BIG NC BACKSLIDE

[sleuth222]

I blew it.

 

He called and left a message saying he was missing me.

I calle dback and it was no surprise--he was a complete mean bastard.

I really need some inspiration to get back into NC. It really works. I feel so low, like I'm just back at the start.

[annie24]

if he was a complete mean bastard, why do you have the urge to contact him?

 

Don't worry girl - you're on the right track. Just go back to NC! As you said, it works!

[sleuth222]

i keep thinking it's best to take the high road, be civil and return calls.

 

my idea of a 'mean bastard' might be exaggerated.

 

but he is very aloof and doesn't call me back when i've called to say i'm missing him

 

then he calls adn says 'hey i thought it would be great to hear your voice.'

 

but when the moment has passed it has passed.

 

i really relaly need to get the hell away from him===i think i'm still in shock becuase I NEVER understood people who said 'he totally changed. he was like a completely different person.' i was always thinking 'these people must pick psychopaths...!?'

 

now i've got that same feeling. it's like he's another person.

[annie24]

forget "high road" and "civil." If you don't want to talk to him, just don't answer his calls. Do what feels right for you. I wouldn't waste a lot of time trying to make a person with "split personalities" happy.

[DragonGirl724]

you didnt BLOW ANYTHING. listen ur getting over something its natural JUST DONT MAKE themistake again. NC is for YOU to heal & no other reason but that! understand that ok!! so if he calls & if u feel hes gonna make u backtrack when u know u wanna move forward then dont answer his phone. let him think whatever he wants to think. dont be at anyones beckoned call in life ever. unless its loving friends & family who need you. but def not an ex. free him from your mind. keep yourself occupied. the less you speak to him the better youll feel. dont use NC to 'get him back.

 

if youre thinking NC will bring your ex back read this:

link removed

 

then read my reply to this member on page 3 (big paragraph @ the bottom):

link removed

 

take care & dont beat yourself up over everything, but also dont make the same mistake either, learn from it.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

i keep thinking it's best to take the high road, be civil and return calls.

 

my idea of a 'mean bastard' might be exaggerated.

 

but he is very aloof and doesn't call me back when i've called to say i'm missing him

 

then he calls adn says 'hey i thought it would be great to hear your voice.'

 

but when the moment has passed it has passed.

 

i really relaly need to get the hell away from him===i think i'm still in shock becuase I NEVER understood people who said 'he totally changed. he was like a completely different person.' i was always thinking 'these people must pick psychopaths...!?'

 

now i've got that same feeling. it's like he's another person.

 

i understand your frustration annoyance & sense of betrayal. i felt it all too at first. it blew my mind how someone can 'pull a 360 like this' etc...i bold faced a part in your post b/c you said 'he totally changed' i heard the same thing about my ex. his mom even called me a couple of times & told me how 'hes not himself' both b4 & after breakup. you know what i think it is...

 

i could be wrong but i can only speak from experience..

 

he didnt 'totally change' hes been this way all along & its just NOW that hes showing who he really is....you just didnt know it.

 

im sorry you were left so high & dry but you know what. we all get burned in life. but scars heal. if anything, feel sorry for them. they are stuck being the jerks that they are for the rest of their lives. you at least can walk away from them. be happy theyre out of your life. and be proud of who you are & what you stand for. and take that confidence with you every day of your life. the right one will come along in time, dont worry yourself over any guy right now. just focus on you. its about time. you owe it to yourself. you wont believe how much better the view is from this side. 8)

 

keep your head up,

 

-DG724

[HajiMaji]

Id like to agree with dragon girl. I promise you arent back at the beginning, dont think like that girl!!

 

Man, i was just writing in another thread that over christmas i had a run in with my ex and that brought back lots of memories!! Oh geez it was nuts! Anyway so i felt bad for a while but i had learned so much from the previous few months that i was able to heal deeper and faster.

 

Everytime you get sad about your ex think of it as a chance for you to heal a little bit more! I know that seems wack but its sorta true. Each time your heart feels the pain of loss, its just holding on to something still. You cant just magically "let it go" all at once. That takes time and its all you gotta do.

 

You seem like you are in a good position! Feel whatever you are feeling now. Dont dwell or try to make sense of it, youll go insane.

 

Much support. Going through pain is in some ways a gift. You always turn out better at the end! Feel free to PM me if you feel like talking!

[sleuth222]

thank you dragon girl and hajimaji! i mean it. especially today because a lot of time has passed and guess what? i 'blew it' again. last week--and it was an ugly interaction. i found out by some ridiculous six degree of separation thing that he was 'dating' before we really broke up, and i went crazy.

here's the thing: i am NOT losing all the benefits that NC has had for me (it was never designed to get him back; i totally believe htere is nothing on eperson can do to make the other person love them. period.) anyway, now I'm only on day 3 of NC again after having had a good few weeks of it.

But i'm stronger, better, smarter, and I'm not letting my head run crazy. I was imagining him dating lots of gorgeous women 10 years younger than I am -- blah blah blah.

That's not my business, or my path.

the support here has been amazing.

thank you--even for the tough love.

[DragonGirl724]

good way to think sleuth.

 

if youre angry that you contacted him...now you know what not to do again.

 

take care.

 

-DG724