Idk how to cope...

[Heartbrok3n445]

Hi everyone! Sorry for the long and confusing post, I'd appreciate any responses.

 

I have been with my boyfriend (or I guess now ex) for three and a half years. We are very young (20 and 21). A year into our relationship we broke up for two months because we were just fighting constantly, no trust, we were young, etc. He spent the two months drinking and smoking weed while he lived with his friends. After the two months he calls, begging for another chance and I gave it to him. He changed, stopped the drugs, got his together and was a great boyfriend.

 

Now I am almost in the same situation I was in before but a little different. We have lived together for just over two years, we have a joint loan, we spoke about marriage, kids, moving away, etc. and then everything changed this year. A group of his friends moved out at the start of this year and it all went down hill from there. He started choosing them over me all the time, wasting our money, lying, etc. Each month it just got worse and worse.

 

The last month has been terrible and now we are basically broken up. Last week we talked and he said he was too young, wanted to do what he wanted, go out with his friends, etc. I told him that regardless I wanted us to move out and live separately. We spoke some more and he started saying that it could work if we lived separately because our main fights are around money and stuff.

 

He got my hopes up, saying he knew we would make it through and that he really wanted it to work. He was suppose to meet me on the weekend and was all talking fine and saying he missed me etc up until th afternoon when he stopped talking to me and never showed up. I hadn't heard anything from him for two days.

 

He knows we have to sort out the loan and moving out. He is on Facebook liking other girls pictures and adding all these girls when we haven't even officially ended it (but it is pretty much over). I just want all our stuff sorted so I can just cut all ties but he isn't responding at all. I just can't believe he can go from leading me on to this. I am so confused by why this is happening.

 

This is literally almost a repeat of what happened last time. Now, I know we need to break up and I deserve better but it doesn't make it any easier. I have never been so hurt in my life. When we broke up the first time I had thought that was the worst, but nothing compares to this. I can't eat, sleep, I dream about him, I'm anxious, I can't stop thinking about him, I can't concentrate at work, I have never felt this hurt in my entire life.

 

I have done so much for him in our relationship, loved and supported him more than anyone ever has and this is what I get? And once again he doesn't care, he's already trying it on with other girls and we aren't even officially done yet!

 

My friends and family didn't really like him, so they are saying they are sorry I'm hurting but are happy it's over. I know they mean well, but the fact that I know they are happy about it makes me feel like I'm so alone.

 

I don't know how I can get through this. I am struggling. I'm used to having someone to cuddle at night, someone always there and seeing him everyday. I've lost my boyfriend and my home and he just seems so fine about it.

 

I keep asking him if we can meet and go to the bank to sort out the loan and when he can move all his stuff out but he doesn't bother replying.

 

I just cry randomly. Little memories trigger me. Because it feels so similar to last time I keep thinking he will come crawling back again but I CANT think like that!

 

I'm sorry I'm so over the place, thank you to anyone who had read this. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[jjkk]

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. It's extremely painful, even though in the end it's for the best, it doesn't make it hurt less. You CAN get through this and you WILL. It takes some time but you WILL feel better...there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

 

Now, as far as being "officially" done, just end it. Take control and make it official to you. Just send a text or call and tell him if it makes you feel better but it sounds as if it's already over.

 

What was the loan for? What can you do to sort out the loan? Maybe we can come up with something you can do to get it sorted out without him. Honestly it sounds like he's just dropping the ball with this loan and it's going to be your responsibility.

 

Hang in there! Hugs!!

[DarrenG1983]

Hi there,

 

I've just read your post and it's exactly what has happened to me in my relationship.

 

JJKK no offense but DO NOT text him. Its time to move on as hard as it is.

 

Change your numbers, delete your facebook, throw away anything shared or that reminds you off him and move on with your life.

 

You are only young, you have some great years ahead of you.

 

This will make you stronger for the future.

 

Don't worry about your loan, we all have debt!

 

Think about all the things you can now do you don't have him dragging you down.

 

He's never going to change by the sound of things, he sounds just like my ex.

 

Hope this helps!

[DarrenG1983]

I think you should seek professional advice about the loan.

 

Do you have anyone that can help you out to help get it paid off?

 

Maybe get a friend to read the small print.

[Heartbrok3n445]

We both went to the bank today and sort the loan out. We've both applied for a separate personal loan to pay out the joint loan and we are just waiting on confirmation.

 

We then met at our place and had a long talk. We both cried and I honestly never cried to hard in my life. It's strange... I feel like I'm in denial. I know it's over but I can't accept it. He said we need this because right now we are not working and if it's meant to be we will come back together again. I know I shouldn't think that way but I just feel like he will come back like last time. Is this normal?

 

I've blocked him on Facebook, deleted his number and have organised the moving out so we don't cross paths. I feel like I'll be living with this hope that he will wake up and realise he made a mistake and come back. I don't want to think like this but I dont know how not too.

 

This sucks

[DarrenG1983]

Its really going to suck for a while.

 

I'm one week broken up from what sounds like a very familiar situation.

 

Your mind will be your worst enemy over the next couple of weeks.

 

I've been going to gym and that really seems to be helping me, what are you doing to keep yourself busy?