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sleuth222

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Everything posted by sleuth222

  1. sleuth222
    thank you dragon girl and hajimaji! i mean it. especially today because a lot of time has passed and guess what? i 'blew it' again. last week--and it was an ugly interaction. i found out by some ridiculous six degree of separation thing that he was 'dating' before we really broke up, and i went crazy. here's the thing: i am NOT losing all the benefits that NC has had for me (it was never designed to get him back; i totally believe htere is nothing on eperson can do to make the other person love them. period.) anyway, now I'm only on day 3 of NC again after having had a good few weeks of it. But i'm stronger, better, smarter, and I'm not letting my head run crazy. I was imagining him dating lots of gorgeous women 10 years younger than I am -- blah blah blah. That's not my business, or my path. the support here has been amazing. thank you--even for the tough love.
  2. sleuth222
    i keep thinking it's best to take the high road, be civil and return calls. my idea of a 'mean bastard' might be exaggerated. but he is very aloof and doesn't call me back when i've called to say i'm missing him then he calls adn says 'hey i thought it would be great to hear your voice.' but when the moment has passed it has passed. i really relaly need to get the hell away from him===i think i'm still in shock becuase I NEVER understood people who said 'he totally changed. he was like a completely different person.' i was always thinking 'these people must pick psychopaths...!?' now i've got that same feeling. it's like he's another person.
  3. sleuth222
    I blew it. He called and left a message saying he was missing me. I calle dback and it was no surprise--he was a complete mean bastard. I really need some inspiration to get back into NC. It really works. I feel so low, like I'm just back at the start.
  4. sleuth222
    Not if you really loved each other and one person did something dishonest.
  5. sleuth222
    hi hecka becka remember me? you are doing a great job. I slipped--and after a month of finally feeling better, I slipped. My old boyfriend called "because he was stuck in traffic and thought it would be nice to hear my voice" he's seeing someone, I know, I can tell but that's not the point. I got totally sucked in and of course calle dhim back after I got that message. And theeeeeeeeeeen, when I got him This is so predictable..... He had no time to talk to me, very busy on his way out. He was very mean. I can't believe I broke NC. I also can't believe your boyfriend didni't tak the time to respond. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO SURVIVE THIS. you are doing a good job.
  6. sleuth222
    OK I'm making my list. I'm going to try not to go tomorrow night and try NC. I don't know.........this is really hard.
  7. sleuth222
    I don't know either except of course (and i know people who have done this) paid up on their lease and gone to a friend's couch or their parents house. that is too long to stay there. can you sublet to someone else? at any rate, you are doing things really wisely. he sounds like he should remain an EX. as for NC, I just don't know how it works in that situation
  8. sleuth222
    yes actions do speak louder than words and while he said he missed me he hasn't emailed or called in a month without my prompting it. that's a strong statement no? he didn't even send a christmas card. i pushed for tomorrow night's meeting. i don't think his wanting to go actually constitutes adn action--if i asked...............you know?
  9. sleuth222
    I have two questions--you all have been a huge help in recent days btw. ..thank you. last long post I PROMISE One is whether the people who report getting back together following long periods of NC--are those relationships possibly based on the other person's fear of losing the person who was good at doing NC even though it was really hard for them (like us, the people on this forum) -- what I mean is those relationships seem to me that they could be based on the other person's fear of losing the person forever--and relationships like that, i know, don't last. Two--I have done a lousy job of NC. Now my ex wants to meet (at my request) tomorrow night to talk. He says he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. If I were giving advice to myself, I would say that anyone who says they are confused is not going to give me what I want in a further conversation. Sorry for long post. I'm wondering if I should go. The truth is that I have not forgiven him, and am not sure when I can, for posting an online ad--a personal ad--when we were having serious problems, even though he didn't communicate wiht anyone or go on dates, etc. I'm thinking I should say 'It turns out I don't knwo what I was looking for in suggesting we get together' and cancel. Advice?
  10. sleuth222
    what if you blow the NC thing ? and totally go crazy adn then get your brain back==how do you then back out of a date you sent to 'talk'
  11. sleuth222
    i know all that, i think it comes with age..that is a very helpful email. i just can't seem to apply it this time. this is crazy. i've sent all these emails likle a lunatic. and now i'm seeing him sunday night i asked if we cold meet and he was like oh yeah, tentative sunday. i don't know how to NOT go now wihtout looking like MORE of a lunatic!
  12. sleuth222
    I know better. I know better. please forgive this long post; i need a reality check from you people! I know better. Seriously, I really do know that when someone says "I'm confused." they mean "I'm so confused I cant even be trusted to be kind and honest in this situation, and I don't know if i Love you anymore and you should run for your life unless I come to your house someday bang on the door and say I'm no longer confused." but I am really going in for the long version on pain here. we had a great time, then we had a bad time, then we fought, then i told him on thanksgiving i thought it wasn't working, then i went away for 2 weeks, foudn out that before I had even gone away, he had posted an online ad -- a personal ad--he said he was just clowning around with friends, which is absurdly immature (he's in his 30's and has been divorced) anyway, he said please please don't break up.so i didn't. so i get home and he has decided yes, indeed, he is confused and couldn't say he did, or didn't, love me. i know--run like hell. instead, i'm seeing him sunday night. i don't know what i expect. it's ridiculous. i can't seem to let go even though i think i'm just headed for more pain
  13. sleuth222
    time to let go and let god, as they say. you are not that powerful. he needs real help and has other friends. get out of the way; I agree with all the others.
  14. sleuth222
    i realized right after i posted that you were 15. i'm sorry. i think if you show up and are kind and honest, but take care of yourself and don't try to figure out what he's thinking and judge him only by his actions (if they are kind and honest) and keep busy with your own friends and school and things you lilke to do, then in a few months you will either be friends--or not. most likely you will be. at 15, you can probably be friends again, especially if it wasn't a long term relationship. it is very unlikely in every other situation under the sun. and that is the truth, from an old lady.
  15. sleuth222
    turkish delight may have stoled the show here. that is quite a story.
  16. sleuth222
    i am dragging out a break up now i don't know why i know better it's not working and he's not sure and 'confused' which really means 'not in love with me' and i KNOW BETTER your friend's story about moving with no forwarding address is awesome!
  17. sleuth222
    it's really really hard to be alone during this. but there is this new book--he's just not that into you'--which is a silly title, but addresses all sorts of situations and is good company, as a read. and you have forums like this. do NOT start imagining/flirting with this other person yet. this will be a great opportunity to stand on your own two feet. it sounds like it's a good idea to ask him to move OUT. you can do it girl!
  18. sleuth222
    what is all this 'moved too fast?' if you interview happily married people, who have been at it for years, they will tell you they wanted from the start to be in love with this person, not their pal. i have 10 friends who are happily married. ONE of them was friends for a long time with her husband before they got married. all the others met, dated, discovered each other while dating, fell in love and so far, have lived happily ever after. at some point, we risk the danger of making exscuses for relationships that simply don't work.
  19. sleuth222
    this is something i know something about, i swear. (this may be teh only thing i know) wait 90 days. no contact. strict no contact. no email, telephone, IM, letters, sightings, visits. anyone who is really meant to be in your life will be there at the end of 90 days and will understand. there is no piont in just breaking up and becoming friends as if the only thing that defines a romantic relationship is sleeping together. time and space are necessary, BELIEVE ME. i have like 5 examples of this, and every time i did it the right way it worked out, wiht a good friend or in 2 cases, really great relationships. when i did it wrong, and just started hanging out after having tried a relationship, it was a DISASTER.
  20. sleuth222
    is either sudden and dramatic (you catch them in bed with someone) happened to me many many years ago or Instant Message Just happened to me THE WORST.
  21. sleuth222
    but i also need to know. anyone remember me from the boyfriend who didn't show at the airport? he's back. he misses me. something is telling me that this is very tempting but cannot be repaired. but i really don't know has anyone ever been in the situation where your friends and family are saying 'forget it' and actually had it work out? because in my opinion, the people around you usually have a better perspective than you do....this is my first time being on the other end of this, where they really have lost faith in him. what is NC? someone said they broke up and got back together after doing NC? what is that?
  22. sleuth222
    a new book called 'He's just not that into you?' It's direct, and is designed for your best interests. Buy it, follow the instructions and stop this nonsense NOW.
  23. sleuth222
    ok i agree with all of that--i think the phone is a rotten way to do this. and i really feel for you if that's all your girlfriend was capable of--that's all he seems capable of. i called, but the problem is that I didn't realize I was so angry--I started yelling as soon as he was like 'I don't know what to say.' I was like wait..you don't pick me up at the airport, you post an online ad (which I saw) you tell me you are 'confused' and then you just don't show up for a month. ??? who does that? and anyway, i wound up yelling--he said 'I don't deserve to be yelled at' and I said "You know what? I didn't deserve this , any of it, but it's what I got.' anyway, it's not about clever comebacks. it's about how awful it is and how he can't even show up to acknowledge it was supposed to be imp ortant. i am really angry. i have been sad, and now i'm angry, and the thing is I know the rest of this is stuff I have to process alone--apparently I will get no help from him. That was really nice of you to say what a catch I am. So are you--I can tell.
  24. sleuth222
    Go buy the book He's just not that into you. Sad but true, if a guy won't commit, send him packing. Doesn't matter how unique you both are--sleeping together isn't a committed relationship and until he can show up for that, there is no woman in the history of the world--if there is-find her and have her post here, who slept wiht a man who was her ex boyfriend, continued to have casual sex with him--without a relationship--(and by the way dinner doesn't count as a relationship--showing up at your parent's for dinner with you or going to your friend's wedding or your office party DOES--) and at the end of all that, enjoyed a real relationship with him. Has never happened. Don't try to make history.
  25. sleuth222
    You are all missing the point, if I might be so blunt She's 23 and her boyfriend gets in trouble and has to sneak into the apartment complex now? C'mon people--what's next? He's probably not cheating because no one else will have him. She sounds way too good for him.
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