Some reassurance around no contact much needed

[MStowe]

Hi there,

 

I'll keep this relatively brief if I can. I had been dating someone for a brief period (four or five months) and we had a wonderful time together. We talked about the future and had many passionate and romantic times together (incidentally a gay relationship).

 

He ended it as he was not ready for a relationship at the current time - due to a past relationship he couldn't deal with being vulnerable so soon.

 

I accept this and need to take his word and not question or dig deeper around this (to also protect myself from further unnecessary suffering).

 

However, a week after breaking up he messaged me, telling me how he was 'going into social destruct mode' i.e. pushing everyone away. And the next night he messaged saying 'it feels like so much has changed within a week

 

I believe in holding no contact, however in a moments weakness, I messaged him saying I missed seeing him and he replied saying 'lets catch up this week' but there has been no follow through. He also likes all my posts on facebook and sends me messages most days (talking about very everyday things) plus sometimes pics of himself.

 

I know deep down that these are just messages and I should not read into any of it, because none of it suggests action or a desire to meet up and rekindle anything.

 

I care very much for him and know I should go no contact as much as I can. However I'm scared that if I don't send the odd prompt he will completely forget about me.

 

Any reassurance here around how no contact is definitely the best way forward would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you so very much.

[MStowe]

I should probably add, that I also understand that the primary role of NC is to heal, not to woo an ex. But guess this is still quite raw for me now.

[Hollyj]

You shouldn't read into it.

 

Every time, you respond, he gets his ego stroked, as he knows you're still hanging on. You also do not want to be his unpaid therapist, or listen to him talk about the new people he's dating - it is incredibly selfish behavior when these people do this to us.

 

My ex was the same way. He did a bunch of future faking, and as soon as I returned his supposed feelings, he bailed. Very painful and cruel. I think these people are aware they cannot take the relationship forward, but take as much as they can get, before it becomes too real.

 

This guy is a waste of time, and will continue to do a number on you, If you allow it. He is not emotionally available!!!

 

Block him from all forms of contact, and move forward with your life!

I also suggest you go to link removed

[Hollyj]

I should probably add, that I also understand that the primary role of NC is to heal, not to woo an ex. But guess this is still quite raw for me now.

 

I think you should address why you would want to woo someone who lead you on, and caused so much pain.

[Hollyj]

I'm confused!

 

You were not being honest in your threads. You've only known this guy for three months, and you were having problems a month in. You've known that this was not going anywhere.

 

The writing is in the wall. Move on.

[musicman777]

Regardless of sexual orientation I think you need to cut all contact. That is the whole point of "no contact". People never seem to realize there is a "block" feature on Facebook which utterly prevents you from seeing or hearing anything from people you don't want to. The more you keep messaging and reading his post, the worse you are going to feel every time he doesn't recant your feelings.

 

I went through a tough break up years ago with a girl and the best thing I ever did and pat myself on the back for is initiating "no contact" all by myself. I blocked her on Facebook and my cell phone and did everything humanly possible to make this person non-existent in my life.

[Draven8]

I'm with him on that. I let it get to the stage I had a break down and eventually had enough, then strict NC. That's the day you will start putting yourself back together.

 

It's a long road sometimes

[MStowe]

Thanks all for the very honest posts. Its hard to hear but I know this isnt good for me and NC is the only way to heal. I've cared very much for him and my heart wants to be with him still but I need to try and be more rational.

I've unfollowed on facebook and instagram and will soon follow up with the rest once I have the courage to do so. Taking it day by day as I'm quite fragile.

 

Thanks so much for the support.