and then pause for 5 seconds and then start again, do this about 4 or 5 times, then go for it - i.e. gentle but constant pressure.

 

As a lesbian, can I just say two things. I don't think a woman should have to stimulate her own clit when you're having sex - that's your job. Second, rubbing a clit continuously for 10+ minutes sounds painful - there's a fine line between stimulation and too much pain. Remember: gentle!

[Hollyj]

I RARELY can have an organism from anything but oral. I think I am very normal. I suggest that you do that to her THEN (without pressuring her to orgasm) then have intercourse. If I'm pressured then forget it.

 

I agree about the oral.

 

Few women have orgasms from intercourse.

[intheferns]

I have a very hard time climaxing through penetration. Like it's only happened a handful of times in my life and I'm in my 30s. Recently we tried the vibrating egg placed on my clit while having sex - it's small so it just sort of sandwiches between us so it's no problem. Wow, feels amazing for both of us and I came pretty quickly. I'd recommend trying some toys.

[hooodoo]

Thank you very much for your answers.

 

Just to mention, I've done oral to her for quite long time, but for me it seems that it is less pleasurable for her than penetration or fingering. I've read much about how to give a woman an oral sex, I've asked her, if Im doing good there and if she wants me to do it differently, but she just says that it feels very good anyway. Nevertheless, she moans far less than during penetration or fingering.

 

I understand that you say that for some women it is hard to climax during penetration, but does it mean that it is hard to climax with fingering or massaging clitoris too? And when we have vaginal sex, it sometimes looks like she is actually having a climax, judging from her screaming and facial expressions, but again - she says that when she thinks she is about to climax, the feeling just disappears.

 

In response to toby17 - thank you for your advice, will try that both with oral and vaginal sex. About stimulating clitoris - it's just easier for her as for most of the positions I cant access it myself. In addition, I cant do it that gentle when having to thrust all the time. Finally, about rubbing clit, I really am gentle enough, it's easy for me to read weather she enjoys it or not, and she always tells me if Im making too much pressure.

 

If nothing works, I guess Ill have to buy a vibrating egg or whatever. Nevertheless, Id feel quite sh**ty about if I cant make my girlfriend come without toys, so I best would like to try everything else before.

[pippy longstocking]

what your heading should have said is

 

"my girlfriend can't make HERSELF finish"

 

it is not the job of our partners to make this happen , it is our job to know our bodies , what we want , what works , give gentle instructions , experiment ourselves to know ourselves and then have a shared experience ...

 

as someone said ..she needs to wack on some porn get a vibe out and go for gold .

[hooodoo]

what your heading should have said is

 

"my girlfriend can't make HERSELF finish"

 

it is not the job of our partners to make this happen , it is our job to know our bodies , what we want , what works , give gentle instructions , experiment ourselves to know ourselves and then have a shared experience ...

 

as someone said ..she needs to wack on some porn get a vibe out and go for gold .

 

Ive told her to masturbate when we are not near, but I dont think she does it. I guess I want her to climax more than she wants it herself. She likes sex with me very much even without the coming part, so she doesnt really care about it that much, but I agree that it is her job to find out how to do it. I just feel a bit bad being the only one coming. Also I want to improve my sex skill as high as possible, and the thing that I cant make my gf climax is a big obstacle for that.

[hooodoo]

Forgot to add, I dont get how watching porn will help. At least for men - the more porn you watch the less aroused and stimulated you will usually be during sex.

[pippy longstocking]

well I mentioned porn because I like watching it as a release ... come on ..I am 48 ,I have ran every damned scenario through my head and every story possible .. I need a quick fix haha seriously the visual of sex can be very stimulating .

 

It sounds like to me that she has a block maybe .. everything you described is saying she is almost there .. and she doesn't quite make it ...so you are doing everything "right" for her ..

 

but I have also noticed just with your wording that you are indeed seemingly trying to be the perfect lover with an almost clinical approach with all the reading up etc ..not that thats not good , you want to be in tune with yourself and with your lady .. you want it to be an experience not a chore and you want both of you to enjoy ...so I am not knocking you down ..but now you need to let it go ...just have sex ..not another word .. you are telling her to enjoy the very act of lovemaking and allow her body to feel it all ..and that is great honestly .. but now ..don't say anything ..just have sex ..no thinking , no talking about it ..just two people enjoying intimacy ...I think now the pressure is on her block has become more steadfast .

 

I am telling you now .. a wholeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lot of men feel like they have failed if their g/friends dont "finish"

[hooodoo]

I know everybodys gonna judge me for this, but I dont really feel good about her watching porn. Well if she wants to, then OK of course, but I dont really want to suggest that. Also, she seems to get very excited about me masturbating, so maybe I can better to that.

 

Yeah well, I was thinking the same as you are saying. In fact, the reason why I wrote this post is that for 5-7 months I told her to forget about the orgasm, just enjoy sex, the climax will come eventually, and everything just as you said, but now that its been some time, I'm really losing hope about it. I still think there is some kind of block though, I dont know why. She has a pretty emotional personality, maybe thats got something to do with it.

 

Ive read somewhere on the internet (so of course it must be true) that some women just cant climax when they are that young. If that is true, Im hoping that after a few years her endocrine and reproductive systems would stabilize, and then it could maybe happen to her.

[pippy longstocking]

yes the whole porn thing is another debate hahaha and as you know it gets tossed around on here a lot ( no pun intended)

 

you did make me chuckle when you said "Ive read somewhere on the internet (so of course it must be true) "

 

It took me a whole lot of experiences before I managed it with a man , but solo I was doing fine on my own , so I don't know really about the age thing , but I do know that there are women who just can't .. there are a huge huge percentage who only can with the help of a vibrator on the clit when they have intercourse but mainly it's oral that does the job .

 

Try not to worry too much , and deffinately try not to let this affect you as a man so to speak ..don't take it as a personal slur on your performance because you sound like an attentive and enthusiastic lover . She certainly enjoys sex that is clear ..so just go with it and I am sure one day she will just explode

[happy_snapper]

So what is your question?

Hehe, Don't worry, I know what you mean. I just found it funny that you didn't actually ask a question, but you want the answer to it.

 

My girlfriend has a hard time finishing too.

Maybe it's because I'm older (although definitely not more experienced), but I have managed to come to terms with the fact that I'm probably never going to get her to climax during sex, but that she enjoys every minute of it anyway.

 

The funny thing is that, unlike most women I've heard from, oral doesn't really do it for her. She says it feels nice but it doesn't really push her buttons. The best we've found, is when she masturbates while I kiss and touch her other erogenous zones . She usually will end up climaxing, but not always. You just have to try things and work it out yourselves.

 

Once I realised that the only problem was my insecurity, I was able to let it go. The climax isn't everything.

I can't make her finish, but she says I'm the best lover she's ever had. I consider "my job" during sex, is to giver her as much pleasure as I can, and I reckon I do my job quite well.

[hooodoo]

Well.. at least I can make you chuckle I really hope that it is possible for her to experience the feeling. I want so see her without breath, mouth wide open and shaking from pleasure, that would really turn me on too. Neither can she squirt of course. Anyway, thanks for the awesome answers, will post here if it happens someday.

[hooodoo]

I noticed that too, but I don't really know how to edit the post after you make it, so..

Actually your idea about her masturbating, while I kiss her, touch her erogenous zones and so on seems nice, will definitely try that.

About insecurity.. I honestly dont feel insecure. If I had little penis, I would be very insecure; although, I know that big penis is not vital for good sex.

[Baily]

I'd say buy the rabbit...buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz her to climax. Don't start with it and don't let it be the focal point. do oral and apply the rabbit...if you just use the rabbit and only that and try to get her off she probably won't because her mind will be too much on the object. You gotta make it as it's just a fun toy we are bringing in...not the magic tool that's going to make you cum. If you focus on 'I bought this so you could finally cum.' Her mind is going to lose it and it'll never happen.