sleuth222

thank you dragon girl and hajimaji! i mean it. especially today because a lot of time has passed and guess what? i 'blew it' again. last week--and it was an ugly interaction. i found out by some ridiculous six degree of separation thing that he was 'dating' before we really broke up, and i went crazy. here's the thing: i am NOT losing all the benefits that NC has had for me (it was never designed to get him back; i totally believe htere is nothing on eperson can do to make the other person love them. period.) anyway, now I'm only on day 3 of NC again after having had a good few weeks of it. But i'm stronger, better, smarter, and I'm not letting my head run crazy. I was imagining him dating lots of gorgeous women 10 years younger than I am -- blah blah blah. That's not my business, or my path. the support here has been amazing. thank you--even for the tough love.

i keep thinking it's best to take the high road, be civil and return calls. my idea of a 'mean bastard' might be exaggerated. but he is very aloof and doesn't call me back when i've called to say i'm missing him then he calls adn says 'hey i thought it would be great to hear your voice.' but when the moment has passed it has passed. i really relaly need to get the hell away from him===i think i'm still in shock becuase I NEVER understood people who said 'he totally changed. he was like a completely different person.' i was always thinking 'these people must pick psychopaths...!?' now i've got that same feeling. it's like he's another person.

I blew it. He called and left a message saying he was missing me. I calle dback and it was no surprise--he was a complete mean bastard. I really need some inspiration to get back into NC. It really works. I feel so low, like I'm just back at the start.

Not if you really loved each other and one person did something dishonest.

hi hecka becka remember me? you are doing a great job. I slipped--and after a month of finally feeling better, I slipped. My old boyfriend called "because he was stuck in traffic and thought it would be nice to hear my voice" he's seeing someone, I know, I can tell but that's not the point. I got totally sucked in and of course calle dhim back after I got that message. And theeeeeeeeeeen, when I got him This is so predictable..... He had no time to talk to me, very busy on his way out. He was very mean. I can't believe I broke NC. I also can't believe your boyfriend didni't tak the time to respond. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO SURVIVE THIS. you are doing a good job.

OK I'm making my list. I'm going to try not to go tomorrow night and try NC. I don't know.........this is really hard.

I don't know either except of course (and i know people who have done this) paid up on their lease and gone to a friend's couch or their parents house. that is too long to stay there. can you sublet to someone else? at any rate, you are doing things really wisely. he sounds like he should remain an EX. as for NC, I just don't know how it works in that situation

yes actions do speak louder than words and while he said he missed me he hasn't emailed or called in a month without my prompting it. that's a strong statement no? he didn't even send a christmas card. i pushed for tomorrow night's meeting. i don't think his wanting to go actually constitutes adn action--if i asked...............you know?

I have two questions--you all have been a huge help in recent days btw. ..thank you. last long post I PROMISE One is whether the people who report getting back together following long periods of NC--are those relationships possibly based on the other person's fear of losing the person who was good at doing NC even though it was really hard for them (like us, the people on this forum) -- what I mean is those relationships seem to me that they could be based on the other person's fear of losing the person forever--and relationships like that, i know, don't last. Two--I have done a lousy job of NC. Now my ex wants to meet (at my request) tomorrow night to talk. He says he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. If I were giving advice to myself, I would say that anyone who says they are confused is not going to give me what I want in a further conversation. Sorry for long post. I'm wondering if I should go. The truth is that I have not forgiven him, and am not sure when I can, for posting an online ad--a personal ad--when we were having serious problems, even though he didn't communicate wiht anyone or go on dates, etc. I'm thinking I should say 'It turns out I don't knwo what I was looking for in suggesting we get together' and cancel. Advice?

what if you blow the NC thing ? and totally go crazy adn then get your brain back==how do you then back out of a date you sent to 'talk'

i know all that, i think it comes with age..that is a very helpful email. i just can't seem to apply it this time. this is crazy. i've sent all these emails likle a lunatic. and now i'm seeing him sunday night i asked if we cold meet and he was like oh yeah, tentative sunday. i don't know how to NOT go now wihtout looking like MORE of a lunatic!

I know better. I know better. please forgive this long post; i need a reality check from you people! I know better. Seriously, I really do know that when someone says "I'm confused." they mean "I'm so confused I cant even be trusted to be kind and honest in this situation, and I don't know if i Love you anymore and you should run for your life unless I come to your house someday bang on the door and say I'm no longer confused." but I am really going in for the long version on pain here. we had a great time, then we had a bad time, then we fought, then i told him on thanksgiving i thought it wasn't working, then i went away for 2 weeks, foudn out that before I had even gone away, he had posted an online ad -- a personal ad--he said he was just clowning around with friends, which is absurdly immature (he's in his 30's and has been divorced) anyway, he said please please don't break up.so i didn't. so i get home and he has decided yes, indeed, he is confused and couldn't say he did, or didn't, love me. i know--run like hell. instead, i'm seeing him sunday night. i don't know what i expect. it's ridiculous. i can't seem to let go even though i think i'm just headed for more pain

time to let go and let god, as they say. you are not that powerful. he needs real help and has other friends. get out of the way; I agree with all the others.

i realized right after i posted that you were 15. i'm sorry. i think if you show up and are kind and honest, but take care of yourself and don't try to figure out what he's thinking and judge him only by his actions (if they are kind and honest) and keep busy with your own friends and school and things you lilke to do, then in a few months you will either be friends--or not. most likely you will be. at 15, you can probably be friends again, especially if it wasn't a long term relationship. it is very unlikely in every other situation under the sun. and that is the truth, from an old lady.

turkish delight may have stoled the show here. that is quite a story.