This is my crazy story

[A James Z]

Hello, I appreciate you taking the time to look at my post and even more if you could give me your feelings on my situation. Odd how we feel more comfortable asking complete strangers on this web site for their advice than we do our own friends and family. However, I think my situation is one of those that is best left in the hands of strangers who can truly give me an objective view. So here goes. This is a bit of an odd one, and I never thought I would find myself in this situation. A little background: Last summer (8 months ago) a group of my friends and I went "backpacking" around Europe. We arrived in London in the morning and subsequently had all day to mess around and sightsee, then at night we decided to check out the nightlife seeing as we were all 22-23 and it was our very first night in a foreign country. In the last dance club we hit our first night in London I saw two Thai girls, and I thought it might be nice to talk to them and get some idea about London and what they did for fun. Note that I am a pretty shy person and normally do not approach girls, but it was a different country and I had nothing to lose, right? After about an hour of basic chit chat with one of the girls, she goes to leave with her friend. But before she goes she asks me if I want to come home with her. This has never happened to me before, and in fact I have had only one serious girlfriend (who I lost my virginity to) in my life and she broke up with me after cheating on me and it was a huge mess. So anyway, I said yes I'll come home with you. We had sex that night, and we basically hung out together the next 2 days I was in London. We had a lot of sex basically, and she showed me all around London, took me to really great restaurants, parks, and we had tons of fun. She was my ideal girl. So the last day I am with her, we are out to eat and she tells me that she runs a prostitution business. I was floored. She said that she was not a prostitute, but that her roommate (which also liked me and wanted to bring me home as well) was a prostitute, and that she has a lot of Asian girls working for her, who are all illegal mind you, running this massive business and basically she told me that she took it over from another girl that had to go back to Thailand. I felt sick at first, but I accepted it and we continued to talk throughout my trip in Europe and when I got back home to the US. We talked all throughout the summer and 2 weeks before the new fall semester started I flew back to London to spend the last 2 weeks of summer with her. Again, it was perfect. We had tons of fun, when to jazz clubs, we traveled all over England and Scotland and it was one of the greatest times of my life. Not to mention all the really crazy and at sometimes weird sex we had. I am kind of a weird guy in bed and afraid to ask girls to do things, but she wanted to do everything I wanted to do and I did everything she wanted to do, it was great, you know? Well, I had to go back to school and I was upset about it. We continued to talk everyday and I started to fall in love. Now this is where it got a bit difficult. She began to fall in love with me too, very badly in love. She is upset all the time and can only think about me, and we are an ocean away. So after a few months, she calls me one day and says she cannot see me anymore because this guy (which is actually in charge of the whole prostitution ring) told her that he wants to be the only guy in her life and that he will support her and her family (which is very poor and needs money badly and that's why she is in London trying to work) and she wont have to work again. Then she tells me that she does not want to be with this guy because for the past few months he has hired a detective friend of his to follow her around and video tape her and watch her where ever she goes. She was actually being trailed while I was there and the whole time after I had left. This guy even knew about me and about everything she had done! Its like a movie or something! Now I was really freaked out, and she is telling me that she is afraid to be with this guy and that she only loves me and its going to break her heart but she needs the money. The next day she calls and tells me that she is going to be with me and that she will have to move to a cheaper place and find a different job, away from the prostitution business. Over the next couple months she is really hurting for cash and still is in love with me and very upset because I cannot be there. So I decided to enroll in a study abroad program to London that will give me great experience and another chance to see her over this coming summer. For a while I believed that this crazy guy had left her alone, but yesterday he went to her home to talk to her roommate. When my girlfriend left the room he got her purse and stole her cell phone then ran out the door. Later that night he calls me! He proceeds to tell me that she has tons of boyfriends and that I am just one of many guys that she is with and that she is in fact using me just like she has used him, because he claims she took all this money from him then went on trips with me while I was there. I didn't buy this because he was the one begging her to be with him, and she did not even want to be with him. And he even admitted to me about his detective friend and his whole operation to stalk her. I mean this guy even went so far as to rent the apartment accross the street from her so he could watch everything she does and where she goes. But then he goes on to tell me that she was a prostitute and that I could find her pictures on the internet. He gave me the website, and sure enough I saw my girlfriend with her roommate naked on some web site offering sex. Then I called my girlfriend and told her what the guy said to me. She admitted that she was a prostitute for 6 months before we met, but she quit because that guy was obsessing about her and wanted her to be with him and she could not take it, so she stopped as a working girl. She was upset that I found out because it was in her past and she knew that if I found out I could not deal with it and that I would leave her. She is ashamed about her past, and I feel she truly loves me. But she told me straight out that if I cannot accept it, I should stop calling her and we should move on. She said that she still loves me and will be really hurt to lose me, but she knows I do not involve myself in that kind of thing and that I could go find another girl if I cannot accept it. But I told her that I would not leave her and that I would support her choice to find other work and leave her past behind. I still plan to see her this summer. But in truth I am very confused how to feel about everything. I have spent the past 8 months talking to this girl everyday, and I feel I love her. She is so sweet and tells me many great things. I do not feel that she has been lying to me, because I really never flat out asked her if she ever did it, and deep in my mind I did not want to ask out of fear of what I might find. But I also feel I am getting sucked into a crazy web of what ever it is and I am not sure if I like it. I am very inexperienced with girls and women in general. Like I said I am shy, but I am also attractive and could find another girl, I just don't know if I want to. I made a lot of plans with her and I have really been looking forward to seeing her again. This post is partly a vent because I cannot tell my friends about her, it would just get around to everyone I know and I cannot deal with that. Could anyone give me some insight into this situation? Thanks in advance for any responses.

[rusty_boi]

ok well all i can really suggest is as hard as it is break it off with her. beacause of the facts

 

1) she is in a completely different country to you

2) sounds like she isnt too honest because allthough she is ashamed of her past if she loved you truly she would of told you

3) you are going to be sucked into alot of problems that you dont seem to be prepared and ajusted to

4) her family needs money

 

now im not saying this isnt love but it just seems like you can get a girl a bit closer to home thats a bit more suited to you. i dont mean to be negative or anything because i know you feel strongly for each other but there was a quote i once heard and it goes " sometimes when you love someone, you have to set them free" and it applies here it be better for you both overall

[lisica]

OMG what a story! Be very very careful, whatever you decide. I heard about people being lured into having sex while it is secretely taped for porn movies or websites. From your story I can imagine a scenario where your girl is forced to do this. Also do not give her any substantial amounts of money and do not sign anything for her that might end up in you paying or taking responsability for her actions (like renting an apartment, taking a car, whatever). LDRs are very difficult, even the "normal" ones, and you have many reasons for mistrust. It is not only a question of whether or not to trust her, because you have the additional problem that her intentions might be good but she is manipulated and forced by people around her or the situation (like her family) to be dishonest with you.

 

If I were in your situation, my brain would tell me to break up with her. But my heart would not allow it, and I would follow my heart in this case, even if I know it might not be the best thing. I would go to the UK for the study abroad program, but with main focus on the study and the experience. Meanwhile you can also try to find out with your own eyes what is actually happening over there, and then make an informed decision. I would also try to back off a bit, although it would be very difficult, and not build all kinds of dreams about the future with her anymore. Like putting your feelings on hold for a while, till you know more.

[anotherone]

Walk AWAY...I know love will cover the truth. The fact is she running or is a prostitute. She is dealing with illegal business.

 

Follow your brain on this one not heart. I see a lot of unexpected problem coming your way if u do not stop.

 

Check you HIV status and stay away from her...You had fun while u where in backpacking trip, but it should have been stop thier..

 

The dangerous thing is u are falling for her. How do u know she really love u as a person ? Do not gamble with your life walk away.

 

You could be a tool for her finacial situation shaded with fake love.

 

Run !!

[PrincessLinzay]

Wow, that's quite a story you have going on there. Who needs soaps right?

 

In part, I can understand why you find this all facinating and adventurous.

 

However, things like this can only lead to bad. In Europe, prostitution isn't viewed the same way it is here. And these women are professionals. Not just with the sex, they are professional con artists. They thrive in money they collect from men all over the world who once enjoyed their favors. They tell stories of impoverished families, etc, anything to get what they want!

 

You might think you love her, but as another poster said, don't sign anything, give her any substantial amounts of money or anything like that. I could be wrong about her game, but then again, maybe Im not.

[A]

ok,how about this...try to act as if something is bothering u &when she asks u about it,tell her that your family is facing some financial problems&u think that your financial situation is going bad or something like this,but try to really show her this,..if she wants u for your money after a while she'll get bored that u r not giving her gifts or money or anything&eventually she'll leave ...but if she was really in love with u ,she'll get closer to u &never leave u.

also have u tried to offer that after u finish your study,she could come with u &leave all this prostitution thing behind her,may be she really wants to get away,&u can help her.

just do anything but giving her money..love is blind sometimes..